I just got married this past Sunday. My wife and I invited our old college room mate whom we were very close. We graduated college a few years ago and invited her and her fiance to our wedding. We all live in New York and our wedding was in Newport, RI. They said they were coming and we included them in our final count. Then a week before the wedding she called and said her fiance was overseas and they would not be coming to the wedding. We asked if she could come and she said no because he is not around and she doesn't feel comfortable driving that far alone. The thing is, we all went to college together up there. We are hurt and got screwed financially by them not coming up. Their wedding is next month at Tavern on the Green in Manhattan. Should we go or screw them over?
2007-06-08 02:00:17 · 35 answers · asked by brendanwoodson 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
For those morons who did not understand what "final count" is it means that you give the number of people who will attending and its FINAL. Therefore, you can not cancel the two meals. Also, we did not get "fair warning." And for the people who think that it is too far a drive...SHE LIVED THERE! We all lived there together. Its not unfamiliar to her. Also, we are not being childish. We just feel that if we meant so much to her since we were best friends and all, she would have been there regardless.
2007-06-08 04:05:35 · update #1
I started to read some of the other answers and it just pissed me off more. I completely understand where you are coming from. They probably cost you anywhere from $40 - $100 because of them not giving you enough notice that they were not coming. I don't think the intentionally did it to you but I do believe that there are going to be some hard feelings for you and your wife about this situation.
Personally, I think you should attend their wedding, eat all you possibly can and then go home. Don't give them a card, present or even money for the dollar dance. If they ask you later on why you didn't (which most likely they won't, but some people are like that) then tell them that you figured the cost of the meal that they did NOT eat at your wedding was more then enough of a gift for them for their wedding.
What goes around comes around, so just wait, they may get what the deserve.
2007-06-08 04:31:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 6⤋
Ok yes, she could've grabbed a girlfriend and still made the trip to be there since your mainly her friend and I guess not as much the fiance's. But may be something in HER relationship that prevented her to go without him..she just didn't want to let you in on it. Women don't really blow off a wedding as easily as a guy can I think. So it really may have been unavoidable for her.
Now when you were hanging with her at college was she "clingy "and not really individually adventurous type. If so then it wouldn't be out of character for her to not drive by herself. seems to me like it was all a go until the fiance went out of town (if he really did!)
The question now is was the what extra $100 bucks or so for their meal worth ending the friendship? If she's not someone you really wish to remain friends with after the hurt of her cancellation wears off- then don't go and forget about her.
If you still wish to be friends/ acquaintances/ holiday and special occasion buddies whatever go.... get the free meal (eat & drink enough to make up for what you lost!!) and get back in touch with your friend. If there was anything going on at the time of your wedding- she may clue you in. If she doesn't eat drink and be merry on her bill!! But be the bigger person and go.
2007-06-08 05:43:45 · answer #2 · answered by Kimberly T 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Are u willing to end a friendship over two meals??? Because that is what will happen if they find out that you are making a concious decision to lie to them and tell them u are coming with no intentions of showing up....Something came up, her fiance was over seas and maybe she really didnt feel comfortable coming alone...that is life!!!
I take it he is in the military????? Did u ever stop to think that maybe she is completely scared outta her mind that he wont come back? Maybe she just couldnt handle coming to a wedding right now...or the stress of the drive....why dont u just call her or write and find out how she's doing and when he's getting back, then plan to get together.
I understand that u are hurt they didnt show up, but GROW UP and stop being so selfish!!!!!
2007-06-08 05:10:42 · answer #3 · answered by legends_chick 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Get over it. I had last minute cancellations to, it is a celebration. I had maybe's who were family that I paid for in case they could come, it was an overseas business trip. Was I upset, a little but I never thought of revenge. They are the one's who missed out. I did attend their wedding and gave a nice gift even though I never received a gift or card from them. But in my case I paid $200 in case they could make it, you had no choice but to pay. I hope money wasn't the main reason to be upset.
Go to their wedding, have a good time, that is the best revenge. Do not be petty or spoil their day.
I think she should have came, she wasn't the one overseas. She should have asked for help getting there, I am sure others were making the same trip.
2007-06-08 04:17:27 · answer #4 · answered by no_frills 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like she was expecting her fiance to be back from overseas before your wedding, as she originally responded that they would both be coming. Maybe she is upset because he's not back yet! Weddings are very emotional things and maybe the stress was too much for her (some people are delicate, you know?).
I personally hate driving, it scares me to death, and a long road trip alone is not something I would do unless it were a life/death situation.
Cut her some slack, go enjoy the free drinks and great dinner on them, a night out with your new wife, and say hello to an old friend. Let by-gones be by-gones.
2007-06-08 02:30:49 · answer #5 · answered by aerishkigal 2 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Go to the wedding. I don't think that she intentionally decided not to come. Things come up at the last minute for any wedding. People get sick, Flights get cancelled, Cars break down, etc. NY to RI is a long distance drive especially if you have to drive yourself and aren't use to doing that. Plus she might of felt uncomfortable with coming alone without her fiance. If you felt you were financially messed up by them not attending (paying for a meal that wasn't eaten) than purchase them a less expensive gift than you might of intended. I'm not say go "EL Cheapo" and get them a $20.00 gift (they were your close friends from college) but if you were intending on getting them a gift for say $200 may be get something for $150 or $100 instead.
2007-06-08 02:10:57 · answer #6 · answered by holmeskaykay 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
People back out of attending weddings for a variety of reasons. When you plan a wedding, you have to accept the reasons and not seek revenge.
She at least gave you fair warning that she was not able to attend and a valid reason for not attending. You could have contacted the place where you were having the reception and canceled the two dinners. If you still had to pay for the two dinners, then this is not a financial disaster.
Now if you were looking for a financial gift from the couple based on them attending the wedding. this also is not a financial disaster.
Seeking revenge is not the way to go just because they couldn't attend your wedding. Actually, if you decide not to go, then they will know you are seeking revenge because they couldn't attend yours.
Be adults and if you planned to go, then go and enjoy yourself. Losing college friends over having to pay for 2 dinners is very shallow.
2007-06-08 02:10:25 · answer #7 · answered by Patty G 5 · 8⤊ 2⤋
I want to know what you had to eat that cost so much that you're willing to end a friendship over it and just how much did those two meals actually cost you?
I doubt if you'll answer the above................. However, you and your spouse should ask yourselves what the real issue here is. It's not the cost of the meal and it's not only the fact that she didn't come. Be honest with yourselves and those of us who were kind enough to respond to you. Also, let us know what you decide to do.
2007-06-08 07:07:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
How exactly does two dinners not eaten screw you over financially? Lets say it was $50 a head. That is $100. So your financial stability and happiness is out of whack over $100?
You have other issues going on.
Grow up and get over it. Crap happens. Life isn't fair.
2007-06-08 03:23:29 · answer #9 · answered by Poppet 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You got screwed by 2 people not coming...come on, give me a break!!! How could that screw you over that bad?
If you can not understand that life happens to people...i.e. he was over seas and she did not feel comfortable traveling that far by herself ...which, by the way, a real friend would...then you have a big problem and I don't think you are really friends.
Friends would understand their predicament at the time and go celebrate their marriage with them...since you will be able to go together. You might even try celebrating your wedding with them with a few extra toasts!
But you sound like vengeful people so that probably will not happen.
With friends like you...need I say more?
jeese...
2007-06-08 02:08:14 · answer #10 · answered by CC Babydoll 6 · 8⤊ 2⤋