Is it wrong?

Question

My husband and I have been married for 6 months. I'm 30 and he's 7 1/2 years older than I am. He has 2 kids and so do I. I want us to have one together, for many reasons, the main ones being that I want to have *his* baby and I simply want another child. However, he already has 2 girls and I have one of each. Neither of us really wants another girl lol. However, it's keeping us from really trying for a baby, because we are afraid it will be another girl. We both desperately want another boy. Please help me figure out how to change our minds about this. I'd LOVE another son, but it seems like if we had a baby girl, it'd be....sighs.....another girl? Please don't bash me or tell me how ungrateful I am or how selfish I'm being because I have already thought about all of that. Yes, we would most want the baby to be healthy, but have any of you felt the way that we are now? What did you do about it?

Answer 1

Ultimately the question has to be whether you want 'his' child or not regardless if it's a boy or girl because you cannot choose the sex of the child unless you adopt. The sperm spinning does not work (My friend had 3 boys, wanted a girl, did that procedure and ended up with TWIN BOYS!). Anyway, I think you both have to think about the fact that in the end this would be your child together, girl or boy. If you really don't want another girl, then hopefully you're content with your family the way it is because you wouldn't want to bring a child into the world and have that feeling in the back of your heart that you may not love her as much because she's a girl. She would sense that in some way, children always do. That's a realy heavy thing to have weighing on you when you have this beautiful little thing looking up at you and depending on you for everything. If you would truly be that disappointed, don't do it. I just don't think it would be fair to your daughter. How about the other children if you had a son? Would you dote on him more because he's yours together? Right now your children are all 'even'. No one is better than anyone else, but if you get the boy you want wiill the dynamics change? Are you or your husband more likely to go to his soccer games than your daughters'? You don't have to tell us anything, just be honest with yourself about it. It's great that you're thinking about it because you do not want to do an innocent child such a disservice while you're still in an uncertain state of mind. You may find that after thinking it over you really want another child no matter what or you may find that the only reason you want a child is to bond your husband to you in that way.

I guess, my opinion is that after considering how you feel about the situation... think about how the children would feel. Including the baby as he/she grows.

You will find the answer in your heart :-)

Answer 2

While I don't really understand how you feel, maybe because I am only pregnant with my second maybe I can offer some advise.

Maybe you should wait for some time and see how you are feeling. Wait 6 months and see if you both still want to have a baby. Also you could try some of those old wives tales about conceiving a boy (there are a tonne).

Ultimately though I can't imagine if you did have another baby that when the baby was actually here you would love her any less just because she's a girl ;-)

Answer 3

I won't bash you, you're welcome to your own opinion. What you should consider first is a child conceived together is still a child of you two. There is no way to choose the gender of your baby unless you adopt. If you don't want a girl then you don't want another baby. Unless you both can accept that's a 50/50 chance then you should either hold off for a little while or decide against it. Unfortunately I've not been in your situation I would be happy as long as it was healthy. Good Luck and I hope you come to a reasonable conclusion.

Answer 4

I had to come to grips with the fact that I might not have the sex of child I desired and made sure I was okay with that before proceeding further. Now, this took some time but it is important that you do this before going any further. If you cannot come to terms with this and know you will be happy either way, you do not need to try for another child.

Once you do that, read Landrum B Shettle's "How to determine the sex of your child". Everyone we know who read and followed his methods got what they were hoping for. What can it hurt?
In a family where there haven't been any girls born on my husband's side for three generations and a recent five grandsons on my side, we now have a little girl.

:) You are not a bad person for wanting a son. Just go through the processes and make sure you can be happy either way. You sound like a good parent.

Answer 5

My husband and I are expecting our second child and we both really want a girl because we have a son. We're planning on finding out the sex of this baby.

I think that even if it's another boy we'll be a little disapointed at first but when we hold our new baby in our arms it won't matter what sex it is. We will love the baby just the same!

I think for you and your husband it would be the same, a little disapointment at first then it wont matter anymore...

Answer 6

There is a web site called www.yourdays.com
It has a calendar, on which you can calculate your fertile days. It also will tell you how to more likely to conceive a boy or girl. I don't know how accurate it is, but it's worth taking a look at, right.
Hubby and I are trying to conceive and it actually tells my ovulation day very close to the real deal.
Hope this helped a bit.
Good luck and boy baby dust to you... :o)

Answer 7

I'm glad you wrote this. My husband is in Iraq now, and we've discussed trying one more time. We have two girls, and they're awesome, but I want a boy. I think the solution I decided on is to not have an ultrasound at all. That way, I'll fall in love with whatever I'm given and I won't have any time to think about it until it's too late. I don't know if that's a good plan or not, but it's the one I've got.

Answer 8

Its normal to have all kinds of feelings, if you do try again and it is a girl im sure once you give birth to that beautiful baby, you wont care what the sex is. Its fine if you want the other son to have a baby brother just like your girls do but in life its not our choice. You gotta jump and hope you get what you want, lol. I know this isnt very hepful but just wanted to wish you luck if you try for that boy! (Its opposite in my family my husband wants 4 girls!! i think he is crazy but he likes how they are emotionally and girly its funny how 2 lifes are differant)

Answer 9

Don't rely on the Chinese Gender chart, according to that I'm suppose to be pg w/ a boy right now but I'm having a girl. I also checked out that website mentioned yourdays.com to see what it says according to my date of conception. That too says boy. There isn't any way to really know.

Answer 10

There are techinuqes to try to control the gender of the baby but they are only a little better than 50-50. Talk to your doctor about them and see what s/he says.

You can also do it invitro and be even more sure, but $$$$