I have just recently separated from my husband of 14 years (we had been together for 21 years) today is his 40th Birthday as well as my son's 6th Birthday.
My mother in law who has been totally against my husband for splitting up the family is meeting his girlfriend for the 1st time today.
I feel very torn as we have been together for so long and this is a big event in his life that for the first time I have nothing to do with.
Should I feel like this or just shut up and get on with it?
2007-06-08 02:37:01 · 25 answers · asked by Pitstop!! 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Wondertwin: I didn't knowingly have anything to do with the breakup, he left me for another woman but obviously we must have had problems for him to feel the need to do that!
2007-06-08 03:13:54 · update #1
of course you should feel like this, you have been a major part of his life for over 20 years, you can't just wipe away that time without a thought, it takes time, time that you need to give yourself, it is a kind of grieving process, you grieve and as time goes by you will start to rebuild your new life, as you do so your memories and your dependancy on the old life will fade. try not to beat yourself up over this, what you are going through is so natural. take care and be safe.
2007-06-08 02:47:54 · answer #1 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Everyone is telling you to "Move on". Well you cant really "Move on" with sharing a 6 year old son and 14 years of marriage can you?
Seperation usually takes two. I dont know your situation, but I would be willing to bet my house that you had a little something to do with the break up. Your mom needs to back off and allow the healing to begin.
There is absolutely no reason (unless he was abusive) for the two of you to be enemies. Sometimes relationships end. That is not to say that you can not still love and care for that person. You did it for 14 years and have a son.
And by all means, I cant impress this too much, remember it is also your sons birthday!!!! Nothing, and especially his Grandmother, should screw this up!!! The poor little guy is surely the one who all should be most concerned about.
Let me clarify, I didnt mean to accuse you of being a bad wife. Not in the least, but sometimes relatives have the perception of the spouse as being 100% wrong. In most cases, not all, things just dont work out between people, its give and take and this can happen even after 20 years.
Move on, yes in the sense that you need to take pride in yourself and aim for the good things in the future, but for everyones sake, cherish and be grateful for the love you have had in your past. Dont allow others to imbitter you towards the love you have had for those in your life.
2007-06-08 03:05:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Walk tall. Take your unused portion and return it to society. You are too young to roll over and die.
Your mother-in-law is caught in the middle. She like you and your son are innocent victims --- collateral damage of your husband's second childhood.
Live a good life and keep busy. Forget the past, it will not be easy, just look ahead. Rig for hard shells, future meetings of your ex and his new sweety will be difficult. Your son will keep you all connected for the next 50 years. Not together, but connected.
Remember, this low life woman broke up your family . Can your ex be safe with her? What a pair they make. He a cheater and her easy. Will she hang in there for 14 years ? I don't think so.
In the mean time, walk tall. Continue to raise your son --- he will need you more than ever now.
Forgive your mother-in-law. Your son needs his grandmother also.
Feel the range of emotions, hate, fear, revenge, hurt, guilt,
etc. But above all, feel faith and hope.
Good luck, good future, good health.
2007-06-08 03:09:13 · answer #3 · answered by radar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will be hard because you two were together for so long and share a child. But you will get over it as well if you stop thinking about it and move on with your life. Still have fun today by celebrating the birthday of your son.
2007-06-08 02:52:05 · answer #4 · answered by Jon 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
All three, I think!
It's natural for you to feel left out and, I assume, this is very upsetting; especially since your mother in law has to support her son on his birthday.
At the same time, what can you actually do about it? So shutting up & getting on with things may be the only option.
I feel for you and hope something better comes of the situation.
2007-06-08 02:42:58 · answer #5 · answered by Who Yah 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personally think that there is no correct way to feel. You are grieving the loss of this long relationship and grief affects us all in many ways. I don't think it'll be healthy for you to ignore your feelings though. If you feel mad you should vent your anger e.g punching up th pillows or jogging etc. If you feel like crying cry. I have experienced a break up from a long term partner with who i have 5 kids with and it is a rollercoaster of emotions and one minute you can feel free and the next alone. Just take each day at a time is the best advice and be kind to yourself.
2007-06-08 02:42:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The same old people being rude, its so lovely on here...
Hey hun, it must be hard after such a long together and the fact that you have a child.. Unfortunalty the situation is not gonna change, you can be there for your mum in law if she wants to rant and vice versa, just concentrate on your boy and make sure he is ok with it all..
Good Luck x
2007-06-08 04:19:26 · answer #7 · answered by CEVP55 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'M SURE THERE WERE PROBLEMS THAT COULDN'T BE FIXED.PROBABLY DUE TO BUSY LIVES OR AN UNWILLINGNESS TO SEE THE ISSUES OR ADMIT TO THEM. I DO HOWEVER THINK IT'S PROBABLY TOO SOON FOR THE MOTHER TO BE MEETING THE NEW GIRLFRIEND. TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH IF HE WANTS HIS MOM TO MEET HER NOW IT HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR SOME TIME, IT'S DEFINATLY NOT A NEW RELATIONSHIP. NEVERTHELESS IF HE HAS ALREADY FOUND A GIRLFRIEND REGARDLESS OF HOW LONG HE'S BEEN WITH HER, AND IS READY FOR HER TO MEET HIS MOM THEN LET THIS TELL YOU TO MOVE ON, GET THE DIVORCE OR DISSALUSIONMENT AND FIND YOUR OWN HAPPINESS AGAIN. I KNOW IT SOUNDS HARD BUT YOU HAVE TO BE HONEST HERE, FACE THE TRUTH AND THE FACTS. BE BETTER TO YOURSELF THAN WHAT HE HAS BEEN TO YOU. IT WILL BE HARD AND PAINFULL BUT IT WILL MAKE YOU STRONGER, BELIEVE THAT AND BE STRONG!!!! GODD LUCK :)
2007-06-10 14:42:13 · answer #8 · answered by sunshine 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's very normal to feel like that, but pick your head up be the best mommy you can be for your son and handle the situation as maturely as possible. In the end you will end looking like a lady with class. I know it might be hurtful but move on and do what you must to stay civilized for your child.
Good Luck.
2007-06-08 02:41:11 · answer #9 · answered by ~ ♥ ~ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You poor thing that must feel horrible. Its not a question of whether you should feel like that or not, because you can't help yourself feeling like that. Yes, I'm sure its perfectly natural to feel like that. But you also probably need to move on, for the sake of your son and for the sake of your sanity. Go out for the evening or something with a group of good friends just to enjoy yourself and to help yourself move on as well - by having good experiences without him. Good luck,
2007-06-08 03:31:09 · answer #10 · answered by totally_idiotic 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋