Should I try to rebuild my relationship with my parents?

Question

When I was a teen I made mistakes and they were harsh and cruel. I apologized sincerely, but for 6 months I was punished and though I pleaded for their trust and forgiveness they were extremely cruel and didn't give. Now I'm 24, a biologist, doing well in my life, the girl they wanted. But since my teen years I've been so resentful that I avoid them and haven't seen them for more than 4 years. For 3 months they've kept callng me every day, want to fix our relatioship, say they love me. Sometimes this upsets me, but I don't want a relationship w/ them. It's damaged for life, impossible to fix it,impossible to pretend nothing happened.Could we have a relationship based on love and trust? I guess not, there will always be wounds, and if we can't have a relationship as good as it was many years ago, I'd better not have any relationship at all. I'm pregnant, in 7 months will be a mom, and it's unthinkable i'll ever be so harsh on my kid, even if he messes up. Im already a MOM to him

Answer 1

Try and work out a relationship. Tell them it will most likely never be the type they want, but you will try.

Answer 2

I think you should contact them and just let them know that you are doing well and show them that you are a much different person today. I recently contacted my mom after not speaking to her for a year. Her health is bad and I knew that if anything ever happened to her, I would have regrets. She is still my mom! This doesn't mean our relationship will ever be perfect and it certainly doesn't change the way she has treated me in the past. I try to remember that people make mistakes, especially parents. Adjust your expectations and try not to expect too much in the beginning because there are obviously some hard feelings. Just start with a simple phone call and try not to harp on the past. Easier said than done, I know! Good luck :)

Answer 3

I think you should build a new relationship with your parents. The old relationship is gone. You are grown and have a good life, your parents are different now too, about to become grandparents. The past should stay there. It sounds to me like you need to forgive them for being who they were then. Parenting is a hard job and parents don't always do what is right, but most always do what they think is best for their child, just like you will do. I am sure you will make your own mistakes with your child. Having a new baby brings both joy and love deeper into your heart, adding your parents to the circle will be awesome, something you will not regret.

Answer 4

Sounds like you are very bitter. But you have to realize that you will now and forever have parents that love you, some people aren't as fortunate... while that doesn't mean that you should totally ignore your hurt feelings, I think you should give them a chance, look at the effort they are making. It's sounds like they are sin-sear to me! Do you really want to deny your child loving grandparents.. You can probably use this great opportunity to get back a healthy relationship with your parents. It's alright to take it slow and not just take them back right away, but the alternative is a life of bitterness; I'm willing to bet that your attitude would rub off on your child; is that how you really want you child to grow up? Best of luck to you.
-Bob

Answer 5

Sometimes its better just to leave things the way they are. You can try to rekindle the relationship you had with your parents but first let them know how you really feel about things that happened in the past and if they don't like it then they will never understand and would just get worse. I suggest that you ask them why they want a relatioinship with you and let them know how you feel and give it a few days or weeks and if they keep on trying to call you then that means they might want to try to patch things up. Things will never be the same and maybe you can gradually build up that relatioinship but it will take lots of time and patience. Your parents should apologize to you...

Answer 6

your parents did what they thought was best even tho it seemed harsher than needed to be..but...if you continue not seeing them and trying to havea parent child relationship..then think about this ok?? someday your going to think about the past and this episode you jsut explained to us here..and your going to say well i forgive but its hard to forget..realize us parents dont get instrucions with a baby when they arrive..we raise them to the bes tof our abilities and we use how we was brought up..in some punishments..even tho some isnt right..so after ya thinka bout all that..now think about all the valuable times youve lost while deliberatly avoiding them..all the weeks months and years..and think about how your children are missing out on grandparents that have done nothign to them..but you choose to hold this forever against them..and then think about tomorrow..what if tomorrow never comes?? itll be too late to try and fix the family relationship and the children to know their grandpaents..now you cna change this by seeing your parents and haveing a good talk with them..and all 3 of you need to tell what happened ..why and what its done for you..ok dear?? hugsssss//we all grow older and regret some things weve done an said and have done an said to others... i think the word trust and forgiveness goes hand in hand here..you need to forgive and trust they will as well...and i feel that your family realizes the punishment they gave youw as a bit much at that point... hugs sweetie and GOD bless..be thankful everyday you have your poarents alive ..and show them you do love them..and you also need to forgive yourself sweetie!!

Answer 7

Suck it up and reconcile with the only parents you have...You are acting like a teenager, not a 24 year old biologist...Your parents were only acting in your best interest when you were a teenager, and you rebelled, from the sound of it...reconcile with them before you have the kid...No doubt you will need their help with the baby anyway, whether you know it or not...and remember one thing that maybe will help make it clear...Your parents won't be around forever...If you don't reconcile with them, you will carry the hurt around with you for the rest of your life after they are gone...

Answer 8

Life is too short to stay angry and hurt for so long. You would always feel guilty if your folks died before things are patched up. So, I reccommend that you try to reconcile for everyone's sake. It may not be easy, but few things in life that matter are easy. And, to make sure this goes well, get a counselor to help you all sort out your difference. Best wishes to you and I will say a prayer for you!

Answer 9

sit them down tell them how you feel and how hurt you were when these things happened just like you told here. if they truly love you it will get better as time goes on. give them the chance to see what you have become and show them that you know how to be a mother. never give up a parents love is irriplaceable. i don't have either anymore and i wished i did sometimes. try and see what happens.

Answer 10

You need to sit down with your parents & have a talk with them. As a parent, I will tell you we all make mistakes with our children. I truly feel you should give them a chance. My own father was mean when I was growing up, but he has changed so much over the years, especially since I gave them their first granddaughter!! He is a completely different person now. I'm guessing they have changed & realize their mistakes & would like to get to know you again. Especially since you are having thir grandbaby!! Please go & talk to them!! you will find you may need your mom when you have your baby!! I would like to know what you decide. please, if you wouldn't mind, keep me posted, as i said, my situation was much like yours. good luck!! Hope I helped!!