My parents HATE him....?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been going out for 4 months now. We've been best friends for a year and he told me before we even went out that he was in love with me. I had always had feelings for him but I never told him because I never imagined that we could be together. I know that I love him and he makes me so happy but my family and friends disagree completely. He's Mexican and I am a white American girl. He only speaks Spanish and I speak both Spanish and English. My parents say he will never become anything which hurts me to hear them say that. They said I should drop him and move on. Everyone is against our relationship and I don't care where he is from or what job he has. I love him for him. I am in University and they said that they can't understand how I could love him. I love my family and friends, but I love him and he's too amazing to just let go. My family told me they will never approve and it's caused a HUGE strain on my relationship with my bf and family.

I feel like I can't find a happy compromise. I have always been close with my family and don't want a guy to ruin this...but I am in love with him, but they try to make me feel guilty for that and they told me I don't care about how they feel, when I do. Any advice?? Thanks for any help and God bless and goodnight. :)

I am helping him learn English, but it does take time.

Answer 1

if it's love between you and him and your parents love you, than they will come around. don't give up what you have over this - stay strong. I dated interacially and my parents were ok with it, but my grandparents were absolutely blunt and rude about it. It's something that THEY have to get over not you!

Answer 2

Well I would say that your family is concerned for the future of your education and are saying things inappropriately about the relationship. You are either in school for the long run or you are going to spend important time with this man--you really cannot have both as I see it. Is he a student also?? Is he here legally?? Is he planning on learning the english language?? Does he hope to survive in a worls that is culturally different?? Are you going to support this guy who may be stuck in menial jobs because he cannot communicate?? There are facts you don't give. I say get to school and back off from dating anyone. You can still see him or others but take it easy. Now this is a power struggle that will consume you----and your future will suffer if you don't get back to the priorities at hand. In a year or two you may be sorry for all this trouble. Your family has a right to feel the way they do...don't ask me why but they do. A lot of people would judge this as a failure waiting to happen. All I can say is good luck

Answer 3

What you must understand is that your parents care a lot about you. Because he can only speak spanish, his choice in jobs may be limited. Your parents are scared that you will end up doing most of the work to support your family if you do get married with him. If i were you, I'd find some time to teach him some english. Your boyfriend can learn english from you and he'll be able to show your family that he is something and he's able to support you as well. Now my advice might not be the best, so i apologize if i end up jeopardizing your relationship w/ your loved ones

Answer 4

Well, I think you should talk with your parents. It's your life. You can fall in love with who ever you want. The only reason they family should bud in, would be if he was a bad person, but just because he's Mexican? That's not fair. Everyone should be treated with the same respect. Talk it out with your parents and make them understand that this is the man you love and no matter what their going to say, your still going to love him. Try to reason with them. It's nice to have your family on your side most of the time. If this doesn't work, your not going to leave the man of your dreams. Tell your parents not to talk about him in that way. This is the man you love and no matter what they say your going to love him. Who knows, maybe they will learn to understand that the heart is more powerful than the mind. ;)

Answer 5

O.k well this is a difficult situation. I guess you don't want to disappoint your family, but your in love with somone who they will never accept, perhaps the reason for that is they feel your getting an eduction and I don't know if your BF is working or at school but lets assume he isn't then maybe they are worried that he is using you and sponging from you, if non of that is true then you have to prove to them he isn't a bum that he is hard working and caring loving man, maybe he could learn to speak english that way it will help him to communicate with your family & prove to them that he is trying really hard to fit in your family. I wouldn't turn my back on my family if I were you (if our thinking about doing that if they never come to accept him) You may need them one day. Look they just care about you and love you and want what is best for you and maybe they have an immage of what mexican men are like, maybe they think they drink all day and take naps and don't work and treat women like crap, but non of that is true I'm sure there is good and bad in every nationality even white people. I don't knwo what more I can say to you to help you, but you love him then you know what you have to do be happy with your BF and hopefully one of these days they can come round to the idea, they probably need to see that he is a good guy who takes great care of you and have much respect for you. Good luck babe.

Answer 6

Whatever you decide isn't going to be easy. Your parents may never "come around," though hopefully they will. I imagine there will be lots of pressure from your friends and family too: for example when there is stress in your relationship (because there will be) your family might hold it over your head, saying, "I told you so..." You will need outside support for your romance from somewhere. Do his family/friends support you?

You obviously love your family and you love your man, and they love you, so you're torn. My advice is to consider what love is and if your relationships are characterized by love as a selfless discipline rather than an selfish emotion.

I find that when I'm dating someone I feel love towards him because he makes me happy, but when I look deeper at what love is really about, I realize that love isn't about what makes me happy, and it isn't the emotion I ascribe to that which meets my needs, my wants, and my desires or the thing that makes me comfortable. Love has nothing to do with my comfort; in fact, selflessness is largely uncomfortable -- but not unrewarding.

If your romance is characterized by this kind of love, it will last, and if your family is characterized by love, they will "come around."

Answer 7

i understand you>< my mom isn't too into my boyfriend either -- he only speaks spanish since he lives in spain and we met online...and i speak spanish since i was an exchange student ... now, my question is what is he doing for himself? my bf. is in college and getting a really good degree... i read some of ur previous questions...and he is 24 and you are 19? =P i'm 17 and my bf is 23...pretty close, no?
anyways, try getting your boyfriend to learn english...like..."mire..hasta este momento, solo voii a ablar contigo en inglez=P"if he is too lazy to learn english for you or anyone else, that's a bad sign...now, on the other hand(en la otra mano lol), this IS your life, and you may live it however you please! do not live anyone elses' life, but your own.
I'm sorry that ur friends and family disagree about ur bf...a lot of my friends disagree too and it hurts so much...='( but u have to try and understand that a lot of people don't even have true perceptions of love these days -- it's all about class, money, job, culture, language, etc...
i think you should encourage ur bf in learning english and help him with his education and prove ur family and friends how good he is -- if he never changes, ur friends and familys' perception of him won't either
good luck!!!!
kuidateeee suerte!!! muxo suertepo!!!=D
shaooooooooooo=D

Answer 8

i have had this problem, I told my mom to bak off because she didnt know what it was like to in my shoes right then and there...yea she gave the speech about she was a teen once to but i mean if you love this guy and its true love then your family will soon learn that you were right and they WILL back off. so just give it time and the most important thing you need to do is just sit down with your mom one on one and tell her how it made you feel when she said that.

Answer 9

stay w/ him if u rely love each other than ignore them and if it puts strain on you and ur family than just try and explain to them how strongly u feel and how ur not going to just stop loving him and hopefully they'll understand, and if ur bf is telling u 2 dump him jus because hes mexican than mayb ur bf isn't really 2 much of a bf

Answer 10

You can't make them change their minds. All you can do is keep mentioning the nice things that he does for you.