Bang goes the gun,
another bullet towards your shatered heart.
If another one hits your heart will be a million pieces,
ill have to glue it up to make your heart full again.
No one hits you again,
but your brain is weak your going down again.
I pick you up and take you home,
but you dont cry,
even though your in crying pain, that makes you ashamed!
2007-06-07 16:49:21 · 17 answers · asked by Katja ie tattybow 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
IM 14 this is my worst poem i know!
2007-06-07 16:59:39 · update #1
wow.
2007-06-07 16:52:33 · answer #1 · answered by Queenie knows it all. 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Very basic, you need to practise alot more. Even though I get a sense of what you are trying to put across, your poem does not really make much sense. You would usually 'glue it together' not glue it up.'The idea of glueing a heart together isnt really viable. Learn about punctuation, for instance, after 'if another one hits your heart, there should be a comma. Find ways of being more descriptive, look at analogies more. I admire your passion for poetry. Dont give up, your enthusiasm is great, keep practising, you will get there.
2007-06-08 00:05:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
wishes and dreams
not sure what
they mean
your poem really bites
go fly a kite
how many bullets to the heart can someone take? and glue will not repair it. Don't cry? but in crying pain? make sense
2007-06-08 00:04:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It doesn't flow, rhyme and there are too many syllables in some lines. Try something like..
You hear a shot exploding,
You feel a stinging pain,
You feel your heart imploding,
It's happening again.
The kids have all got guns now,
It's getting worse each day,
You only said.."OK punk,
Go on and make my day."
Not great but it has rhythm if nothing else.
2007-06-08 04:59:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are 14 and going down again?? That cant be right!
2007-06-08 00:41:00 · answer #5 · answered by bkk 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No..You need to go for help! Find some happiness in your heart!
2007-06-07 23:52:49 · answer #6 · answered by josiejo 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I don't. I'm not looking for points, I just think the repetition is lame, and the consonance and assonance makes absolutely no sense at all. I'm sorry. Don't quit the day job.
2007-06-07 23:52:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
Wow. Yes.
2007-06-07 23:52:39 · answer #8 · answered by Zeera 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
nice try,keep going cos they will get better the more u write.
xxx
2007-06-08 06:23:06 · answer #9 · answered by Honeybee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you have a second career in mind?
2007-06-08 00:18:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You spelled Shattered as Shatered...
2007-06-07 23:51:46 · answer #11 · answered by DPowers 3 · 1⤊ 4⤋