My MIL called and said they were coming for a rare visit. They said they wanted to reconnect with our lives. She blames losing touch on taking care of her sick mother and helping with her husbands business, so she SAYS. But the real reason is she has been obsessed with her daughters toddler daughter. SHe has spent every weekend with them for two years. SO, imagine our surprise when she calls two days before their visit to let us know the daughter (husband's sister) and her baby can come too! My hubby and I are frustrated b/c we know we won't get to visit with them, only watch them hoven over the baby.
Well as annoying as it is to try to talk to them with that kid in the room, today they've told us we have to cut dinner short tonight so the baby can be home by 8 (not so she can sleep but so they can play with her). It's friday night and we're taking them to a nice restaurant. They only visit once a year so it would be nice if they just went along and let us show them our life.
2007-06-08 05:05:21 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
The daughter is married and lives very near them in their small town 7 hours away. I think my MIL is just trying to control the situation. For some reason, she refuses to give us an inch and develop an interest in OUR live. She is just too threatened. I realize I am ALSO controling the situation. I just want so bad for her to take an interest in her son and let us show off a little on our turf, our terms.
My husband would never mention this to her. He knows how poorly she would process conflict of any kind. And as a man, he might not be picking up on this as much as I am. At this point, I think my best bet will be to hop in my own car and tell them to follow me to dinner. That way we ensure we have separate cars. And I know my husbands dad would stay behind with us.
2007-06-08 05:26:29 · update #1
Thanks for all these great answers. Especially enjoyed reading the testomonials from Bailes and Patti.
2007-06-08 07:04:41 · update #2
Has your husband spoken with his mother about this? If so, and to no avail, I say take yourselves to dinner (your husband and yourself) and his mom can have a sandwich!
By the way, is your sister-in-law married/with the father or is she single? It's possible that your mother-in-law is just trying to fill a void (either in her daughter's life or her own). Nonetheless, she should be equitable with her time and, if she only visits once a year, spend more time with you two.
Although, you have to be grateful that she's not constantly interfering in your life. You would hate that a lot more.
I just read your additional comment. Kudos to you for being realistic. It sounds like you have a good plan now, too. As for your husband, don't react too much in front of him so that it doesn't stress him out. He already has to deal with the reality of how his mother is. You're a good wife!
2007-06-08 05:15:09 · answer #1 · answered by CUrias 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I probably should not even answer this question as I don't have the answer.
The same thing happened to me with my parents. I couldn't have children (I know that may not be the case with you) so why should they waste any time on me. It was an oibsession with the grandchildren. I was not jealous, I just thought that adults could sometimes use time away from children - such as going out to dinner, etc. Nothing is more boring than having dinner out and having everyone stare at how cute the baby is rather than have a conversation. It is sad.
My best friend went from Alaska to South Carolina to see her mother (long and expensive trip). Every time she asked her mother to go someplace, her mother answered with "I better stay at home in case the kids need something." These kids were her grandchildren who have two parents and were in school during the day. What could they need? Finally friend told her mother, "well if during the three weeks I am here you have any time for me, just let me know."
I know none of this helps but you and your husband are not alone. I love children and love my nieces and nephews but my mother changed and went absolutely nuts when she had grandchildren. Things will change when (and if) you have children but I am sure that will make you more upset - they didn't have time or interest before but they will make time when a baby comes.
Let your husband talk if he is upset but otherwise don't take it too seriously it will just hurt your husband more.
Good luck to you.
2007-06-08 06:17:48 · answer #2 · answered by Patti C 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As some of the other people have said, your in-laws are never going to change. The bright side is that you only have to deal with them on rare occasions. But I know how you feel in your last sentence. Maybe try politely sitting down with your mother-in-law and (politely) reminding her that she said she wanted to reconnect with your lives. Express that you really enjoy the baby (even if you can't stand it) but that you would really like to spend some time with them without the baby present. I would do as someone else recommended and ask if they would like to take two separate cars if they really want to be home by 8. If you put forth the effort to connect with them and they ignore it, then try not to let it bother you. You were the better and more gracious person.
2007-06-08 05:26:10 · answer #3 · answered by bailes5625 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
best for you! Your inlaws are extremely rude and boorish. it is your place and you and your better half set the policies on your place. It looks like your inlaws have some matters respecting very own barriers. shop prestige as much as them and don't grant and inch whilst it includes working your individual living abode and raising your individual relatives. tell them which you think of of they're rude and which you like they could end being such detrimental nags. Direct conflict of words with people like them is the final ideal way. Do it calmy even with the incontrovertible fact that, in view it is going to be greater valuable that way. do now no longer enable stuff brew till you blow up decrease back. Set them at once each time they step out of bounds and into places you think of of they have not have been given any corporation going. i've got have been given dealt with fairly some controlling people in my existence and that i found out a lot approximately coping with such people.
2016-12-12 15:11:58 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ideally you should be able to explain to them that you only get to see them once a year and it would be nice to enjoy the full amount of that time together. If you're not comfortable with that approach, maybe you could suggest rescheduling the dinner until they're able to enjoy it with you for the full amount of time it would take. Do it nicely, not as if you're trying to punish them. They will hopefully get the message.
2007-06-08 05:12:22 · answer #5 · answered by Stef 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is just as rude (if not more-so) for your sister-in-law to allow her baby to interfere with your time with her parents. But I doubt if saying anything to anyone will result in anything but hard feelings, and who needs it? Thanksgiving dinner with the inlaws is bad enough as it is. My advice is to say nothing, and suck it up. Before too long, the toddler won't be a toddler anymore, and the family dynamics will change.
2007-06-08 05:34:38 · answer #6 · answered by Webber 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As hard as it is to deal with, some grandparents do fuss over thier grandchildren more than pay attention to thier own children. You are kind of like chopped meat right now--the baby is the center of the universe. Kind of strange that they would bring your niece with them to visit you. Anyway, they obviously aren't going to change their ways. Just accept that-they will be gone soon. Keep on smiling. :)
2007-06-08 05:12:34 · answer #7 · answered by sidnee_marie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough love for the in-laws???
I would sincerely tell them that it's too bad that they have to cut it short and maybe it would be better to schedule dinner when it's a more convenient time for them because you would like to spend some quality time with just them.
2007-06-08 05:12:20 · answer #8 · answered by Kim B 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How inconsiderate of them I think your husband should talk to them and let them know how you guys feel and maybe your SIL can stay home with the kid while you guys dine out and spend time together.
2007-06-08 05:11:38 · answer #9 · answered by gambles 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop stressing-they are never going to change. Quite frankly I would tell them to drive separate so they can be home when they need to be and you and your husband can enjoy dinner.
Be polite, be nice, but don't bother bending over backwards for them. They are obviously not worth it.
2007-06-08 05:09:18 · answer #10 · answered by chickey_soup 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋