Car thieves:
Don't be discouraged when nothing is on view.
All the valuables may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat.
Depressed people:
Instead of attempting suicide as a 'cry for help',simply shout 'Help!' thus saving money on paracetamol, etc.
Motorists:
Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving.
Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.
Jeremy Beadle:
When selling DVDs on your TV advert, hold the disks in your bigger hand so that they do not appear to be the size of laser disks.
Shoes last twice as long if only worn every other day.
Single men:
Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing outside Etam with several bags of shopping, looking at your watch and occasionally glancing inside.
2007-06-07 23:29:39 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Boil an egg to perfection without costly egg timers by popping the egg into boiling water and driving away from your home at exactly 60 mph.
After 3 miles, phone your wife and tell her to take the egg out the pan.
Alcoholics:
don't worry where the next drink is coming from.
Go to the pub, where a large selection is available at retail prices.
McDonalds:
Make your brown carrier bags green in colour so they blend in with the countryside after they've been thrown out of car windows.
Women:
Don't waste energy faking orgasms.
Most men couldn't give a sh!t anyway and you could use the saved energy to hoover the house afterwards.
2007-06-07 23:31:05 · update #1
FANTASTIC!!!!
Love the Jeremy beadle one
2007-06-07 23:34:13 · answer #1 · answered by markhatter 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As to the women....I'm passing it on to the little man who insists on the hoovering - let ya know how it goes!
2007-06-07 23:40:15 · answer #2 · answered by renclrk 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
cool
2007-06-08 01:49:32 · answer #3 · answered by dream theatre 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lmao you make me laff so much!! star for u
2007-06-07 23:34:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
very funny
2007-06-07 23:38:34 · answer #5 · answered by booge 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
very good collection
2007-06-07 23:36:54 · answer #6 · answered by ravish2006 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol.they are getting better and better.
none that i would use,mind u.
xxx
2007-06-07 23:34:37 · answer #7 · answered by Honeybee 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
goody
2007-06-08 00:42:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hahaha ha
2007-06-07 23:40:28 · answer #9 · answered by rehna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats funny ****
2007-06-08 00:24:57 · answer #10 · answered by lisa b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋