Am I expected to ask my fiance's sister to be a bridesmaid?

Question

My future sister-in-law is a great girl and my twin sister is going to be my maid of honor, so I don't want to hurt her feelings by not including her in the wedding. But I also have 5 friends that I want as bridesmaids and that my twin sister is also friends with. My fiance's sister doesn't even know any of my friends and she may just feel out of place... Is it customary to ask your fiancee's sibling to stand in the wedding?? I certainly don't have anything against her, but I find it hard to leave out any of my close friends as bridesmaids. Thanks!

Answer 1

give her a snot rag

Answer 2

To be honest, I got insanely bored reading all the responses that pretty much say the same thing, but here's my two cents:

First, consider how close you are to your future SIL, how close she & your fiance are, and whether you are footing the bill for bridesmaids' dresses and things. If you aren't that close, and are paying half the cost of everyone else's dresses, forget it, it's an unecessary expense. If you really get along with her and see yourselves building a close relationship in the future, then you should consider it. If your main concern is that she won't fit in or that you're not best friends, just ask her.

I would probably make her feel welcome, but not obligated. I'd suggest to approach her and tell her that you are considering asking her to be a bridesmaid as you really like her, but you're worried about the possibility of her feeling like the third wheel with you and all of your friends. Tell her that you understand if she's not interested in being a bridesmaid and dealing with the awkwardness, and that if she'd prefer to be a part of the wedding in another way, or not at all, you'll be happy just to have her there.

Answer 3

I think it is important to find out how your fiance feels. Keep in mind, hypothetically or not, how you would want your own brother to be included.

Your relationship with your future sister-in-law is an important consideration as well. In the grand scheme of things, one more bridesmaid probably wouldn't make that much of a difference.

Ultimately, the decision is yours and your fiance's; however, keep in mind that newly forming relationships with future in-laws is an important factor. You should consider not only your future sister-in-law, but her parents as well. I certainly wouldn't want to offend them or cause avoidable conflict.

If you decide not to ask her, maybe you could talk with her and your fiance about what role, if any, she could play in your upcoming wedding. Try to include her in a special way, honoring her place in the union of your families.

Personally, I did ask my future sister-in-law to stand up at my wedding, and my husband asked a close male cousin of mine. They were paired together, and everyone got along splendidly. We ended up with a large bridal party (eight couples plus us!), and everyone had a blast! And the best part is that now when our families and friends get together, every one knows each other and has the shared experience of our wedding festivities.

Good luck to you!!!

Answer 4

It's not unusual to ask your fiance's sibling to be in the wedding, and it's certainly a nice gesture. OTOH, you do seem to have a lot of people you'd like to have as bridesmaids. One more may be no big deal, or you may already be thinking the wedding party is too big.

If your concern is for her feelings, then do your best to make her feel included. If you honestly don't want her to be a bridesmaid, you're under no obligation to ask her, but it would be nice if you did ask her to perform some other honorary function in the wedding. Not only will it look gracious, but it may help her to become closer to you and your circle.

Answer 5

Honestly it depends on the situation-- how many siblings does your fiance have, and how close are they? My brother and I are very close, and though I didn't know his fiancee extremely well, I was very grateful when she asked me to be a bridesmaid. He is the only brother I have, and it meant so much to be to be part of his special day, and to get to know my future sister-in-law and her family. I would recommend that you ask her because it will probably mean a lot, and your friends should understand. This is your future sister, after all!

Answer 6

My sister in law (now) got married about 2 years ago and I had been with her brother for five years prior to that...been married for two by then and she didn't ask me. I totally have a different feeling for our relationship now. She had 6 bridesmaids and when one she only knew 6 months dropped out last minute they asked me and I refused. Her husbands sisters were in the wedding as well as the brides sister and and three friends (the one that filled my spot when I declined was a sister of one of the other girls) I think that when it comes to family and especially with girls you have to be really careful and remember you have to see her at all the holiday functions and look at all the pictures with her,,,you might feel bad someday that she was not a part of this with you. Just add another girl!

Answer 7

You don't need to feel obligated to have her in your wedding party. My fiance has three sisters and none of them are in the wedding - and my brother is going to be a groomsman! But you should find something else significant for her to do (and no, handling the guest book is NOT significant). Have her do a reading or something like that. Ask her to the bachlorette party and include her as much as possible - but she doesn't need to be in the actual party.
However, you should also keep in mind that she's probably going to be around longer than your friends. Ask your fiance if it's important to him too!

Answer 8

Depending on her relationship with her brother (if they are close) it may cause an early family rift if you don't ask her-I served as a bridesmaid in both of my brother's wedding and as I helped plan the wedding I had a chance to get to know my future sister-in-laws and their families/lives as the wedding progressed. To be hones I would have been hurt not to be part of my brother's wedding (trust me-serving as the book attendant or reading a poem is just not the same thing)

if she is younger she can always serve as a "junior bridesmaid" or you can find another title for her as a member of the wedding party

While the wedding is "your day" bear in mind that her exclusion could lead to hurt feelings and resentment for years to come

Answer 9

If you already have 5 one more is not gonna hurt anything. It is your wedding and you can pick anyone you want but it is not necessary to have his sister as a bridesmaid that honor is for the bride's side of things as in your relatives and your friends. It is a very nice gesture and many brides do indeed include their grooms sisters but that is totally up to you.

Answer 10

Count her in! If she doesn't want to be in the wedding party then let her opt out! If you don't include her it's an automatic snub! Bad way to plan for a future with her as an in-law (forty of fifty years of regrets isn't worth the extra price of including her!). Hopefully she'll be a big asset and you'll be glad you asked her!! It also prevents hard feelings from future Mom and Dad!

Answer 11

I believe your bridesmaids are supposed to be your friends. If you don't want to hurt her feelings, then have 6 bridesmaids. Do you even know if she wants to be in the wedding? It would be rather out of place for her to assume you would automatically put her in it just because you're marrying her brother, but some people are that way and are oblivious to the fact that it's kinda rude.