Do you think there are some woman that should not have kids?

Question

I love babies and I love kids and I believe in the santicity of life but do you feel that there are some woman out there that should not be mothers?

I am sure you heard on the news about Andrea Yates who had 5 beatuiful children and drowned them one by one in the bathtub because the devil told her too?

Why did she not get help? In light of what I just shared do you think there are woman that should never get pregnant in the first place?

I was for financial and medical reasons advised never to conceive and my husband and I made a councious choice with sugery not to have kids, I trust God he knows what is best.

Do you also feel that there are ladies giving birth but are not truly mothers? I once said to my mom anyone can be a mother but it takes someone speical to be a mommy?

What is your take on this?

Answer 1

I agree that there are women who should not have kids. And I am glad that at least some of them recognize it BEFORE having kids.

It's been described as the hardest job in the world. Of course there are people out there who aren't going to be able to hack it.

And I also agree with you that the ability to give birth does not alone equate to earning the reverent title "mother" nor does the ability to donate sperm to the equation earn the reverent title of "father."

Answer 2

I think that there are some women out there that should not have kids. More women are choosing to go this route. I have come across many women that had kids and gave the kids to the ex husband in the divorce. You would never have heard of that 10 years ago, if the mother did not have custody of their child it was because they were unfit. At first you think (myself being a mother) how could she do that but you know just because you can or did give birth to a child, that doesn't necessarily make her a mother. I guess that some women just realize after the fact that giving birth was not the right thing for them to do. You have to feel the mother's love in your heart, most of the mom's out there know what I am talking about and put your child above everything else but alot of women nowdays think that their career or social life is more important. If that is the case then the kid is better off!

Answer 3

There are many people out there who should not be mothers, but unfortunately, some of them already are.

If you've made a conscious decision not to have children, goo for you for recognizing that this is not the path for you. That doesn't mean you are a Susan Smith or Andrea Yates, it means that you've put thought into a difficult decision and come up with an intelligent solution.
As far aas why she did not get help, she was probably not able to recognize that she needed it, or possibly recognize that she needed help, but was too afraid or embarrassed to get it, so in her twisted sick mind, she did the unthinkable. Who knew, though that she was capable of doing such a thing? Apparently NO ONE who knew her prior.

In light of what you wrote in your question, if you are ever in a position where you need to talk with someone, don't hesitate. Don't let something get the best of you....

be well, take care

Answer 4

I completely agree...some women are just not made to be mothers. I was also told I should never give birth, but I don't think that means I can't have kids...I can adopt. I want to be a mom, cause I know I could do it.

As for that Psychotic Yates woman, her family tried to get her help, and she left the clinic. Also, a lot of the blame has to fall upon her husband. You know he found her with a knife to her own throat, ready to kill herself? And yet, he thought that it would be a marvelous idea to let her watch his children by herself...oh, but only for an hour a day...just to be cautious. An hour was obviously enough. He was another man who should never have had children because he did not care enough for his kids to keep them away from their mentally unstable mother.

As a matter of fact, my neighbor is a foster mother, and recently took in a little boy who had been locked in a closet for an extended period of time (Don't remember how long exactly) And this boy was the saddest sight I had ever seen...He was pale and peaky from being closed up, he was bony from starvation, and his eyes had the hollow, unloved look that no child's should ever have. The parents of that boy are obviously not fit parents, so no, they should not ever have had children.

I certainly agree, it's easy to become a mother...but it takes a lifetime to be a mom.

Answer 5

I think that there are women out there who don't want to have kids, and that these women shouldn't have them. I also think that we are lacking some basic fundamentals of compassion for women who deal with things like postpartum depression, post adoption depression (which is now recognized as a form of clinical depression), post partum psychosis (which is what Andrea Yates had), or other mental illnesses. I think what is happening here is a basic lack of understanding of mental illness. Psychosis is not like having a bad day and making a rational choice to drown your five children. It is pervasive and from what I understand the person with psychosis loses their grasp on reality/rational thought. Some hear voices, some have manifest paranoia, some follow an idea or a train of thought because it seems the most rational and trustworthy one they have, though to the rest of us it seems mind-blowingly irrational.
Did Andrea Yates know she would have psychosis before she had children? Likely not.
I do think that as a society we would be better served spending our time educating ourselves regarding mental illnesses and their fallout, and helping those who are hurt by mental illness, and supporting mothers as they forge the difficult waters of parenting, than in spending our time judging those who succumbed to the voices in their heads

Answer 6

If you truly trust God you know that the children who are born to mothers who do not 'take on' the motherly role very easily were so for a reason.

I am sorry that you cannot have children. That's the way it goes sometimes. Adoption is always a great way if you truly desire to have a family if not fostering children.

Why not do something great for [non-biological] children instead of just grieve and gripe about not having children? Have you ever thought of working at a pregnancy help center to help those parents make tough decisions? Have you ever thought about getting involved in a homeless shelter to help those children who are less fortunate? God put you here unable to bear children for a reason. It is your will to decide what to do about it. Best of Luck!

Answer 7

You made the right choice to be sure you didn't have kids if you for ANY reason couldn't or wouldn't be able to give all ! that kids require for a responsible up-bringing. Any animal can procreate--that doesn't mean that any of us will be good parents--even in the animal kingdom there are cases of poor rearing of offspring. Just crunching out a baby doesn't mean you you are a "mother" If you can't afford kids (but have them & expect the rest of us to pay for them) or you don't have the mental capacity to raise a child, then don't have them. If you have physical, mental, financial, or other probs that would keep you from giving 110% to a child, don't have one! the world would be in much better shape if this had been in the minds of our ancestors and will be better in the future if we keep it in mind. Children take Love, Money, stability, energy, understanding, teaching & training, and infinately more beyond the simple copulation that's required (and easily accomplished) to mearly conceive--any animal can do that.

Answer 8

There are some people who should not have kids period. One of my old buddies from high school had an older sister who has 5 kids, all different men, and only has custody of 2 (the two kids whose fathers were from another country). She has no patience for her children. But she refuses to get her tubes tied because she feels it is her "right" to continue bearing children(that she cannot care for). Hell, if I had medical training, I would have drugged the cow and done it myself!

Mental illness is another matter entirely. I am simply thinking of the ones who view their kids as paychecks (like the friend's sis)

Answer 9

unfortunately i think there are a lot of women who would be better off never being mothers and even worse, there are a lot of children with mothers who are terrible to them. However, I believe everyone has the right to have children and to make that choice for themselves. We as a society need to take more responsibility for making sure that people are fit to be parents. if you think education is expensive, you should try ignorance.

Answer 10

Who are we to say who should and shouldn't have kids? Like you said, "I trust God he knows what is best". How things may seem isn't always what we think it is. Things happen for a reason...for whatever reason God delivered 5 children to Andrea Yates, yet there are women out there who cannot conceive no matter how much they try. There are lessons to be learned with everything that happens in life.