I am a single mom, never married his father but have always provided for my son. He has always been a great kid and pretty much still is but he is my one and only child and Im so frustrated with the attitude and behavior. He is already showing signs of puberty and maturity so I'm thinking he's "In that stage" right now. Dealing w/his dad is frustrating enough but to deal with your child who's acting like a clone of him is more aggravating. Im pretty laid back and was a" no problem child" for my mom but he's different. I will admit that schedules and tight structure have not been always a part of the routine but for the most part I have instilled disipline, Is it too late to make structure a part of his life & become a more disiplined parent even though hes gotten used to to things this far in his life. I need advise as to what i can do as a parent to change and make a difference in my sons future as an adult.
2007-06-09 05:20:59 · 14 answers · asked by danigrl1972 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
"OUR" son has been primarily raised by me. He has a dad who as of the last 1yr or so has been trying to be more involved emotionally ans taking him more for visits even though hes been :around: since he was born. I was 12 once and I know hormones but I was different in the way I handled my thoughts, frustrations & not being raised myself with a father or good male figure in my life raising a boy raises questions, so im not oblivious to "life" in general, just maybe a male point of view might help even though I feel ive done a good job ans both mom & dad it gets overwhelming. asking his dad is difficult because all he will do is agree to disagree!
2007-06-09 07:16:55 · update #1
You are the MOM and you are the BOSS!
I am a middle years teacher and deal with a number of parents who have a hard time not being "liked" by their children. Children complain about, but truly do appreciate, boundaries. Do not hesitate to set them or enforce consequences for your son.
Let your son know that you love him, but you do not love his attitude. If he's giving any to you, you have EVERY right to remind him exactly who is in charge. If he is attached enough to you and his father is truly not a comfortable or appealing option for him to turn to he will recognize that you are the biggest and best deal going!
Wicked book: Hold on to your Kids by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate. Have a look!
2007-06-10 17:01:43 · answer #1 · answered by Wendy M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you guessed right.. he is in that "stage" right now. It looks like he may have some problems with whats going on in life. Maybe friends, or relationships, or how his appearence is to others and stuff. Puberty can be a challenging part of life cuz i am a 13 year old. Let him know that you can talk to him, and that he can talk to you. If he makes a mistake, don't yell or anything because that just makes him more afraid to talk to you. Get involved with what he is doing. Take him to EB Games or something, tell him to go to his friends house because right now friends are very important to him. Encourage him to do that, so he will know that you understand how life is for him. When he comes home from school, go like " Hey.. how was your day?" Ask him if he has mean teachers or something because that can also get on a childs' nerves!! Treat him like he is your best friend! Play video games, computer games with him, help him on his homework, if he doesn't like someone or a teacher, just agree with him, and correct him if he does something wrong. (Don't yell) The more you learn to love and understand him, the more he can do that to you. Good Luck and all the best!
2007-06-09 05:34:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has been a "good kid" until now, then he is just establishing himself as "an adult" in his own mind. We know he has a billion years before he actually is, but this is the "age of puberty" he has chemicals flowing through his body, he is getting bigger, feeling "less kid like" in us parents minds... 12 is still a baby... but he is also "thinking" better... his mind is starting to ask itself question he doesnt know the answers too. Like parental behavior, his own emotions, likes and dislikes,... let him know how you feel about him... love and emotions... make a joke ... telling him you're not expecting a big disney movie ending to the conversation where everyone huggs and kisses and then gets ice cream... unless he wants ice cream... :)... and then let him know you know he is entering his "adult" or Pre adult phase and things are going to be changing in his heart and mind.. tell him you are open to any questions he has... any ... or if he doesnt feel comfortable talking to you, you will help him find someone who he will be able to talk to... a neighbor, relative, clergy, proffesional, or the homeless guy down the alley... :) .... keep it light, yet serious. Then let him know that you are open to letting him have more le-way, less "rules", more "space"... but he HAS to also act more adult like, respectful, and allow you to show him the road to adulthood, or he will have to fight for his freedom. Ask him which is easier... and then remind him that someday, if he lets you help him, then he will "be the boss" and in control of his life, career, and children, ... your just asking him to walk the same road you, and everyone else has had to walk... even his yet to be born children. Let him know that if he does ever have an issue with drugs, girls, or sexuality... and let him know that you bring these up because they are such big issues in a teens life , not that you think he has a problem with them... but that if he ever did... you would not "throw him out of the house, or kill him, upset is allowed, but that he won't be throwing himself to the lions if he does, that there will be some mercy" ... then telll him you love him, and that there will still not be a disney channel ending, but there will be a nikolodian ending and give him a hug. .... parents seem to go either hard core or "best freind"... it is a balance... just like managing at work... times to joke and times to be stern.... if you are consistant... and don't blow the first time anything happens, then they will learn to respect you... little kids listen out of fear, older kids listen out of respect.
2007-06-09 05:44:36 · answer #3 · answered by louman333 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is growing up and like the others had said he will grow out of it. When I was 12 I would contradict my parents. My parents out of love did handed me out my punishment such as: taking away the thing I like to do, writing essays, reciting Bible verses, and/or copy a chapter from the Bible. Let him hang out with friends and be a kid just make sure he doesn't over step his bounties with you since you are the boss and you know more then he does. He may not like it when you punish him but later he will thank you for it. Hope this help and good luck.
2007-06-09 05:56:03 · answer #4 · answered by billyraycyrusfan1988 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a phase and he will grow out of it but keep the lines of communication open if he gets disrespectful or rude tell him you will continue to talk to him when he can talk to you politely. Lead by example if you want him to be respectful you need to be respectful kids model their parents the good and the bad. Set an okay curfew for his age and demand that he give you the name and number where he is going to be . Be a very active parent, no matter how much he detests it. Good luck we are going through the similar thing with my stepdaughter right now she is 12 going to be 13 in December and it almost scares me. Welcome to the life of a teen ager.
2007-06-10 15:48:17 · answer #5 · answered by chiefs fan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to tell you this, but you will probably have "attitude" problems with your child for quite a while. He is an adolescent and will be a teenager soon. It's normal for a child that age to be rebellious. Lord knows that I certainly was. But he should grow out of it eventually. Just treat him good. Feed him. Shelter him. And pray for patience because you will need it. Good luck.
2007-06-09 05:31:42 · answer #6 · answered by Ham B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not too late, but you will have to be consistent. Be prepared for him to test the level of your commitment. Follow-through will be key. Your behavior is motivated by your love and concern and you need to communicate that to him.
Some suggestions:
~set a reasonable curfew
~insist on passing grades
~end conversations with him if he becomes disrespectful (with an offer to continue when he is ready to be polite)
~if he receives an allowance, have expectations that go with it (keeping his room reasonably clean, helping with chores)
2007-06-09 05:38:46 · answer #7 · answered by yakngirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It wont stop till he is in his 20's. For me I lived with my mom and my dad was not around till my late teens. I lived in a bad area in Oakland and I could have became a relay bad person, like a lot of my friends. The best thing to do is be vary close to him, know ware he is all the time. Give him love even though you could slap him. punish him every time he dose something bad. I got to see "as a kid" how my friends were not getting punished as much as me. I hated it and toled my mom I hated her. But looking back on it, I see a bunch of my friends in prison or like one of my close friend, dead. It take a lot of strength but In the long run its worth it.
2007-06-09 05:39:33 · answer #8 · answered by mr jones 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My son, Eric, was like that, but his father was around him. It's just an attitude change because they now understand feelings and are growing. Don't worry, this is normal.
2007-06-09 05:28:30 · answer #9 · answered by callie=] 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont worry. It's natures way of making kids more independant. They get into this "attitude" stage where they think their right and your wrong. Everyone goes threw it, usually at different degrees of it.
2007-06-09 05:30:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋