How to break bad news to my sensitive son?

Question

My son is a very sensitive 8 year old and I have gotten the news that his biological father has prostate cancer and is in the hospital.
Before too much more is said, please understand, he has not seen or spoken to this man in over three years, by the father's choice.

His father is or was before cancer, in prison for the second time in two years.


His father's family told me the news in a mass sent email, to friends, family, strangers, whoever was in the address book.

His father has had a history of having "diseases" that are killing him since i met him in 1993. He is still alive.

I am not on speaking terms with his father, but if the worst were to happen, I would take him to see him, sick or dead. That would be the only way I would travel that far (over 600 miles).

I have no idea how to say this to my son or even how much of it is true, please help.

Mel S,
The other sicknesses were fake. He lied. and my son knows about the prison.

in this case "sensitive" does not mean behavior problems, or overindulged, well maybe a little overindulged, but he is truly a sensitve soul. His aquarius soul will not tolerate emotional trauma. He cries if you chastise him or if he sees a sad scene in a movie.

He did not take it well to know that his biolgical dad was in prison, and he never takes it well on birthdays or Yule (Christmas) because there are never any calls or gifts or cards from his biolgical dad. This is truly a sensitive child not a spoiled brat.

Answer 1

Unfortunately, there isn't really any easy way to do this.
It's amazing how resilient kids can be......he hasn't seen this man in over 3 years.....the kid only knows what you tell him.

I would say don't say anything yet.......wait and see what happens. This could just be another attention ploy and no reason to put your kid through it.

Answer 2

Honestly, I would not tell my 8 year old son anything. And I would especially not take him 600 miles away to see the father, sick or dead. What's the point? It sounds like that father had alot of problems, and he was not involved with his son's life for the past three years. As a Mom, I believe you should spare your son any grief over this. Don't drag him into a messy situation. Whether the biological father lives or dies doesn't really matter right now. When your son is older, you can always discuss this with him and explain how you are protecting him at this time. It will not help your son in any way to have him see his father. Take care of your son.

Answer 3

Here's the thing: It sounds like his father may not want any contact. He may just be that way. However, there are a lot of people that when it is time for them to face their own mortality they get very religious and forgiving.

You need to be prepared in either case.

You should talk about it with your son and explain that if his father wants the privacy to deal with his illness alone that is something that has to be respected. However, sometimes experiences like this can change people's lives (for better or worse). He might want to see your son again to become a better father, or he might just want to be able to say goodbye and get some closure.

In any case, it's better that your son have some time to take the information and process it. Get used to the idea. That way, whatever happens it's not going to be like he was suddenly given a "shock". He'll have been given time to think about the whole process, and what it means to the group of you.

Answer 4

It's difficult when parents call their children "sensitive" It usually means serious behavioral problems stemming from being overindulged.

That said, Son needs to know the facts. Not the editorials from you - just the plain facts.

Since Bio-Dad has a history of hypochondria, get the facts first. Yes, this means contacting him and/or his family for the truth. After all, they broke the silence by emailing you. Do your best to get the facts first.

Once armed with the facts - and let's assume that Bio-Dad genuinely has terminal cancer of some kind - then break it truthfully to Junior that his Bio-Dad is quite ill - and that it is serious enough to warrant traveling to visit him in person. Explain that this trip is out of respect for his now genuinely dying Bio-Dad - Not necessarily to patch up differences between the three of you.

If Jr asks what kind of illness, tell him the truth. It's cancer and they can't operate on it or take medication for it. So he genuinely doesn't have long to be in this world. That's why you're making plans to visit him once more - and again it's out of respect.

Answer 5

Considering the father's past history of "illnesses" I think you need to make sure it's even true. If he truly is sick then just be honest with your son about it. Sensitive kid or not no child really wants to hear about a parent being ill, even if the parent is mostly absent. Just be supportive to your child and let him know that it is ok to feel upset and that whenever he wants to talk you will be there for him.

Answer 6

Given the past history, why not just wait until something definitive comes about? Once you know for sure that the situation is terminal, then you can inform your son. No sense stirring up a situation at this point.

Answer 7

despite you compromise on-it would be carried out desirable away. there isn't any person-friendly thank you to interrupt it to him, he's sufficiently old to understand. tell him the information, whilst issues are calm and you're on my own mutually. i does no longer have every person else around, for concern that he would carry some emotions in. that way if he desires to cry or scream or despite, he can do it, becuase its basically you there. mabey have him connect a drug restoration software, to help different young little ones who've lost kinfolk because of this. they have a brilliant number of classes that help pass out pamphlets, fundraisers, he would desire to even pass to the centers and talk with different young little ones. help him turn it into something helpful, so he does not sense like it is going to ensue to truly everyone he knows. to him, his mom and his foster brother have been bothered by making use of it. sturdy success, and that i wish all is going properly!

Answer 8

You must tell him everything including the prison, other sicknesses, etc..
I know that I don't think like a normal person, but I would take him to see him b4 he died. I am not much for funerals.

Answer 9

I agree completely with Barbara on this one.

Call the hospital, get the facts and then talk with your son.

Answer 10

I wouldn't say anything till i was 100% sure of it being true.