would you let your 14 year old daughter date a 17 year old boy?

Question

well when she will be 15 he will still be 17. but im not sure if i should let them go out or not? she is vary responsible and i can pretty much trust her and he dont seem like such a bad guy after all. wat should i do?

They seem to be in love a hell lot and i dont realy want to crush her. both of them are responsible but i am a little insecure about it. Like they are bf and gf already pretty much.

hes not the typ of boy that can only think about sex. i think hes still a virgin!

Answer 1

My niece who was 13 at Christmas, started 'going out' with a 17 year old. Granted she's tall and looks older than 13 - but I was horrified that my sister let her. It only lasted a few weeks but the damage might have been done.

I haven't any children and I would hate to be in your shoes. As much as I love my niece I know she is far more devious than her mother thinks and I'm terrified she'll end up pregnant in the next couple of years.

You didn't say how long it is until your daughter will be 15 - but I hope you can resolve the situation keeping on good terms with her and not worrying about her. Good Luck.

Answer 2

You can prevent your children from going on 'dates' but you really can't prevent them from having sex, which is probably what you're more worried about.

There is nothing _inherently_ wrong in a 17 year old and a 14/15 year old dating, it just raises concerns (concerns that should probably be there if they are both 15 as well!). My gut is that you are much better off having them date openly and having the boy come over and interacting with him then force it underground.

Secrecy can actually make a relationship grow, and make the couple involved feel like its 'them against the world'. Plus it would mean that your daughter couldn't talk to you about things going on in the relationship because she'd be afraid of getting in trouble for still being in it.

So I'd suggest you treat it like any other bf/gf relationship. Get to know the other party, keep the lines of communication open.

EDIT TO ADD: Wow. Do you people really think telling 15 year olds they 'can't date' helps? This seems to be an american attitude, yet the US has a teen pregnancy rate that is far higher then canada or europe. From what I've seen, kids have relationships more in europe then the us, but they have sex just as often in the US. I guess that's what happens when there's 'no dating'. Your kids just go out with 'friends' and then split from the group to 'hook up'.

I actually work with a guy whose daughter is 15. He told me one of his neighbours was just telling him his daughter can't date till she's 18. My co-worker thought that was pretty funny, since whenever he sees the daughter in question, she's with her boyfriend.

Answer 3

Of course, let them date. Its the same difference as Romeo and Julliet. Its normal.

However, for the next two years, let her date with a chaprone, with friends, never alone with him except on the phone.

Women's bodies mature and brains mature to the point people around the world used to get married at her age, but now, this is more complexic than the farming economy of the middle ages. Going to the farm and back and cooking are not the only things you need to survive. So, we live in a complex world, so complex that former adults are now children.

Remember what happened with Romeo and Julliet? Their parents didn't let them be together, so they committed suicide. We all get angry at their parents and think their families were oppressive and feud was stupid, but we never put ourselves in their parents shoes. Yes, not letting your daughter date the man she loves is oppressive, and so oppressive that she will sneak behind you, and that's when it gets dangerous. You will have ZERO control over her in all areas.

Instead, let her not resent you, and date infront of you. Tell her, he is a decent guy, you are sure, but with such an age difference, and she is only 14, until she is 17, you don't want her alone with him, just otherwise date all you like. Then give her a lesson on condoms. Its NOT a mixed message. Tell her where they are, and tell her, that you do not want sex before marriage, but if she doesn't, at least you don't want her to get pregnant, and condoms are the less bad option of the two bad option. Say that if you trust her not to have sex before her sophmore year of university (freshmen use and dump girls a lot, take advantage and go wild first year, calm down the next), and if you trust her, and if she does nothing to sabatage your trust you will let her alone with him sometimes at 16. The more she earns your trust, the freer the leash at sixteen. It will be a pattern by then, and you are an understanding mom to her, but keep her safe at the same time! :-)

Answer 4

well, i was 15 and dating a 17 year old and yes, it led to sex if that's what you're worried about. I am 23 now and married to him. He has been my one and only and we now have a 1 year old son. Now that i'm older and i have a child i can see where the problems may be, i think i would let her date him once she turns 15 but keep a very close eye on him and her. He may seem like an ok guy but others are right to say he has only one thing on his mind. Try not to let them spend too much "alone" time together.

Answer 5

If she is responsible and you can trust her then it probably be OK. But sit down and talk to her about the ways she can screw up her life to. My mom did that with me and it worked. Try to have it where they are supervised most of the time, you don't have to be sitting there holding their hands, but your presence in the same house should be enough. As long as you check on them. Set a certain time that she has to be home, and make sure that you know where they are going and what they are going to be doing. The problem is they are going to have plenty of oppurtunities to do things that they are not suppose to do. Thats why that you need to sit down and talk to her about things. Tell her how she can get hurt, and that it would hurt you if she broke that trust you have for her. Tell her that you love her very much, and have her promise you that she will do whats right. And if shes a good kid, then she'll keep that promise. Also make sure that you get to know the guy real well to by having him come over and talking to your daughter about him. That should give you a feel for things to.

Answer 6

I guess as you can see everyone's saying "NO!!!!!!!!". I too say HELL NO, when I was about that age I dated someone around 17. And yes, I know all guys aren't the same but I do know that most of them are. I was also very mature for my age, although we didn't get into sex or anything of that nature he did have an influence on me (negative ones sometimes). Also just because he "seems like" a nice guy doesn't mean he's not putting on an air for you. Because come on, if he's 17 he's likely in 11 or 12th grade so doesn't that make you wonder why he's perusing around sophomores? I think his age might make him more experienced in tricking girls out of their panties.

Answer 7

i replaced into 14 when I met my 17 year previous spouse even regardless of the undeniable fact that i replaced into turning 15 a month later and he had in basic terms grew to become 17. i do no longer think of there is something incorrect as long as you preserve an eye fixed on her. Any older than 17 and that i could definately say no. even regardless of the undeniable fact that if i seem at it in a distinctive way. I actually have a 14 year od sister and that i do no longer think of i could be pleased together with her relationship a 17 year previous. my kinfolk had prevalent my spouse and his kinfolk for some years so i think of that does make a distinction as they knew they have been a respectable kinfolk together with his mothers and dads the two in professional jobs (coaching) this extremely could desire to be down on your own suggestions on the easily boy she is "relationship" determine you interrogate him and locate out what his intentions are including your daughter.x

Answer 8

14 is still pretty young even though she's a sensible girl. Still, I wouldn't let her go out by herself just yet. At least not until you have really gotten to know this young man - and his family.

Try inviting the young couple to accompany you to places like the mall, movies, picnic, ball games, amusement park etc. and encourage them to go out in groups - as in 4H or church youth group things etc. where you (or other adults) can "be there" but give them a little more "space."

And it's OK to admit to daughter that you need time to adjust to the fact that she's growing up. Explain that you're truly happy with her sensibility and maturity - but that this is a new and different phase of her life - that you need time to get used to it. Perhaps by the end of the summer you'll feel a lot more comfortable with her going out with this - or any other boy - by herself. But not just yet.

Admitting that you're not perfect - and need time to adjust to something really different - can go a long way to her understanding you as the parents of a good teenager.

OH - and if she's not willing to compromise on the accompany parents thing - then definitely NO. She's not ready for dating just yet.

Stand your ground, folks.

Answer 9

What happened to not letting girls date till they are 16.
I know she is trust worthy, but that is way toooooo young.
Let her be a child for a while. Too many pressures .
You are the parent make rules . If they know they can't date until they are 16 they will soon stop asking. Let her go out with a group of girls and have fun with a group. Let her learn that having fun is not just one on one. Lots of friends and learning what people are all about. Be a parent and say no.

Answer 10

I would. im 13 and my mom is letting me date a 16 year old. he is so much more responsible and mature than some 13 year old boys i could be dating. Give her a change if your daughter is smart and you believe that this guy respects her, then let her do it.