Why be authoritative and disciplinarian to children...?

Question

...when it doesn't work?

Answer 1

When children are not taught respect and submission to authority at home, they grow up to believe they do not have to respect and submit to authority outside the home (i.e. laws, law enforcement, bosses on their job, etc). These people typically end up being unproductive citizens and criminals. Parents who don't properly teach their children how to behave and follow rules are lazy and self-absorbed. It's a hard job, no doubt. But you have to figure out what is effective for your children to learn these things for their benefit, as well as for the benefit of those who have to be around them at any given time in their lives.

Answer 2

I think that there's a time and a place for everything. Kids need consistency and boundaries. There need to be rules and there need to be consequences for breaking the rules. But you also need to catch them doing good. I am finding that if I compliment and tell my kids how great they are doing at this or how much I appreciate them doing that, I get a lot more cooperation out of them.

Now, if they misbehave, then I have to discipline. And they know the consequences. I try to express what they have done wrong, reinforce my expectations, mete out the consequences and then follow with an increase of love.

It doesn't work to be the very model of the modern major general with kids.

Answer 3

Authoritarian discipline (where you and your children come to an agreement on what rules are, with them understanding why the rules are the way they are) is much more successful than authoritative discipline (where you tell them not to do something and that's that). When children understand the rules, and feel like their concerns are heard, they are more likely to follow the rules, and less likely to rebel. For younger children, I think authoritative is ok because they are too young to understand the whys and why nots.

Answer 4

When it doesn't work, you need to keep trying. Children or at least mine, thrive on boundaries and guidlines. It not only keeps them safe and secure, but makes them feel safe and secure. I'm not talking about screaming and hitting, but setting boundaries and limits - schedules. A parent is there to set examples. Not be a push over or a dictator, but an authoritative disciplinarian to their children while encouraging love and creativity.

Answer 5

You don't have to be authoritative cuz they know you are the parent.

Kids are kids, they will make mistakes so if you discipline them with love, they will get used to the love part and if you decide to go the other way around, you will not like the consequences in the long run.

Answer 6

All kids are different, and all household units work differntly- you need to find what works best in your family and stick with it. The most important thing is to be consistent. If you threaten a discipline ("if you don't pick up your room, you can't go to so-and-so's house tomorrow") you have to follow through. Having effective discipline is not just about the TYPE of discipline you choose, but about your willingness to follow through. You need to set the rules and let your kids know what they are and what the consequences are for breaking them- and then follow through. If they know ahead of time what will happen to them, they will be less likely to disobey. It's harder in the beginning when everyone is learning. So, you have to have patience and be prepared to be inconvenienced when you have to follow through with it when you really don't want to or have the time to. Also, you and your husband or significant, etc. need to agree on the type of discipline you are going to enforce and back each other up- kids know when you don't agree and feed off those divisions of power. Consistency, that's what kids need and that's what you need to model. Good luck.

Answer 7

I think the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting that eventually you will get a different result...
If what you are doing isn't working, then you need to do something different. Sometimes it is a small change, and sometimes everything you are doing isn't working.
You can read up on this subject and find things that work. I personally, like to read "Supernanny"...I have watched her show, and it is very interesting to watch--very educational.
And if you have tried those methods and you don't think it worked, you didn't get it right yet. So far, every suggestion I have tried of hers has worked...
Besides, children need boundaries. Children need to be able to rely on you. Otherwise, they don't have security. This is why it is so important for us to be in charge.It is a gift we give them for life.

Answer 8

It does work. If you think it isn't working, you may not be doing it right. Consistency is key. And following through with what you say is key also. The fastest way to lose credibility as the authoirty in the family is to not do what you say you will. And you also have to set the example. Kids crave structure and discipline, they really do. Although they think they know everything, they really do need to be guided through life. I'm 35 and truly I still need guidance from my parents, and to have them give me the proverbial kick in the pants to get back on track sometimes!

:)

Answer 9

Because children want consistency, boundaries, guidance and derive their comfort and sense of self from the combination.

Without discipline, a child with try to pick up a knife, would not take initiative in either diet, cleanliness, rest, or education.

If you are seeing examples of poorly behaving children, you are seeing results of a parent who spent their time doing ... something else.

Consistent discipline, balanced with love and attention, works wonders.

Answer 10

It is human nature to keep pushing the envelope. Children are no exception. You have to be consistent with discipline, no matter what. Parents who fold and don't follow through are not going to get any respect, they will just get an out of control toddler running around. Time outs have worked really well for my daughter.