My Dad has been going to an inaproppriate site and i found out about 2 weeks ago when I went to the close list to go to a website i accidently exited out of.I want to tell my mom but i'm afraid that they might get a divorce since he is practically cheating on her.He has 5 kids and I'm 11. I confronted him yesterday and all he did was shrugged. I was Heartbroken. What should I do?
2007-06-08 07:45:37 · 28 answers · asked by Lauri P 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Talk to your mom. Let your parents do what they need to.
2007-06-08 07:48:25 · answer #1 · answered by Chick-a-Dee 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Wow, Lauri - I'm really sorry.
First of all - no you don't need to grow up and 'get in the real world'. Porn is damaging. It's not 'normal' just because too many people do it. It's addicting, and it totally skews people's ideas about what that kind of a relationship should be like. You're totally right to be upset.
I'm sorry your dad's reaction was less than helpful. He's probably really embarrassed, and doesn't know how to talk to you about it. That was brave of you to confront him, though.
I wouldn't be afraid to talk to your mom about it, especially if you tell her why you are concerned to tell her - you don't want to hurt her and you don't want to jeopardize her relationship with your dad. But you should let her know how upset this has made you. There's a very good chance that she'll be able to talk to your dad about it, and get more than a shrug.
It's scary and disappointing, but take heart. It's a problem, but not one that will wreck your family. If your dad realizes how upsetting it is to you (and your mom) he'll figure it out.
2007-06-08 15:02:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He should have done more than shrugged. It was an opportunity for you and him to talk about life and lessons. And to be honest, he really shouldn't be going to websites that are open for you to find since he's exposing you to inappropriate material, even if he isn't doing it on purpose.
You caught him doing something and his response was probably due to his embarrassment over being caught by his daughter. But your mom might already know what he's doing on the computer and if your mom divorces your dad over this, it won't be because of you, or probably even just this event. I would hope they have a relationship that's much better than letting one thing cause a divorce.
2007-06-08 15:06:00 · answer #3 · answered by Michelle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, it's not a crisis yet. Lots of men look at "inappropriate" sites. Really I am just sorry that you had to see it. He should have been more careful. You were brave to confront your dad on the issue. If he shrugged, he probably did not know what to say and probably he is panicking inside. Your parents won't necessarily get a divorce over this. There is a possibility your mom already knows that your father looks at such sites. I don't want to tell you what to do: whether you should say anything to your mom or not. You really shouldn't have that responsibility.
2007-06-08 14:55:46 · answer #4 · answered by Karibuboo 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Leave it alone. What you think is inappriate may not be inappropriate to an adult. Your Mom may already know about it and be OK with it. If your Dad's looking at porn sites, as an adult, married or otherwise, there's nothing wrong with that. It doesn't mean he's cheating on your Mom. It means he likes to look.
It would be inapproriate for you or one of your siblings to look at it. If all he did was shrug, he's most likely not worried that you'll tell your Mom. So he doesn't feel he has anything to hide. Let it go. It's an adult issue.
2007-06-08 14:55:45 · answer #5 · answered by innerradiancecoaching 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whoa. I think you should tell your mom. Guys do that stuff trust me i live in a house where guys are here all the time with my brother. But your mom might talk to him and tell her not to divorce. Maybe they can see a mariage dude.
Good Luck. Stay Strong. This might be really hard but you'll get through this.
Also..One other reason you should tell your mom is because if she finds out in like 4 months and liek you said its like he's cheating on her. It will be a greater chance they will divorce
2007-06-08 14:52:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is a difficult one.
I would say to tell your mom. That way your father doesn't get away with it. He is doing something that he shouldn't be, and your mom needs to know or this is going to continue for ever.
Your mom will be hurt. They probably will fight and argue, but she needs to put him in his place.
About the divorce part. It will only happen if he really doesn't love her. If he does, he will stop doing what he is doing. (but odds are he won't,He'll say he did but will be hiding it very well).
As much as it hurts your mom she needs to know. She can't be home taking care of you and your father and be played for a fool.
2007-06-08 14:55:57 · answer #7 · answered by Life Is Amazing 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would ask your dad if he and your mom are having problems. Mention that you accidentally observed the sites he was looking at because he did not close all of them and as you stated here your concern is if he is cheating. You are very young to know this aspect of your father. He brought this on himself and needs to learn how to deal with his personnel behavior around his children. It is likely that he is very much in love with your mother. Some men are drawn to porn like women are to graphic romance novels. Once you address your concern to him you should feel a great sense of relief.
2007-06-08 15:27:05 · answer #8 · answered by Pastor Gordon Blossom's Special Kind of Love Child 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should try to talk to your dad and get him to really talk, if that fails then you should tell your mom even if it might cause a divorce, don't you think your mom deserves to know?Maybe they can talk and work something out and it might be OK.
2007-06-08 14:51:09 · answer #9 · answered by m○○♥m○○ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First you are only 11. You should have not approached him you should have showed your mom and let her deal with him.I know you on't want them to get a divorced, but if she feels that it's wrong fo him to basically cheating to have to now be grown about it nd deal with any situation. Because anyway you were the one that approached him first, you decided to put your feet into your mom's shoes and wanted to be grown so let her deal wih any decision she want to make.
2007-06-08 14:53:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you feel that there is something going wrong and you are unhappy, I would talk to your mother about it. Before doing so, maybe consult with your counselor in school. But, if you and your mother have a close, good relationship, you should be able to talk to her. I wish you luck!
2007-06-08 14:49:27 · answer #11 · answered by lilmissgringa 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋