should i have told my son that his father was realy his uncle, my brother in law.he found out from his gran around the age of ten, who he lived with on and off throughout his life.when i was divorceing the man he thought was his father.he later ended up in jail on numerous occasions and has been married three times already hes now in his 40s,am i to blame?
2007-06-09 09:13:54 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You are not to blame for your son's misfortunes..We choose our own paths in life so we cannot blame others when things go wrong...It does sound,however,that he didn't have the best of starts,which is sad but there are thousands of kids out there who didn't..Do they all mess up ?
2007-06-09 09:24:01 · answer #1 · answered by trish b 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
People are quick to blame the parents for everything, he is a 40 year old man who is responsible for his own actions at this time BUT you probably could have done better by him and maybe you need to really talk to him and make him understand why you made some of the bad decisions in your life when it came to him etc
He seems to be a very mixed up man and has no sense of roots so maybe he should get an apology from you as well as some professional help...
2007-06-10 00:11:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are to blame for your son's life and how it has turned out. He is in control of his life and which path to take. You are not responsible for that. Any child can "go off the rails" no matter what their upbringing is. I understand as a parent that you would want to blame yourself, but its not your fault.
You obviously kept the truth about his real father from your son for a reason. His gran should of asked your permission first before telling him the truth, but what's done is done.
Have you tried talking to you son and explaining the truth to him now?
Good luck.
2007-06-10 01:35:41 · answer #3 · answered by . 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like his life was a bit of a mess. Angry lads kick off and thats the result. Go and see him and say that you are to blame and that you are sorry. It might not help right now but hopefully it will sink in and the poor soul can get some peace. And you too.
2007-06-09 09:34:34 · answer #4 · answered by AUNTY EM 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Betty hun, this sounds awfully complicated.
I would have been better if you had told your son the real situation yourself, but as he's now in his 40s it sounds like it was a real long time ago and what's done is done.
All you can do is change the present and work towards a better future. It sounds like your son needs support and you could provide this. Please talk to him about what happened in the past and how you feel about it now. Please listen to how he feels, if he is able to tell you. What happened and who was to blame is like water under the bridge now. Work on the present. Give your son a hug.
2007-06-09 09:19:55 · answer #5 · answered by cobweb 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hello.
i believe that u r not to be blamed for what ur son has reached for as everyone of us as he lives can differentiate between what's wrong and what's right .and getting shocked isn't an excuse to do bad things or to live inappropriately.no one lives in place of the other one and we only have one life to live.so even if u r mistaken by not telling him,but again i believe that u r not to be blamed.
2007-06-09 09:27:40 · answer #6 · answered by mayoush 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes it would have been better to tell your son, but as a mother myself i know we do what we think is best for our children, but children have the right to know but i dont think you are to blame you were trying to what you think was best for your son at the time, as parnets we dont get giving a guide book we just have to do what we think is right at the time, maybe some things we do we shouldnt have done but its been in the best interest for the child, just sit down and explain it to you son, maybe he will dislike you i dont know but as he gets older and has kids of his own he will understand what you did, i dont think it has helped that he heard it from someone else that may have hurt him more then the lie, kids are stronger then we think, just talk to him he maybe confussed and needs answers, if he dont want to know then thats he choice, but dont blane your self as you did what you think was for the best xx
2007-06-11 01:16:56 · answer #7 · answered by emma b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter how bad the truth hurts (you or him), Never deny him that. So yes! You should have told him because it was in your heart to do so. and, don't blame anyone. I'm sure you have done the best you can.
2007-06-09 09:29:36 · answer #8 · answered by Solar Ball 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
With out a doubt, hang your head in shame!
He's a grown man who makes his own life choices and decisions........nobody to blame but himself
2007-06-09 09:21:12 · answer #9 · answered by ALLEN B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yeah..you should 've been honest in the very beginning. His grandma had no business telling him..but you should've told him as soon as he was old enough to understand. Kids are smarter than u realize
2007-06-09 09:19:37 · answer #10 · answered by TheDeeds 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋