I think I'm ready to start a family at 14???

Question

My boyfriend is 18 and I'm 14 and I personally think I'm mature enough, responsible enough, and ready to put the baby in front of our marriage and me (getting married when I turn 18..). I'm almost 15 on June 25, my boyfriend and me are NOT sexually active at the moment but, we are really considering it. Any advice on it would be great. Thanks.

By the way, my boyfriend and me have been dating for about 3 (4 in July) years. We are madly in love with each other. Both have jobs.

Answer 1

At 14, you still have some growing up to do, regardless of how mature you feel. For one thing, you need to finish school. You may not think that is necessary, but , believe me, there may come a time when you must support yourself ( and any children you may have) and a high school drop-out does not make much money.

You say that you both have jobs --if you get pregnant, you may not be able to work for a while. Does your boyfriend make enough money to pay for rent, utilities, food, car, clothes, health insurance,etc? If he does not, then where were you planning to live?

And, have you ever had the responsibility of caring for a child for longer than a few hours? It is not as easy as it seems. If there is an agency that has a program that supplies a doll that cries at intervals and does not stop unless it is picked up and/or fed ( I think it is called "Baby Think it Over" --or something like that) you should see if you can have one for a day or two. It will be a real eye-opener!

Why not spend the next few years getting your education and saving money so that you will have some way to support yourselves without depending on others.

My daughter had her son at 15. She did a good job of taking care of him for periods of time, but also left him to me at times --I have had custody of him for 5 years.

She was not able to finish school and has not been able to find work because everyone wants a high school graduate.

Answer 2

I see, so this guy started dating you when you were 10 and he was 14. How nice.
I'm sorry my dear, but at 14 you have not a clue what mature is yet.
Having a baby is not like playing with dolls. You can't just put them away when your tired of them.
Where will you live?
Health insurance?
Your still in school, you going to drop out?
Who will watch the child while your at school?
Babies get sick alot, what then?
Crib? Who buys it?
Car seats? Who buys them?
Breast feeding?
Formula? do you make enough to supply it every day?
Diapers? go to the store and check the prices.
At 14 your still living with your parents, and face it, if you have a baby now, you parents will be the ones that end up raising it for you and paying for everything it needs because you won't have any way of doing it yourself.
Once you have a baby, there are many many options you have now that will be gone.
Going out with friends, over.
Dating, even you current bf, over.
Sorry to say, you will probably drop out of school.
College, nope.
No high school diploma, no college, = no good job.
It means a struggle for money for the next 20 years of your life while you try and work crappy minumum wage jobs and try and pay the bills.
You have no idea what comes with having a child, you are still a child yourself, no matter how mature you think you are.
Don't miss out on all the teen years are supposed to be by trying to jump into the adult world, it will only lead to a very long hard road.

Answer 3

You may think you are but there is one thing I would say. When you get married, wait. Most marrages fail in the first 3 years. The first year it is all new and romance... the second year all get comfortable and quit putting forward the effort so there true selfs start showing. This is when you find out if you are really compatable or not. The third year is when you can get discusted with each other and push each other away. This is where you find out if your friendship is enough to carry on together. If you arnt friends and the romance is gone why stay together...

You need to spend at least the first 3 years together and getting comfortable before bringing in another life into the picture.

June 30 will be my 17th anniversary and my older daughter is turning 15 and we have 3 more children.

Just remember to think with your head and not your horomones. Only you are able to make the decision I would advise takeing it slow and thinking. If you are faced with a major decision then sleep on it and think.

Take care
Hugs Kim Lynn

Answer 4

Please reconsider. No matter how mature you are (or think you are) you are not in a position to do what would be best for a baby. Contemplating having a baby at your age is a sign of immaturity and selfishness. You don't have an education, a job or a stable family unit (since you think it is a good plan to put off the marriage part until later). I'm assuming you are still living at home so you're really expecting your parents to take on another child. I applaud the fact that you and your bf haven't begun a sexual relationship because it doesn't appear to me that you are ready for one. At 14 your body is going through a lot of changes and you are not biologically or emotionally ready for such a life changing event. I would hope that you would get some guidance from people who work with teen mothers and gain some understanding of what it really entails.

Answer 5

what were your parents thinking! you have had a boyfriend since age 10 or 11? no way! grow up, finish high school and go to college before you marry first and start a family in your own home.where you support yourselves and are not on welfare.most people do not stay together forever and you and your boyfriend have a long way to go before you are grown up.having a baby doesn't make you a grown up.it makes you a kid with a baby that some one else is still taking care of.babysit if you want to be around babies,they are not cute,sweet or fun all the time! they get cranky,fussy smelly and cost a lot of money and need constant care.you are not ready i know i have 5 children.i was 18 when i started please give yourself and boyfriend time to enjoy being young first! there is plenty of time, school is the most important thing to both of you right now,good luck!

Answer 6

No. At 14. you should concentrate on BEING a family, not making one. Having a baby makes you really overwhelmed and tired. That's for people who are old enough and have a planned family. It isn't easy under the absolute best of circumstances. I had my first baby when I was 34. Before that, I traveled all over the country, met some amazing people, had amazing adventures that pregnant teens can't even imagine. Give yourself time. If you don't have the cash to go camping in the Catskills, sleep in a Redwood Tree in CA, and go to Hard Rock Cafe in Texas, (which I did for a few bucks each, and I really work hard for a living)...than you definately do no...do not...do not... have the cash and the life experience to raise a baby.

Answer 7

First, an 18 yr old & a 14 yr old having sex toghether is a felony in most states if not all. Second, if you are truly as mature as you say then you would understand why it is best to wait until you have finished your education, finished developing physically and are in a better place in your life to start a family. Even with the best laid plans things can and sometimes do go wrong...by having your education and such out of the way you will better be prepared just in case. You owe it to this baby to make sure to be fully prepared, not just mature enough.

Answer 8

Omg, Sweety, plz wait! Although u 2 have been 2gether 4 a while, plz wait! Take the time 2 get urselves in order before u start bringing kids in2 the picture. Even though u think ur mature enough now, it can never hurt 2 wait a little bit longer. Finish school and get all of ur ducks in a row. Good luck.

Answer 9

I know that you two are "in love" but you are way too young to be thinking about that. What you really have to concentrate on is school. I know that you hear that all the time but I bet you that almost everyone on here will tell you that without school you are no one. You won't be able to survive on your own with a part time job. Kids are very expensive. Believe me that you won't make enough money in a month just to buy the formula.
You're young and I think that you should just stay young for now and enjoy it. You will not like it later on when you have to be on our own and you have no other choice. Do not make yourself any problems because I can tell you that you will have plenty of them later on in the future.
And please don't even think about being sexually active now. It's not worth your time.

Answer 10

You may be a mature person, but that does not mean you are ready for a child. Because having a child means that you are ready to support this child financially too. It is easy to love a child with all your heart, but much harder to take care of it. Dont confuse the two feelings as one. Do you have enough money to take care of this child without the help of your parents? And later in the future?? You need to secure yourself and your future husband first before starting a family. Or else you would be setting that child up to fail....