the times that I feel hurt by his actions I often feel a sudden need to make him feel as bad as I do, so I have irrational thoughts about ways to hurt his feelings. How do I stop this child like temptation? I am far past the age where this is okay. I want to grow up and have a calm conversation about it.
2007-06-07 17:48:25 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I'm nineteen, thank you for the insult, as if you've never had problems. I never said this happens every day. We are very respectful of each other and always help each other build on themselves, but when we DO have arguements, I OFTEN (notice my word choice) feel like this. It passes as fast as it comes and I would never CONSIDER doing any of the things I think of.
2007-06-07 17:57:28 · update #1
The best part about the whole thing is that you are recognizing this as irrational. I used to have the same problem as you. Somehow it just faded over time and I began talking reasonably in a short amount of time, but this is how I dealt with it. I immediately put space between me and her. I would explain that I was very angry and needed to take a walk. Since you're a female, (unless you live in a VERY safe neighborhood) I would not take a walk late at night if that's when the argument occurs. I would also not go for a drive anywhere, as it's never a good idea to be behind the wheel when you're emotional for obvious reasons. If it happens at night, you might just want to go to a seperate room so you don't have to look at or see him. This gives you time to calm down and think things through how to best talk about it with him in a calm manner, avoiding further fighting. If this only causes you to dwell on the problem and makes you angrier, then it's a good idea to distract yourself by doing something that you enjoy (especially if it's something that brings a smile to your face). If you have a close friend or family member that you can talk to to calm you down that won't become involved or share these moments with other people, it would be another great way to get relief and maybe even some good advice from somebody who knows the two of you pretty well. I hope this helps. Good Luck!
2007-06-07 17:59:51 · answer #1 · answered by Sylverwolf 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh gosh, I feel the same way as you do sometimes. I guess the best way is to give each other a chance to cool down before proceeding further. If you really feel like you want to talk over things, do so but only after you distract yourself with something else: work, chatting with other gfs, browsing the net... anything but focusing on the anger.
When you're calmer, explain to him why you're so mad and that you want him to understand how you feel. Bottom line is: If you two really loved each other and plan to be together long-term, you should try to look at the big picture and control your temper. Ultimately, hurting him would just be hurting yourself & the relationship in the long run.
2007-06-07 17:53:26 · answer #2 · answered by Ms Coquette 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
HA! When you find a good answer to that question be sure and let me know!! What has worked for me MOST of the time (hey I'm not perfect) is walking away, having some time (an hour or more) to relax and not be in the moment and look at my part to play in the fight. Then I'm not feeling that major anger and I feel more rational and can talk a little more calmly.
2007-06-07 17:53:25 · answer #3 · answered by Leslie R 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋
It is a normal emotion....just kiss and make up. No need for any of that other nonsense....sometimes you just need to let it out.
You would have a problem if you two held a grudge for more than a few hours. Couples fight.....its normal and healthy as long as it doesn't get out of hand
2007-06-07 17:54:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The great author and marriage and family therapist, Carl Whitaker, used these foam "baseball bats" that he gave couples to hit themselves with when they were upset with each other. I saw some of his marital sessions when these "bats" were used by some of his couples. It was a very funny sight and seemed to work since the goal was to vent anger in a non-threatening way. I am laughing just thinking about it.
2007-06-07 18:11:47 · answer #5 · answered by Max 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's natural, when you're angry, to want to make someone suffer more than they're making you suffer. It's human nature. We can't escape it by ourselves.
Oftentimes what I do is I pray to God to deliver me from my temptations. Usually I escape the situation and give myself time (be it 10 minutes or the rest of the afternoon) to think about it, and then I drink some Dr Pepper and I'm usually over it. It also helps me to avoid the person for a couple days.
This won't be as easy for you, becuase he is, in fact, your boyfriend. However, the prayer should help, and the Dr Pepper should also help.
2007-06-07 17:53:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
you going to fight some times friends fight but you make up when they come back you know they realy care ..your doing nothing wrong married people do this all the time in twenty years don't think they did not fight ...hang in there your ok fight and make up just life
2007-06-07 17:53:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old are you exactly? This sounds like High School drama. Just get some self control and learn to stop this behavior before it gets out of hand.
2007-06-07 17:51:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
Pre menstrual tension or Paranoia,Seek psychiatric help
2007-06-07 17:56:18 · answer #9 · answered by srivalson v 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Maybe you should get therapy to find out why you have this overwhelming need for revenge and once you do, you can deal with it and be done with it.
2007-06-07 17:52:01 · answer #10 · answered by Emily Dew 7 · 1⤊ 3⤋