Can I have Borderline Personality Disorder and still be "Nice"???

Question

I'm asking because I am officially diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and on loads of meds, my psychiatrist can't understand why my meds aren't helping very much. I fit most of the DSM criteria for BPD and have raised this with my psych doc, he says I'm "too nice" to be a Borderline! I'm wondering whether its possible for Borderlines to be seen as generally "nice" people. I know that the description of BPD fits my symptoms much better than Bipolar, cos alothough I do get quite hyper, its not scary and I'm not really manic per se.

Answer 1

Yes, of course you can suffer from BPD and be nice. Many people (including psychiatrists) seem to have very set notions of what BPD is, forgetting that it's simply an attempt to categorise and describe - there are huge variations in people suffering what is termed BPD and the notion that they are 'manipulative' etc seems to me to be extraordinarily lacking in compassion. Sometimes the internal issues they are grappling with lead them to feeling so desperate that they really need to do anything to get what they need. They are desperate and suffering, not 'manipulative'!!

The confusion of BPD with bipolar disorder/manic-depression seems to be growing. If you have really marked high/manic phases and periods of real depression, then bipolar seems a fair enough diagnosis and there is real evidence of the usefulness of the medication (although even then, not all meds work for all people). But if, as you say, you don't get the real manic phase and are just hyper (e.g. you don't go on mad spending sprees or talk all night or go without sleep, with tons of energy, etc), then a bipolar diagnosis seems strange.

I would strongly - very strongly - recommend that you push to get psychotherapy. This will help if the accurate diagnosis is bipolar/manic-depression, and be of huge use to you if the issues are more those described as borderline. I very much hope you find some way to relieve your suffering.

Answer 2

Some of the other people have given great answers. You can definitely be very nice and still have BPD. I am not writing you to repeat this information, but I want to add something else.

I am not saying that you are not nice. You may be a very sweet person and you may have BPD. However, I will say that psychiatrists, psychologists, therpists, counselors, or whatever, do not see all the sides of the person in session. I have definite anger management problems. Almost everyone that is very close to me or ever has been, will tell you that I have anger issues. I will admit this, as well. People who love me will openly admit I have anger issues even when they are not mad at me, but my therapist says I seem overly accommodating if anything, and he cannot see me doing anything hateful or mean to anyone. So, the other day I had a big long talk with him about my anger issues. I think maybe he believes me now. The thing is, I never show that rage in his office, and have rarely spoken of it. However, I had said other things that led him to believe I was very accommodating (even though I never intended to mislead him- his interpretations of the events are diff than my own as I did not feel them to be overly nice) and I am always very polite and pleasant towards him, so he did not think anger issues were there. Also, often when I am sad, I still smile and laugh in his office. I can't help it. Another therapist spent an entire session with me discussing an issue, then didn't mark it as an issue that I had, when filling out a form for me. So, sometimes a therapist either doesn't hear you, or they do hear you, but they only get to see certain sides of you. So if you do have anger issues, maybe they miss those.

However, you cannot say just because someone has anger issues they are never nice. I am often very nice to people I love, although I have anger issues at other times. I don't get as easily angered with strangers, but when I am mad, I am very mad. However, I'm usually quite polite and nice. Sometimes going out of my way top help people.

Answer 3

Borderline Personality Disorder is characterized by volatile relationships with other people; attitudes changing from "I love you" to "I hate you" with little or no warning.

If someone has that diagnosis and is nice to everyone most of the time, I would have doubts if the diagnosis is accurate.

I worked in mental health for 20 years, and the people I have known who have BPD are generally hard to get along with, manipulative, and it's usually quite frustrating to deal with them. They might be nice at a certain time, but only when they want to, and because they are trying to get something out of someone else.

Answer 4

yes you can have borderline personality disorder & still be nice.
I'm 28 yrs old and have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder sine I was 25 yrs old. It can be difficult to be nice sometimes but being nice has it's benefits like more respect & more friends & people trusting you more. And last but not least don't put yourself down like that because if you weren't a good person you wouldn't care about getting answers and that shows that you want help. If you ever need anyone to talk to you can e-mail me at [e-mail]

Answer 5

We've had borderlines who were very nice. If your doctor said you were too nice to be borderline, I'd take it as a compliment and just go on living your life. You're getting help, that's big. It's pretty much as it is with all categories, there's a wide range of behaviors and symptoms within the category. Thank goodness you're one of the nice ones. And by the way, good luck to you.

Answer 6

My partner is diagnosed Bipolar & Borderline. She takes medication as well. It takes a lot of trial & error to find the right medications so be patient and make sure that people who are close to you understand your diagnosis. My partner experiences manic phases, but overall she is very nice, too.
Remember, try to be patient about the medications. Changes are always stressful, but someday you & your doctor will find the right drug combination.

Answer 7

Of course you can still be really nice. I have BPD...and I'm very pleasant. "NO I'M NOT! I'M A WITCH!" Oh...don't listen to my other personality...I'm wonderful. "NO! I'M HORRIBLE!"