My wife says she wants to kill herself and our two children - what do I do?

Question

She makes these references every other day – sometimes in a jokingly manor and sometimes it sounds like she’s serious. I often see medicine or other items on the ground that she lets our 7-month old play with. My other son is 2 and a half. I’m not sure what to do. I don’t know if anybody would believe me – on the outside, she seems like the sweetest woman, she’s an accomplished school teacher, she’s very religious, and the list goes on. I live in San Mateo county of California. Also, she breast-feeds, so no meds. I would love some advice and some specifics on what I can do. Thanks.

Please - I would appreciate specific advice - do I call the police? Do I call a child welfare agency? Is there a person or agency that can advise me on what I need to do? If I see a doctor, will he be able to advise on what to do? Am I the only person in the world that has to deal with this?

Answer 1

DO NOT LEAVE HER ALONE WITH THE KIDS!!!!!
I would talk to the authorities and or child protective services. If you can't protect your children they can help. Also you need to get your wife to a doctor asap!!! Peninsula hospital in Burlingame has an Emergency Psych Department and if you feel that she is a danger to you, the kids or herself, drag her in for an eval. Lie to her and trick her if you must but she needs to be seen before she causes any harm to anyone. Her jokes are a plea for help and letting her kids play with medicine bottles is an easy way for her to say that it was just an accident if any thing happens to them. I am a nurse in San Mateo and I have worked with similar situations like yours.

They may check her out at the hospital and say ok she is fine if she is good at tricking people and send her home or they may keep her either way don't give up. If they send her home your best bet is to take your kids and yourself to a save place and leave her on her own so she can only hurt herself in a worse case. But keep an eye on her at the same time.

If she has never has any history of mental illness or breakdown sometimes after pregnancy women can go through post partum depression and in some cases it can be very severe and cause them to think and act like they normally would not. Talk to her OB/GYN and primary doctor as well and let them know what is going on. The more people you get involved the better and she may be able to recover and become more mentally stable.

Please feel free to email me if you have any questions or concerns. Please do not feel guilty about taking her to the hospital or calling anyone for help. If you don't she may kill them, herself or you. She is crying out for help even if it will seem she does not want it.

Answer 2

I would make arrangements for your children to stay somewhere safe, i.e. your parents house, and explain the situation to them so they don't allow her to come in. I would then confront her on the issue and ask her to go to a hospital with you. If you think she's really serious, and really a threat to your children/herself then you need to see if CA has a law of putting people in a clinic if they exhibit signs that they are a threat to themselves and others, against their will. Here in Fl it's called the 'Baker Act'. And I'd contact your local police on whether or not they can assist you in taking her to a place if she fights you on it. If you think she's just blowing off steam- you really need to address the safety issues of playing with meds,etc. And I am sorry to say, but I would never leave the kids alone with her if you think she has even the slightest bit of seriousness to what she says. Your children, and her safety, should be more important to you than to blow this off. If you think it could be post-pardum depression and she doesn't want to be on meds- talk to an herbalist because there are herbal remedies, I have a friend on some and they work. Religion and being a 'good person' doesn't mean that a person can't have serious needs.
Hope things straighten out.

Answer 3

The best thing you can do for her is take her to a place where she can be evaluated and watched for at least 24 hours. I know that will be hard but it will be best for your kids and your wife. Especially if she is letting your children play with meds. If she is stressed because she feels that she is doing all the work give her a day off every once in a while but only after she gets help. And she can be on meds like Zoloft even though she breastfeeds. That can help her and it does not harm your child.

Answer 4

Regardless of background, education, religion or anything else - postpartum depression has no boundaries. She's either been suffering in silence until recently or she's seriously overstressed and she needs some time to herself to where you can play a bigger role. I stayed at home the first 4 years and sometimes us moms just need time away from the house. Time away from the child that we love but can drive us nuts and occupy our time. Get her a gift certificate for a manicure/pedicure. Either way she should start some sort of talk therapy to help get her feelings out. One can only hold it in so far and no offense, we don't always want to go to our significant others because they can sometimes be part of the problem.

Answer 5

I would talk to either your or her doctor or a pastor about your concerns. With all the stories you see in the news about mothers doing those kinds of things to their kids, you need to take her seriously. Even if she's outwardly a sweet woman and a good teacher, etc., she could have some issues--not that she's a psycho or a bad person, but it could be something clinical. Believe me, I am a stay at home mom with two kids, and I've had days where I feel like harming myself and/or the kids. When I told my doctor about it, she diagnosed me with postpartum depression, even though I was out of the typical range for the onset. Also, sit her down and talk to her about your concerns; don't be judgmental or harsh, but ask her if she feels she needs help with the kids or something like that.
Good luck.

Answer 6

Get her to a doctor. MAKE her seek professional help. DO NOT leave the children alone with her, even for a few minutes. There have been too many publicly broadcast cases in the past ten years for something like this to be taken lightly or ignored. Take, for instance, Susan Smith, who locked her two sons into the family car and rolled it into a South Carolina lake, drowning them. Or Andrea Yates from Texas who drowned all five of her children in the bathtub. Or the woman about three weeks ago, also in Texas, who hung her four children and herself. Postpartum depression is usually to blame in these instances. It has to be something like that, because a mentally healthy mother would die herself before letting harm come to her children, much less harming them herself. In all of those cases, when they talked to neighbors, husbands, etc., everyone alway said things like, "But she was the perfect mother. This is so unexpected. They were the perfect family. She was so good with the kids," etc. And, believe me, should a doctor decide that she need to be on medication for this problem, then you stop breastfeeding, switch to formula, and get her the help prescribed! All the health benefits gained from breastfeeding don't amount to a hill of beans if she kills the baby! Please, your innocent children are depending on you to protect them, as is your wife. GET HELP BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE, and get it from professionals, not all of us here on Yahoo. PLEASE take care of your babies! I'll pray for you all.

Answer 7

Even though you child is 7 months old, she could still be suffering from postpartum depression, fatigue or helplessness. She and the children need constant supervision. Do you have family near that you can confide in that will believe you? If so they need to help you right away. You also need to talk with your wife and request that you 2 of you need to talk with her DR. With privacy rules these days he may not talk to you alone. or without her permission. If she refuses to talk with a Dr., you need to do whatever is humanly possible to protect the children and her. If this means taking them from her for their own safety, then that is what is best.
Too many people think that this type of thing will work it's way out but too many times it ends in tragedy.

Take care of your family

Answer 8

Wow I didn't know where San Mateo was until i mapquested it and wow its beautiful! There might be some things you want to consider about her stress. Is she getting help around the house or is she worried about finances and whens the last time you and her went out to get away from the kids. Just you and her and no one else. At the same time i would see if she has any high anxiety or the bi-polar disease. There are tests you can take for her online to see if she is or not.

http://abilify.com/abilify/channels/bipolar_content.jsp?BV_UseBVCookie=Yes&utm_medium=null&channelName=Bipolar%2fBP_Tools_for_Therapy&utm_content=null&utm_campaign=null&utm_source=null&referrer=null

This site will tell you everthing you want to know about the Bi-polar disease and if it fits her. Also check this one out too. She might be suffering from baby blues and the site below will tell you everything you need to know about baby blues too. I hope i helped you out and pointed you in the right direction. Good Luck!

http://www.apni.org/babyblues.htm#Symptoms%20of%20the%20Blues

Answer 9

Well, there's

http://www.familyserviceagency.org/contact_us/index.htm
http://www.familyserviceagency.org/programs_services/familyCounselingCenter.htm

...of course they might not have what you want, but you could call and ask for advice from some professionals.

She might just be joking, or she might be nuts. Hard to tell from where I'm sitting. She may feel overburdened by something... Something deeper down that she's not telling you or she cannot tell you and it's tearing her up--that she needs, but feels really guilty about or is so scared about what will happen if she says it, it seems better to die. ...or it might be a hundred different things.

Answer 10

If you feel the children are in danger then get help asap If she is letting the children play with medicine that is a for sure sign. The children must by remove from her care. And she needs help NOW!