dad can't do what he used to???

Question

My father is 61, has emphysema, and uses Oxygen, but, not all of them time.
He was very active, hunting,fishing,owning 2 business', he can't do much of this anymoe, and he is on disability, but, he's got alot of life left in him, and says he's lived long enough, etc, and if he can't do the things he wanted to what's the use?
How do I convince him to change his negative thinking, and be thankful for what he does have?
A nice home, same wife of 40years, 2 daughters, 3 grandchildren,all he see's is that HE has nothing to look forward to.
We are all very involved with his Drs, him, and helping him feel better, he has so many friends, always has, etc.

He was put on Wellbutrin and Klonopin, and he has a summer house by the beach with all of his oxygen stuff there too, AND has a neubulizer hooked up in both his vehicles(he's an electrician)so, he can do treatments going down the road, and he has a new mobility scooter and ramps for his truck....it's just convincing him to adjust to his diagnosis, and not let it control his every thought, my mo-in-law just died of ALS, and we were with her, Hospice, etc, he still doesn't see how much he still can do.

Answer 1

Has anyone, meaning Dr's etc., addressed the things that he has lost. What I mean is that when you are diagnosed with something like emphysema, cancer, MS, etc., it eventually is a debilitating disease. And it is hard to take. He has probably lost self confidence, self esteem, and a lot of his drive to live. It is called depression (not to be sarcastic), and someone needs to address that. There could be side effects from new medications, there could be a chemical imbalance, there could be just PLAIN OLD depression from the fact that a lot of what he knew and loved about life was taken away with that one word--emphysema. Please talk to his Dr.'s see if there is a medication that he can take (like paxil). THEN have the Dr. prescribe a portable oxygen tank and go get one! Start to take him out, grand children, wife and loving family--show him the good time--like what he is use to having. Rent a cabin instead of roughing it in the wilderness, a cabin has electricity and will allow the portable oxygen tank to be plugged in, and refilled (if that is the kind you get). Do things that he used to do, and show him that his life is what ever he makes it!!!

I commend you on your love and support of your father, and being involved enough to try and help. He is lucky to have you and your family!!! Good Luck!!

Answer 2

This is very hard on you I know but you have to understnd that you can't just make your dad change his mind. 'Great things come too those who wait' and that's exactly what you need to tell your dad. He can be healed if he only believes he can. No matter what the doctor says...GOD heals all!!! Now this is not the fact in all cases but in most he makes many unexpected miracles. My dad is sort of like yours. We were in a really bad car accident a few years ago and now he can't do everything he used to either. It's something wrong with his arms. The doctors have ran many tests on him and he has had surgery about 2,3 times and they still can't figure out what actually wrong. Sometimes I find myself thinking about this whole thing and I feel sorry for him and wishh he could just do some of the stuff I can. I also thinks he feels bad for himself too but he doesn't say things like..'there's no use of living if I can't the things I want'. It really hurts me to see him struggle just to do stuff as simple as carry a plate of food in is hand or even grocery bags. My mom told me one day(after they came back from the doctor) that the doctor said he shouldn't be lifting anything that weighs over 2-3 pounds. So I see how u fell in wanting to chhange you father's mind and make him feel better but you have to remember he's in contral of his own life and he's a grown man so he's gonna do & say whatever he wants. If you just pray about this he'll begin to come around. Only GOD can change his mind and you and everybody else are gonna have to remember that!

Answer 3

It sounds like you're already doing everything you can for him. It sounds like your dad is suffering from depression, and only he can realize this and take actions to help it. The best thing you can do is continue to support him and the family, maybe encourage him to see a therapist to talk about how he's feeling. My husband suffers from severe depression, and I have seen how debilitating it can be, for BOTH of us. He has it mostly under control now, but only because he realized there was a problem and that he needed help.

Answer 4

You can't. You can encourage him, but only he can change this way of thinking. Therapy would help, but ultimately only if he decides he does not want to feel miserable all the time and is willing to put in the effort. You can't make a person do that, though.

Answer 5

Does he have therapist ?
he may need some therapy and mabey some medication for depression.
If he doesnt already have one convince him to see a therapist it may change his whole out look on life.

Answer 6

there is no convicing someone who has that mind set like for real, the only thing that can be do is to Show and Not tell because everyone knows that actions speak louder than words

Answer 7

Remind him of the people who have no family and have no one to care about them. May this be a reminder to him of what he does have. Sorry, but it sounds like he's feeling sorry for himself.