I lost my job can you cheer me up with some jokes:( :( :(?

Question

Can people snd me some realy funny and silly jokes to try and cheer me up as i was sacked today

Answer 1

Sorry to hear of your misfortune mate. but maybe this ode I heard some while back may help

If you work hard and do your best

you will get the sack like all the rest

But if you laze and sod about

You will live to see the job right out

The work is hard the pay is small

So take your time and sod them all

As when your dead you'll be forgot

So why try doing the bleeding lot

Or on your headstone neatly laquered

They will inscribe three words..


I'm Bloody Knackered

Answer 2

Yes people, I'm back with some of my fave jokes:

How does a vampire cross the Red Sea?
In a blood vessel lol.

What has a hundred pairs of legs and can't walk?
Fifty pairs of trousers.

A limerick I heard on here which made me laugh.

There once was a painter called Saint
Who swallowed some samples of paint
All colours of the spectrum
Flowed out of his rectum
With a colouful lack of restraint.

There once was a man called Darjeeling
Who once caught a bus to Ealing
The sign on the door
Said " Don't spit on the floor"
So he stood up and spat on the ceiling!

These crack me up big time. Don't worry you will get a job soon, but in the meantime, you can have fun on Answers while you can! Good luck.

Answer 3

a man goes into a pub with a cat and a parrot , the man orders three whiskies the cat says it's not my round. The parrot says I'll get them,they drink them and the cat orders three more but says its not his round. They drink them and the parrot orders three more, once again the cat says it's not his round. The barman says to the man if you don't mind me saying it's an unusual combination of pets a parrot and a cat, to which the man replied yes I helped an old lady across the road she told me she was a white witch and would grant me a wish. I asked for an exotic bird with a tight pssy.

Answer 4

Awwww, I feel ya bro!

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.

LOL-enjoy! Peace, ~N

Answer 5

I went to a seafood disco the other week and pulled a muscle
A man came round in hospital after a serious operation.He shouted Doctor doctor,I can't feel my legs!The doctor replied I know you can't i've cut your arms off.

2 elephants walk off a cliff Boom Boom !

Hope your smiling lol x

Answer 6

Sorry to hear that Nik.!!!
Just read some jokes on the site as there are some real funny ones on.!!!
Good luck in getting another job.!!!

Answer 7

Well I just lost my job as well. The joke is what they were paying me.

Answer 8

Contacts

A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses."
The woman answered "Well, I have contacts."
The policeman replied "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!"

Answer 9

A family is having their dinner. the little girl said to her father"dad,today that "xxx" uncle came to our house and mom exchanged kisses with him"
the father asked"then what happened?"
"then mom helped that uncle remove his dress and he helped mom remove her dress"
then what happened?!!!!!!
the girl answers "then they both did what you and "yyy"aunt did yesterday

Answer 10

Rite .. your knackered, outta work, probably have debts,
AND, you are not even better off, than the one
legged, ethnic lesbian with 2 kids who exsistes
round the corner from anyone !!..... is there no justice
babes !! they getting it all !!! (PS.no disregards
to any alternative Gender !!)