Death of someone close?

Question

I split up with someone six months ago. It was difficult for us both. We exchanged emails, text messages but both resolved that we were doing the right thing.

It got better and the 'missing' part was easier. I felt I could see her agian and not want to embrace.

She died suddenly (shes 35) last week.

I cant start to describe what I feel. No sleep, no food, nothing and Im out of the loop for funeral arrangements and the like.

I need to say goodbye. Anyone, please....

The

Answer 1

Wow, this is brutal.
I've been wanting to respond to you for several days, but it's hard to know what to say. Your situation is also a little unusual. I mean, how much are you supposed to care about an ex, anyway?

When my mom died I really was glad that she was not suffering any more. So why did I still feel so bad?
I learned that all of the feeling bad was something I was doing for me, not for her. I felt bad because I was scared about what life was without her. I felt bad because I could not say I was sorry for every time I hurt her. Every thing I felt bad about was something all about me and my fears and regrets.

I spent a lot of time having internal conversations with her. I apologized, I complimented, I shared things. I didn't imagine that this was for her. I knew that it was all closure for me.

You have already demonstrated that your relationship with her was a positive growing experience, and that the challenges were good for you. I think you need to remember this as you grieve and say goodbye. You already said goodbye to her once. What do you think about when you say goodbye again? What thoughts do you have when you think about the breakup goodbye compared to the death goodbye?

Everything that you do now is for YOU. You need to think about what rituals or meaningful things you can do that help you to transform your thoughts and emotions into a release. It's possible that this may take a long time.

Answer 2

There are five stages of grief and you may want to find someone to speak with either a counselor or a trusted friend.
Maybe even find a grief support group and there are some really good things out there to read to help with this loss too..
Wishing you peace at this sorrowful time,
Laura

Answer 3

How tragic.

While you'll never "get over" her, with time the pain will subside. One thing that might help you grieve is to write a letter to her. Also, try to get to the funeral if possible.

Sorry for your loss.

Answer 4

you will never forget but it will get easier. i have lost a husband and my mother within 4 years of each other. i loved them both with all of my heart. i went stupid after i lost my husband drinking, drugs anything really. until 1 day i looked at my son and said what are you doin'? dumbass. i pulled myself together moved and started over. my son became my reason for waking everyday. it will take time but always remember the times the two of you had together never let them go and they will stay with you always in your heart. good luck hang in there and be strong.