at what age is appropriate for boys to enter the public bathrooms on their own?

Question

i have a 5 and a 9 yr old boys..every time we go out to a public place i cannot find it in me to et let go in the public bathroom on their own.. took them one to a restaurant and an older men who was outside got outraged with me because they went with me..i CANNOT trust anyone specially in a bathroom on their own ...they are embarrased about going to ladies room but i have to think like a criminal to protect them as much as i can.

Answer 1

I agree with you. It took me a long time to let my son go alone. He is now 11 but I started letting him at 10. I know, I know....and even then I wait right outside the door and if he is not out in three mintues, I go in! Usually some stores will have Family restrooms, where a kid can go in all by himself with no strangers in there, Target has them. Other than that you have every right to be so cautious! If you do not feel comfortable yet, just take them in the ladies room with you. Ignore the strange looks-that's what I did, but eventually your kid will rather hold it than go into the ladies room, thats when you know it is time to let him go....just be very watchful

Answer 2

Just as a sideline to this question. I understand that it's difficult being out with a child alone: so I think that whatever both you and your child are comfortable with should be fine. You are in control. You are with your 9 year old. It's not as if he's wandering in there by himself and hanging around - and it's not as if the women who are there are wandering around in a state of undress. They're either in a cubicle or they're washing their hands - then they leave. When I was passing through Brussels Airport for the first time, the airport chaplain, a Belgian, took me to where the toilets were. The men's toilets were being cleaned and so were closed. The chaplain - said don't worry, just use the women's room. In England we would NEVER do that. Mostly because we would be afraid of being accused of something. But, if you think about it, when you have visitors at home, you don't say they'll have to use special toilets or go home. The only reason for having separate toilets is to give a bit of space. At home we all use the same one. My advice is - keep on doing what you think is right. Other people should get on with their lives and try to over-ride life's taboos.

Answer 3

I think it depends on the situation. If at an uncrowded quiet area, (restaurant, store) I would 8 or 9 would be good. Probably not 5. However it's a huge festival or another crowded, loud situation, I would not let them go. Ask a security guard to go in with them, a friends dad, or store personnel, if you need to. Then stand right outside the door for them. It's not so bad for a mom to take theirs sons, I really feel sorry for dad's though. It's not easy to take a daughter into a men's room with urinals. Many places have family restrooms, not always located near the main ones. These are for people where the husband may need to assist the wife or for parents with opposite sex children. If you do take them into a regular restroom with you, and someone approaches you about it, let them be outraged. It's a small price to pay for your kids safety.

Answer 4

When I am in a women's restroom and a woman brings in her older children (I'd say 8 or older), I'm very uncomfortable about it. These boys are getting to ages where they know something about sex (I've worked in elementary schools and can tell you, they do, you just don't know it). I don't like the idea of a boy who is able to get aroused to be in the ladies room.

But since I'm not a mom and don't yet know the nervousness of a situation like this, I'll offer a solution. What if you gave your older boy a cell phone when he goes in the bathroom. He doesn't actually have to be on a call, just pretending to be: saying, "ok, there are just two guys in here... yeah mom, hold on, I'm putting down the phone now, I'll pick it back up when I'm done... now I'm putting down the phone to wash my hands... " any potential preditor will be detered by the knowledge of an open line.

Or go to Target in the toy section and buy a set of walkie talkies that you can use with him.

The key here is that he is not only too old to be in the ladies room, but he also is at an age where he needs to be masculinizing. He needs to learn what it is like to begin to be a man and using a public restroom is part of this, as are having male friends and male adults around at least sometimes. I'm not saying that being in a ladies room at 9 will make him gay, but I am saying that being in a men's room by himself will helphim adjust as he gets older.

And finally a personal story: a coworker of mine was very protective of her son. Taking him into the ladies room until the age of 11 was just one of the things she did. She also would go into the dressing room with him until he was 14 and wouldn't let him take the bust to school. He is 17 now and so OCD that he's been pulled out of normal schools. His doctors and therapists say that it is because she never let him mature or masculinize. I'm NOT saying that's you - I'm just giving it as an example of an extreme that is kinda scary.

your 5 year old is fine. just make sure he isn't looking under the stalls at other women. :)

Answer 5

The 9 yo is probably fine to go into the bathroom by himself. But I wouldn't send a 5 yo in alone.

The older guy has no right to express outrage out your concern for your children and I'm pretty sure none of the women in the bathroom cared at all. Moms take their kids into the bathroom with them. It's the way it works. Luckily, I have all girls so this won't be an issue for me.

I think as long as you are uncomfortable with them going into a public restroom alone then you should take them in the restroom with you.

Answer 6

First, I think I would be offended if a grown man was in the Ladies' room. Consider if the role was reversed, you had daughters and their dad was taking them to the ladies' room. Protecting your children is important but you also have to allow them to do some things on their own when they reach an appropriate age. While it is easy to spout off people's opinions as to what is appropriate, it can greatly depend on the child. You are the only one who can comfortably determine what is or is not appropriate for your child.

In a woman's restroom, there is not likely going to be as much chance to see anything than in a men's restroom. Women are also much more sympathetic to these issues.

Use some common sense regarding your surroundings. If in a restaurant that is nicer with less traffic, let them both go to the restroom by themselves but stay at the door. Tell them to do what they need to, wash their hands and get out. Ask the older son to make sure the younger son is doing everything needed.

You may feel comfortable taking the younger child with you to the ladies' room and letting the older go alone to the mens'.

If it is a large, crowded place, and you feel it is less safe, both boys should go with you into the Ladies', not you go with them into the mens'. If you think your kids could get overpowered and something bad happen to them in the mens' room, why would you think you would be immune? It would be safer in the Ladies' for all involved.

Answer 7

First, I am so with you on this one. I have 7 and 9 year old boys. Being male it makes it easy to go in with them, but I never let them go by theirselves, even if I don't have to use the restroom, I still go with them. No you are not being over protective. Your answer, OLDER and I'm struggling myself to figure that out. You do have one good thing going the buddy system. If your older son keeps an eye on the younger one maybe find a 'friendly' public restroom and send them in together while you are outside. (I'm not sure if I even answered anything - LOL)

Answer 8

Unfortunetly in our society there are child molestors everywhere. If your boys do not have an older trusted adult male to bring them to the bathroom you are right in bringing them to the ladies' room. That said you need to teach your 9 year old how to protect himself and how to scream and say no if somebody is making him uncomfortable in the men's room. He's getting close to an age where he will be curious about girls and when that happens he's too old to be in the ladies' room. You can still stand outside the door to the men's room so you can hear him scream if something happens.

Answer 9

Well, you're at an advantage here because you have two boys - one boy would be harder. But since you have two boys, they can very well watch over each other.
I would say 7 and up is a good age. I think a 9 year old could go in with the younger brother, let him use the restroom, then he could escort him back to you outside, then the 9 year old could then go ahead inside himself.

Answer 10

The 9 yo is too old to go in the ladies restroom. The 5 yo is still a little young but getting a lttle too old to go in the ladies restroom (maybe next year-1st grade) he can go by himself in a public restroom, but I would consider letting the 9 & 5 yo go together on their own if they promise to not fool around and make a mess. Tell them to get in, do their business, wash their hands, and then leave as soon as they're both done. Be sure to teach them about safety too (because of possible predators/pedofiles hanging around): to yell & scream, or kick & run if there is any kind of problem. If they suspect there was problem, like a guy watching them go, make sure they tell you right away, and not to wait so you can tell restaurant staff or call the police while the bad guy is still there.