what do i do when my 3 year old says no back to us and he doesnt listen unless i get up. well some times hedoe

Question

i have a 3 yr old son who has been thru a lot. not only that but in a loy of way hes just like me. he gets into everything and helps with everything and fixes everything.he listens sometimes and not sometimes. he takes his mother less serious.he raises his hand to us when we go to give him a spanking on his diaper. i know this is common. a lot of people were telling me to break his will and make sure i spank him good. and now is the age to do it. i need to just spank him a couple of times but dont leave a mark.

i dunno the awnser.
my dad just hit about 10 times , every time , any where he could.and i was fighting him all the way. stubborn headed but also my dad always took it to extremes.half the time though he was loving and caring and nuturing.i know i dont want that for my son but i dont want him to end up in jail either.i talk to him and teach him things all the time and i try to watch his diet. my son has no kids to play with at the house. only at the park,we go 5 times aweek

wow this topic is soo hard to talk about in a way with only this much space.
im not saying i dont talk to my kid. im saying what do you think about spanking. what is the norm for a 3 yr old. and yes my son is the very very independant type as i am. i have always felt 10 years older than i actually am. we do not scream in my home and rarely yell. i explain things to my son and teach him things. i spend quality one on one time with him. i buy him toys and i hug him and hold him and watch movies and tv with him. i dont spank cuz he says no. but the constant nagging and repeated asking for something is what gets me to want to spank him. i know everybodys looking at the worst nowadays and always want to find a messed up person to make them selves feel better about themselves. i dont beat my kid. i have only ever spanked him a total of about 10 times if that. my son is just very outgoing as all the males on my dads side and hes a hand full , but i love him to death. we just moved hes adjust

Answer 1

you do have to break him. It sounds horrible, but if you don't, when he's 15 he'll be slapping his mom.

its not the number of spanks or even how hard it is, though it should sting at least a little. swat him on the hand, with a small switch of some sort. Don't get angry, don't raise your voice. You can even smile as you do it.

And you must be consistent.

later on, as he gets older, you can be more creative. the best thing my wife ever did is hand my son rag and told him to wipe the floor because he said he didn't want to mop!

Answer 2

I have 3 kids...22, 16 and 11. Three was always a much harder age than 2. Whatever you do, don't break hs will and his spirit. I believe in spanking and always have. Time out also helps. You want him to be curious and smart and a leader. You don't want a little robot that is scared. At least I hope you don't. However you want him to respect you and his mother. Of course he raises his hand when he is going to be spanked. That is almost a reflex of self defense. If he acts up, don't take him to the park that day. There has to be consequences for bad behavior other than hitting. Can you enroll him in a part time nursery school? Maybe something in your park district. Just a day or two a week will help him learn invaluable social skills as well as some discipline. That way he will use up some energy, learn something and have fun.

Answer 3

Some of the people answering your question seem to think that a mother-child relationship is like a master -slave relationship. 'I'm the boss. You do as I say or I'll whop you one or two or ten" . All that teaches your child is that 'might makes right'. If you're bigger than someone, you can boss them around, hit them if you don't like what they are doing. But really, is that the kind of child you want to raise? Do you really want a child who's spirit is broken? Do you really want an obedient 'servant' who'll respond with 'yes ma'am,' 'No, ma'am' but when the frustration builds up lashes out at the weakest person around him because that's the only way he knows how to deal with frustration? Or would you prefer to have a child who'll grow up to be a true companion, someone who grows up to be understanding and respectful of other people because he's always been treated with respect, someone who does the 'right and moral' thing because he truly understands that it's the right and moral thing to do, not because he's afraid of punishment?
True the first way is easier, but it's also the way that doesn't foster independence or leadership qualities in a child. From what you say of the child, he sounds like a verry independent type. Of course he'll raise his hand to protect himself when you get ready to spank him. It's a natural reaction. No doubt you'd do the same. If were you, I'd stop the whopping. Instead talk to him, explain why he should do certain things. I know he's only three and it'll take longer. It'll also take a lot of repetition. But don't you think your child is worth it? I certainly would try to teach the child respect by showing him respect. Of course you need to make him understand there are consequences for naughty behavior. But not a spanking. Just withdraw privileges. And of course, always reward him when he's good, even if the reward is only a big bear hug and a sloppy kiss.

Answer 4

First off spanking him is not the answer...Kids act what they see. If you hit him or spank him you are teaching him it is ok to hit. And you are also teaching him that the bigger you are the better you can control smaller people.When he hits you. take his hand and bend down to his level and tell him hitting is not nice and it is unacceptable behavior. If you are going to hit then you have to go to the corner. ( Or find a spot to put him when he is bad. We use to do a minute per age. so example would be he is three so three minutes, four four minutes and so on.) The same thing with the saying no. When he says no tell him that you do not like it when he tells you no. And again put him in the naughty spot. And be persistent. If he gets out tell him no mommy said you have to sit there pick him up and put him back. i know it is hard as a parent to do this. I remember having to turn my back on my daughter for a quick cry. Don't let him see you back down. As long as you are persistent and tell him no. He will eventually listen. It is also important that you do this every time. And not just you but dad too. If you do it once and then let him get away with it you are sending him mixed signals. Another thing remember to encourage him when he does good behavior. When you see him doing soemthing right tell him you are proud of him good job. Kids like to please thier parents. And keep in mind too you do not have a bad child this is a stag that all kids go through it all depends on how you handle it that makes it right or wrong. Good Luck

Answer 5

They say Discipline begins at home ..My parents believe in this and they raised 4 of us and Our wills were not broken and I believe that every punishment,every spanking was apart of their teaching Us right from wrong..I know that raising your hand against My parents would have gotten worse consequence's and the saying No would have never happened in the house either..You are the parents you need to set his limits and boundaries now before it is too late to change what he has already done ..You don't smile at him while your punishing him and No he is not going to feel it on his diaper but across his leg or legs the back side not hard will let him know you say what you mean the first time and when you try this it will startle him and he will cry but set him in his room away from you so as he doesn't see your reaction to it ..It will take more than one or two times of this and soon he will get the point of what the consequence's will be for his actions ..Taking the park away too will show him that it will be taken away as a consequence.
You dont have to do like your father did and go over board but a balance of Disapline between both parents is the key as well as the positive nurturing when he does good ..Would you rather leave a small welt or have him in Jail when he is of age or for that matter really turn on the two of you and personally harm the two of you ...IT is all up to you and your husband you must be strong in your actions and not make it a game ..you are there to learn from his mistakes by showing him what is right and what is wrong...Good Luck...

Answer 6

Consistency is the key. Be careful when you make a threat. Don't say something that you know you won't do. For example, "if you don't stop that I am going to throw all your toys away." Because then he knows you may not mean it.

I am a big fan of putting your child in a corner. My daughter hates it! But it works like a charm. One full minute for every year ... so three minutes for him. If he won't stay, then hold him there. Or you could make him sit in a chair away from everyone else. But make sure his butt doesn't leave the seat. That was the worst punishment you could ever give me. I know because I have been spanked with everything! Switches off trees, hands, flyswatters, belts, books, spoons... you name it.

If those don't work... then take away something he likes. Tell him he won't get it back until he stops doing whatever... or until he behaves.

Good luck... parenting is the toughest job in the world. But hang in there, your son deserves it!

Answer 7

Try to avoid spanking when at all possible. Just remind yourself that spanking is more the result of YOUR frustration than your child's behavior. Instead, try giving your son a time out whenever he misbehaves. Explain to him what he did wrong, put him in a chair to sit alone and quietly for just a few minutes, and then reinforce the need for the time out as well as your love for him. If he gets up from the chair without your permission, then he can start the time out all over...and explain that to him. He may not fully understand at first, but he'll get it. If the time outs don't work, then you may have to withhold a favorite toy or activity until he has earned them with good behavior. And explain that, too. Good luck.

Answer 8

Oh, yikes... I spanked my kids, but this is ridiculous... You're spanking a three year old who's saying "no"... and he's raising his hand to spank you back... and now your plan is to hit him harder? That just doesn't work for me... Spanking is a tool to be used in only limited situations... and it sounds like this is a behavioral problem.

First, lower the tone of EVERYTHING in the house.. I can almost year you all hollering from here!! Turn the volume down a little... work to create a more organized and calm atmosphere. TAKE CHARGE of your home and your child... and I don't mean be a fritch, I mean... calm down... speak softly, clearly, and slowly... and if he doesn't listen, then keep a calm voice and make him look at you. I used to say, "look at mommy!!" They'd look and I'd say, "Mommy asked you to (fill in the blank)" When they turn six or so, they get full fo themselves all over again... at that point, you can pinch the little muscle that runs from the neck to the shoulder, while softly saying, "I asked you to ....." Do this if they don't respond right away to you. Don't ask five times, then start yelling... NEVER be willing to do that.

Your kids will only be as mindful or as disrespectful as you allow them to be. That doesn't mean you have to be hateful about it... or violent. It means you need to be a responsible, caring adult, who takes calculated steps to make sure she's raising her children to be obedient and respectful.

Answer 9

i am a 3 year old preschool teacher and believe me this is one of the worst stages for parents. i also have a 3 year old little girl. she doesn't listen to a thing her dad has to say. however with mom she does. because i enforce the rules.

children are a lot harder now a days then we used to be. and i have seen that over the years they are getting more stubborn and have issues listening to anyone. teachers or their parents. however both of you (mom and dad) need to be very firm with him. he has to know that you mean what you say. if you give in your done for he wont listen to anything you have to say. if he sees that you truly are serious and there is absolutely NO giving in eventually he will listen to you.

DO NOT give up. there is hope and if you really do stand your guard and don't give in to his behavior he will respect you even at the age of 3. children know there boundaries especially with mom or dad. i would say hold off on beating his bottom. unless he really really deserves it! but know that even at 3 it is NOT okay to raise his hand at either of you. you are the parents don't forget that!

good luck! don't give in to any of his tantrums when he does not get what he wants..... he will learn to take NO for an answer. and he will respect you a whole lot more!

Answer 10

You said when you get up he listens? Do you sit back down then? I have found the best way to teach kids is one warning. After that, they need to know you mean business. I guarantee you your son knows how many times you will say something before measures are taken. If you surprise him a couple of times, he won't know what to expect anymore.