my mom freaked out when i told her i was sexually herassed by my BROTHER?

Question

i was 9 yrs old or so .. so he would be 13??? now im older and i told my mom . she freaked out and made it seem like its my fault. shes saying over and over he was so young and going through puberty he didnt know better. she cant except that im going through so much pain. She also found out that i told my BFF and got pissed off. im soooo mad and emotionally ran out .. help me please
love your girl malibu

Answer 1

baby dnt worry every thing will be smoothen with time well ithink u r not able to express things to your mom completely tell her at the age of 9 a girl cant even judge out whats happening and why well u should explain her how u remeber it and all and tell her to understand u whereas ur bf thing its really personal matter i m not asking you to lie but u should atleast tell to the person who would have really loved you i dnt think he do where as u need support mentaly and emotionaly dnt worry cheer up im thr for u give it time its always better to share with ur family and freinds rather then traumatizing yourself

Answer 2

I have seen sexual abuse in a family where brothers attacked sisters. I've seen two families go through it. What I've seen is women you no longer trust and have all sorts of social hang-ups, and mothers (not so much fathers) overcome with emotions they can't handle.
First she won't believe you, it couldn't be true, not her own child, not her son.
Then the reality hits and she becomes embarrassed and ashamed that it happened on her watch and she didn't or wouldn't stop it.
Then she wants it swept under the rug, don't tell anyone, you don't want them thinking less of us. Don't ruin your brother's life, it was a long time ago, so get past it.
And then the fighting starts, and the family is divided.
I've seen it happen, everything comes back on your shoulders even though you are the victim. I've watched it tear girls down because they no longer have a family on their side, it's horrible.
So, what can you do? You can only control your behavior and your reactions.
You can pray, a lot. I recommend it no matter what else you do. Pray for comfort & peace, and the ability to let go of the hate. I'm not saying you really have to forgive, but don't let the anger consume you. You are strong, rememeber that.
Now, you can press charges, even now. They may not go very far, but being arrested is a big wake up call. Two of the quys I've met abused their sisters when they were all children, and the faced court concesquences. This is a little important because if they can get away with it once, they may try again later. It's important to provide a reasonable reaction to their actions.
If you are still under 18 and living at home you may also be able to push an arrest for your mom not protecting you, even after she was aware.
A word of caution, if you do press charges, DO NOT go around telling people you are going to do it. They could talk you out of it. Decide on your own. Make on person like you BFF a support you will keep tabs, and go down to the station and file. Catch everyone off guard, let them realize you're serious.
Hopefully you can get family to pay for your counciling. Don't let this change your behaviors negetivly fo your entire life.
I will pray for you too, but you need to remember you're in control.
Good Luck, and God Bless.

Answer 3

First of all, your brother's harassment is NOT your fault. When you are nine years old, there is very little that you can possibly understand about human sexuality, and anything you've heard is confusing, possibly scary, and definitely new to you (hopefully). Your brother was at an age where he should have known better than to do this. And, your brother's behavior was inappropriate and wrong. There were plenty of girls his own age who were not his siblings who would have been a better target for his unwelcome and unsavory behavior.

Now, about your mother ... your mother is in the wrong here too (she should be able to protect you and support you in this), but if she freaked out and blamed you, there is little doubt in my mind that she is no where near where she would need to be to support you.

If you've never sought help about this from a professional, and it is really weighing on you, I would suggest that you talk to a therapist about it - go to your school counselor or if you are now working, your employee assistance program or something. You are ok, YGM, and you are right, and you need to extract yourself from the troubled family dynamic that you're experiencing to protect yourself, gain distance, process the emotions and heal.

Answer 4

I dont know what reaction you expected but I am sure you didnt expect to be blamed. One it is not your fault. Hormones, raging or not, are not an excuse. Two, the mother son dynamic is so difficult to understand, she is protecting him. From what I dont know all you did was tell her. Maybe telling you BFF wasnt a good idea but I can understand that you needed to talk to someone. Your mom may have thought this was a family issue but who knows. The question now becomes how are you handling it. If you are as ok as you can be under the circumstances I would say you dont need to talk to anyone else (professionally) if you are having issues with the original abuse or the reaction, see a therapist

Answer 5

Try talking to one of the folks at RAINN. They can help talk you through this and give you some professional advice.

RAINN is the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network. They have a phone number you can call. They have an online hotline you can do chat with. It's okay to call or chat now about things that happened years ago.

Their phone is 1-800-656-HOPE

They have a link to their online hotline at their main site. It only operates Noon-10 pm Eastern time, Mon-Fri.

It's not unusual for parents to go into denial and try to make the problem go away by pretending it doesn't exist or it was the victim's fault. They can tell you more about this and how to deal with your parents, and give you a chance to talk about what happened.

G'luck!

Answer 6

Your mom's probably reacting this way because she can't believe someone who she raised would do such a thing. She probably feels ashamed, as well, which is probably why she was upset that you told your best friend. However, this is not a a trivial matter that can be brushed away with such excuses. Give your mom a few days to take it all in, then bring the matter up again. You probably would benefit from counseling. I don't know if your brother still lives with you, but I think he should be confronted as well.

Answer 7

She needs to calm the fvck down right now and embrace your feelings. Perhaps she will in a few days, it is the kind of thing no parent wants to hear. You should confide in other people really close to you until she does. It is important to be aware of the fact that you were both kids. It is possible if not even probable that your brother was experiencing some form of sexual abuse himself, perhaps from a neighbour, family friend, or relative. If so, he may be suffering himself and needs to talk to someone.

Its not something that you will find easy to talk about with family, but it will have to be done at some point if closure is to be approached. Telling your mum was a right good idea. maybe she needs to get someone else to help her come to terms before she can be of any help to you.

Consider counselling if you are in emotional distress. You'll be talking to someone who completely understands and has dealt with people in identical situations to yours before.

Be happy!

Answer 8

This is more complicated than at first glance. First, from your mother's point of view, no decent parent watches their children fight and wishes one to survive over the other. It sounds as though she is having problems dealing with this type of conflict of taking sides on an issue with huge repercussions for both children including legal issues. Your issues are obvious and also need dealing with. Your brother may also be have problems dealing, now that he is older and may have a better understanding of what he did. He may be experiencing shame, embarrassment, and denial. I would not say any ones problem to be greater than the other and this matter definitely needs dealing with. All three of you should seek counciling.

Answer 9

It was all wrong. What your brother did, how your mom reacted and how it's making you mad now. As long as your brother understands now that what he did then was wrong, I would excuse the fact that he is a little naive kid then. But the way your mother is going about it is not good. Trying to make your brother the victim. I would actually blame her for what happened, 'cos it was her place to teach your brother that his little sister is for him to protect and not harass. Well, since all these are in the past, just forget it and pretend it never happened. He may have not meant any harm then.

Answer 10

Moms always wants to think the best about their children. I'm sure she wasn't expecting to hear something like that from you. She didn't ;know how to react. I'm not quite sure why she blamed it on you. You should have told her when it happened and she could have confronted her son about it. to confront him at this late date makes one pause and think seriously about what to do next. Did he harrass you continuously? Once? He may not even think of doing that at the age he is now and may even be ashamed of it. Maybe if you approached him and told him how you feel, you may be able to get an "I'm sorry" from him and some closure bout the incident. Your mom wants to keep it in the family so it can be resolved in the family. If your brother still has strange sex habits, something sould be done.