How do I tell my mother in-law to be that we want to have a destination wedding?

Question

We originally planned on a park wedding with all of our family (100+ people). We can't afford to have a big wedding and honeymoon and the honeymoon is really important. Plus the idea of having a big wedding is stressing me out as I really never envisioned a big fancy wedding. My groom and I agree that it would be wonderful to get married on the beach and then relax for a week before going back to our hectic lives. I don't want to hurt her feelings but it is our day and our choice. How do I present this without offending her?

Answer 1

You don't need to be the primary person presenting it to her but you and your fiance can think over what you would like to say and do it together or he can do it alone. I do agree that your marriage is important to the two of you but it's also important to your family members who love and care about you. Maybe scale back the wedding to immediate family and then enjoy your honeymoon.

Answer 2

I agree with you. I would rather spend the money on a fantastic honeymoon rather than on a big wedding. We have actually changed our minds as to the size of the wedding and are only going to have between 35 to 50 people because we cant afford an elaborate wedding. Is it within your budge to have a reception when you get back from your honeymoon? If so then that may appease her some. If it is not, then you and your fiance just need to explain that it really is YOUR day and this is what the two of you want. Too much nowadays I see family members interfering in wedding plans as if the wedding is about them. It isnt about anyone but you and your fiance. Congrats.

Answer 3

I had that same problem, I live in Florida and my very large family lives in Indiana. We chose to get married here on the beach and when the invites went out we weren't surprised that only 4 of my brothers and sisters and Mom came down. I still feel saddened that more didn't make it, but at least I know the ones that did had a great time.

My suggestion is to have a pitch-in picnic in a park were everyone can share their recipes and their words of wisdom, kind of like an old-fashioned send-off. Set up the wedding on the beach with your honeymoon to follow. There are many beach wedding businesses that can take care of all the arrangements for you. You just show up! That way those that can make it can come down for the weekend and the rest will still feel like they were a part of the fun.

Answer 4

What is unusual at having a beach wedding with a nearby park for the reception? That is what my grandson and his wife wanted. The families of the bride and Groom provided the food and because we didn't live there, we bought food from the supermarket deli, meat and cheese platters, veggie platters, bought the ingredients for a couple of dips, had crackers and chips, potato and macaroni salads. We got a nice Grooms cake in a devils food large sheet cake. The Brides family, who did live nearby, brought deviled eggs, a relish tray, a large fruit salad and made the punch. We used white paper plates and napkins as well as the white plastic eating utencils. The brides family brought the wedding cake, but it was small. Friends of the couple who were there early for the rehersal and pictures decorated the covered area that was used for the reception with crepe paper and balloons which had to be cleaned up before we left. It was pretty tho. A friend took the pictures and video, The officent was an old friend of the family. We had a CD player set up and played CD's for the dancing. The bridal couple left first , the rest of us cleaned up the park area we had used and then we left also.

And her son tells his mom where the wedding will be and asks if she will need any assistence in getting there.

Answer 5

What THEY want is of no consequence to you two. If you both want to do that and the honeymoon is important (which, I totally understand because me and my hubby STILL haven't had one after 4 years of marriage! lol), do what YOU want to do, honey!

Just tell her that is what you want to do and if they can join you, you would really enjoy that, if not, then they could all come to a nice party when you guys get back!

Maybe have a reception for the whole family when the two of you get home. Since finances will be tight, have it be a potluck kind of thing where everyone brings their fave dish. All you would have to buy would be plates and cups and maybe some drinks... cheap and easy and they would still all get to have a get together for the two of you.

Just tell her. Putting it off is going to cause you even more stress and you don't want to deal with that. It's a great idea and something that you both won't forget, I say just break the news, do what you want, and deal with it later. lol If she is a good parent, she will understand... they might even save up and go with you guys for the wedding part and then go away so you two can enjoy your honeymoon!

Congratulations on the upcoming wedding! Good luck with it all! :)

Answer 6

Are you inviting your families to the wedding too? That is an important part. If you include them then they should respect what the two of you want. They had their weddings and it is your turn. Tell her that she can plan a casual cocktail reception a few weeks after you get back from the honeymoon and she can invite all the family that she wants. I love the idea. Be happy, it is your day!

Answer 7

If you want a destination wedding, DO IT!! I didn't and I have been kicking myself for the past 5 years! My MIL threw a fit because we wanted a very small wedding at the beach with just immediate family and close friends. We were going to pay for hotel expenses, but she said she couldn't believe we weren't inviting her family. So, I gave in and had my dream wedding ruined. DON'T DO THAT! Honestly, people will still give you gifts. You can still have a shower if you want. If not, that's fine too. Come home and have a casual reception. As for talking with your future MIL, you both need to do that, but your financee needs to take the lead in telling his mommy. Also, he needs to make sure to say that YOU BOTH want this...not this is what she's always dreamed of or whatever. Good luck...this is your time...enjoy it and make yourself happy!!!

Answer 8

You don't your fiance does. It's his mother! Is she paying for the wedding? If NO then you can have the wedding where ever you two wish. Remember no matter where , who or how many people are at you wedding you will stil be married. Turning your wedding into a honeymoon is great and if it's what you both want go for it.

Answer 9

You have her son tell her. However, you need to budget $$ for paying for their travel expenses if they will not be able to do so. If both sets of parents cannot afford to be at the wedding, then you need to help pay those expenses.

Also, you don't have to have a destination wedding to keep it small. I'm the oldest of 6 kids, my husband's the 4th of 5 kids, so I know all about large families. If you want to limit your wedding to immediate family only, then do so. Aunt Sue and Uncle Roger and Cousin Joey will get over it.

Answer 10

My fiance and I made the same decision to have a destination wedding. We decided on Vegas, and I was unsure how to tell the future in-laws. One evening at dinner with them I just told them that this is what we want, why we wanted it, and it is what would make us the happiest. Thankfully they understood. So we are having a small destination wedding that is inexpensive and a great vacation with our closest family and friends.
You and your groom get to decide what makes ya'll happy. Just as you explained it to us. Explain it to her.
After all. It is your wedding!!!

good luck :)