Do you remember your wedding?

Question

My parents have been married 36 years. I'm getting married in October. I keep asking them things about their wedding, but they don't remember...
their first dance song, the food, father/daughter dance, favors, details about the ceremony, etc.

Is your wedding day really so overwhelming you don't remember those details? Do I really need to concentrate on my wedding day so I'll remember it? Or should I just not worry too much about details now because I probably won't remember those things?

Poppet - that's hilarious!! Thanks for the laugh. I just might have to write the fluffing the covers part into my vows - lol j/k

Hee hee - I don't keep asking my parents the same questions. As I'm working on an aspect of my wedding planning, I might ask my parents about what they had, and more often than not - they don't remember.

Fortunately, no one should get drunk at my wedding since we won't be serving alcohol.

Good idea about having a list for the photographer - to capture details. And also the videographer. I'm lucky to get to exploit the talents of a good friend of mine who is an award winning film-maker to record the wedding.

I don't care too much about bouquets and centerpieces. I guess it's nice to know I don't have to knock myself out about them.

Lydia - You're right, in a way. I think a lot of the reason my parents don't remember a lot about their wedding is that I don't think they had much of a part in the planning. From what my Dad keeps telling me, my grandmother (on my mom's side) did everything for the wedding. My dad didn't make any decisions at all about it. It sounds like my mom didn't get to pick much either. My grandmother even made my mom's dress for her (which I don't think my mom cared for much.)

So I'm guessing my fiance and I will remember much more than my parents do because we're planning it together.

Answer 1

Some things do fade away after a while. Thats why it makes no sense to freak out because the linens are the wrong shade of blue. Your parents are a shining example of what really lasts at the wedding. The commitment and that you had a good day. Like my fiancees mom told me "People won't remember three years from now that the flowers wilted but they will remember it if you throw a hissy fit in the middle of the reception" Let it flow!

If you are worried about remembering details do like I'm doing. When you give your photographer the list of must-take shots along with the formals have him include the details. Tell him you want the pic of the boquets, a closeup of the cake, the location, the tables, etc. Then you can always pull them out and remember "oh yes, I had pink ribbons" Let him worry about capturing every detail, you worry about having a great time with the guests.

Answer 2

I was married 20 years ago and I still remember a lot of the details, like my dress, the bouquets, the cake, the bridesmaids dresses & tuxes and the club the bridal party went to after the reception. I remember my dance with my husband and my father was to the Blue Danube Waltz. Back then though I didnt know a lot about planning and we didnt have favors or anything like that. This time around it's going to be much better and Im gonna make sure to take pictures of everything. Congrats on your marriage.

Answer 3

It is a trying time for most all people involved in this process. My suggestion would make sure everything is set to go ahead of time, and enjoy the wedding, the reception, and any other after parties. The reason some people cant remember is due to drinking to much. Just look at all those videos of drunk people falling down at parties, and when the vows are spoken, a lot of pressure. Just relax knowing that you have done your job, and hope Uncle Bob doesn't fall down drunk.

Answer 4

my daughter was married almost two years ago. to this day, she some times will ask me about her wedding because she says it was just a big blur. you need to concentrate on your wedding day because it IS your wedding day. even though your parents may not remember all the details, the fact that they are still together speaks volumes about the quality of what was really important-not the cake, the music, but the love they had for each other.

besides, if you let someone else plan your wedding and disaster happens you will have no one to blame but yourself.

and on top of all that, who's to say you won't remember your wedding day? what if by some luck, you do, long after it is over, and you hadn't focused on the details. a wedding is not a do-overable kinda thing.

PS-if they keep telling you they don't remember, why do you keep asking them?

Answer 5

I've tried to block it out, actually.

I lived out of state, and the person who officiated our wedding was someone I'd known forever. I did not, however, know he was showing early signs of Alzheimers, or that it had been a long time since he had officiated a wedding, or that he thought he was a funny guy. He winked at my husband when he said the scripture about how "the two shall become one flesh". He also took my ring, looked at it, and put it in his pocket.

My sister, the maid of honor, did not realize a particular song was supposed to be playing at a particular point. She discreetly (in her mind) tried to signal to the guy doing sound that the song was supposed to stop. "Discreet" is a relative term, but I can think of NO situation where it means draw a line across your neck and holler "Cut the music!" to the back of the church when you're standing up at the alter.

My photographer actually stopped us WHILE we were walking out to take the "walking out picture."

When we walked out of the church, my aunt was supposed to be holding the door for us. She opened the door and her toddler ran out. I got the door for my husband and I to walk through so she could get my nephew, and the entire wedding party and several guests walked through the door, letting me hold the door open for them, while my husband was wondering where I was.

The same sister who screwed up part of the ceremony also pulled a number on my sisters-in-laws when it came to the bouquet toss. They will always remember my sister as the girl who tried to break their arms. They have scars. Seriously.

We didn't have our car, so we were supposed to leave the reception in my in-laws' car, and they were going to get a rental. Only they decided not to get a rental, and instead decided to have us leave the reception in their car, drive around the block, pick them, my brother-in-law and my two sisters-in-law up (this was a Ford Taurus, by the way) and they would take us to the hotel. So the conversation in the car on the way to our one-night honeymoon consisted of my brother-in-law talking about some Eminem song and my sister-in-law fighting with her mom because she wanted a cell phone. When we got to the hotel, they all came in WITH us. The youngest two actually followed us to our room, and would have followed us in if my husband hadn't said "NO" and closed the door on them (which hurt my sister-in-law's feelings and we had to apologize to her later to keep from sounding like total jerks).

All of that annoys me, but six years later (exactly... today was our anniversary), I'm really in love with my husband and we have a happy marriage. Who gives a crap if you have really creative cute favors, what the color scheme was, what food was served, etc.? People put this huge emphasis on the first day of marriage, often without considering the fact that it is INCREDIBLY not important.

My guess is that that's why your parents don't remember favors or details and all that stuff.

Ask yourself, "If this gets completely screwed up on the wedding day, will I be devastated later?" If the answer is no, then don't put that much of an emphasis on it. You can't guarantee everything will go perfectly, so spending all your time and energy focusing on the wedding can be time and energy wasted. This is especially the case when you have a situation like some couples do, where the girl is SO wrapped up in planning a big, beautiful wedding that she mistreats or grows apart from her fiance.

Answer 6

As I plan my own wedding, I try to think about the things I notice about or remember from other people's weddings, and I can tell you, it's not very much...I can't recall anyone's dress, or their invitations, or the centerpieces or too much detail of anything, so I figure why should I drive myself crazy when most people won't even notice most things....it doesn't matter much to me about the particulars--I care alot about being married, not so much about the wedding itself...as long as my guests are happy and everyone enjoys themselves, that will make me happy!

Answer 7

Just enjoy yourself. It is YOUR wedding. My husband and I got married in December and everything is still fresh in my mind. I was completely relaxed. The only problem I had that day was arguing with my Mama about what shapes to cut the sandwiches in. :) Just be sure you have a videographer so in case you do forget the small things you can watch your video and bring them all back! Good luck!

Answer 8

I do remember most of those details that you mentioned and have been married for 12 years, but if I ever forget anything, I've got it all on video. Be sure to get a good videographer, too!

Answer 9

I remember that beautiful day. It was on a Wednesday and there was about 150 people there...it was at the city hall and about 50 other couples were getting married. I had to stand in line for about an hour to get the marriage license signed. The ceremony itself was quicker than the wait in line.

Answer 10

Of course, like it was yesterday - but we were married almost 18 years ago. Totally remember absolutely everything!
For your parents' memories, sorry to say, but I think there's something 'up' there - my parents were married 42 years before my dad passed away, and both remembered absolutely everything about their wedding. Perhaps your parents just had a simple wedding they loved, but don't think you'll understand, or something... if you are planning something rather elaborate.