Why are all these people so materialistic about their weddings?

Question

I think the "wedding industry" has hijacked marriage and distorted weddings into this unbelievably materialistic affair, with spoiled "bridezillas" expecting to be treated as princesses.As Miss Manners states, you give the wedding you can afford (whatever that is) with the best grace you can muster, as a celebration that is entirely at your own expense - where did this idea come from that others should pay for it?!? And you are grateful for your friends' attendance - you would never dream of expecting them to put their finances at risk to spend too much to buy you a gift! $300 is ridiculous for the average guest - where did the idea come from that the bride is "entitled" and the guest is rude if they don't measure up to some monetary benchmark? At my wedding, close friends played music as a gift, and gave a small (unexpected) gift besides; others spent from $25 to $100 ($50 average), and I was delighted with everything.I cared more about my guests' good time.

Answer 1

Whatever works at your wedding is what you should have. I could get by with no registries at all because I don't really need anything that I wouldn't already have and I wouldn't have to write all those thank you notes. However, I know my friends and family and even if I didn't register for a single solitary thing I'd get stuff I didn't want because they want to bring gifts. I have seen people flat out demand gift registries lol so you can't always blame the couple for what they receive. And if you have a family as large as some people do your wedding budget has it's own little lifeline. If it's not suited to you to have a 20K, 50K or 150K wedding then by all means don't. I wouldn't do it either personally but it's not my weding or my money and you might be confusing materialism with a large welcoming family celebration. All couples are not the same.

Answer 2

I want to point out that materialism in weddings is nothing new, that isn't to say it is a good thing or to excuse those who exacerbate unfortunate aspects of this legacy. Marriage was, and is in some cultures, a legal state closely tied to the transfer and acquisition of property and alliance. Even as the idea of marriage for love gained prominence it was still understood that property played an important role in the union of two people. Though some cultures required a bride price go to the bride's family and others focused on providing the bride with resources to take with her to her new home there has never been a time when marriage was not at least somehow associated with transfer of things of value. In some ways there has been "progress," in that now we focus on providing gifts to a couple. In the best light this is a way for the friends and family of the couple to help them get a start in their life together and become successful members of society, whether that requires blankets to survive the winter, china to host fancy dinners or iPads is a matter of how society defines success. The other way that materialism creeps into weddings is in the party the couple/ families are expected to throw. This is also an old tradition in which weddings are an opportunity to showcase the degree of success of the parents, groom, or whoever is responsible. In the worst light it is conspicuous consumption designed to make others envious and perpetuate expensive, pointless, capitalist feedback loops. In a better light it is a way for those who are feeling their good fortune to share it with the community; the more generous they can be the more they cement those communal bonds. I don't think it is weddings that are materialistic. Our culture and even a bit of our nature is materialist. it brings out the best and the worst of us and I don't think it will ever go away but, if we can keep the bigger ideals in mind we might be happier.

Answer 3

You have the right idea for your wedding....as a bridal consultant, I do think some people get out of hand, but, its a free country. The guests of the people you mentioned do not 'have" to spend that money if they don't want to, and, the couple have every right to dream big and ad $300 gifts to their regisrty..if someone wants to spend $300 on the, then so be it.

Don't be so quick to knock others that don't fall within your value system. I have seen a couple $300 and $400 gifts added as a joke, yet, both items were purchased for them! were they wrong to ask, or was the people wrong who bought them? I think neither....

I agree with what you said a wedding should be like, but I prefer to say that is how a wedding "could" be like.... I am more like you, however, if someone wants to bless me and my intended with a $300 gift, I'm not gonna say no..... My theory is, I would't put on my regisrty what I wouldnt buy someone else..... and believe me, I have bought wedding gifts for complete strangers just because I knew they were getting married..thats just who I am......

So, everyone should all care about the fun time and the memories, and Im sure they do, but, there is nothing wrong with having big eyes while registering for gifts because the guests don't have to buy anything if they dont want.....

Answer 4

BRAVO!!!! While my husband and I are fortunate enough to be in a better position financially than many people we know, I am appalled when I go to a wedding registry these days, and can't find a single gift under $100. Now, I don't consider myself cheap by any means, but I just don't think spending over $100 on a gift for the child of a casual accquaintance is worth it. I don't care if they spent $100 on my dinner, it's still not worth it, and the dinner's certainly not worth $100 either--but that's neither here nor there.

I loved what Mandy said, there's this whole industry that has been built up around weddings. SOMEONE'S making money off this folks, or they wouldn't be doing it. Call it a crazy guess, but I'll bet the same SOMEONES who are making the money off these weddings are the ones who are writing the articles, and filming the reality wedding shows telling all the other brides what to do, and not to do. So these poor brides put all their time and energy (and money) into 1 day--and completely forget along the way the whole point of the day in the first place. I love it when I read someone on here asking what they need to get married. My answer is always this: a bride, a groom, 2 witnesses, a marriage licence and a person who is legally authorized by the state you live in to perform a marriage. Everthing else is extra, and it's what someone WANTS for their wedding--it has nothing to do with getting married.

Answer 5

I think the idea that someone HAS to give a gift, is because of the idea behind the wedding in the first place. Usually it's two young people who are joining their lives and moving in together. Often the gifts are things that they will use in starting their new life together. Sometimes it's money, to help with the cost of a new house, or pay for the wedding...

The expectation of gifts, comes from a history of gift-giving. I have always tried to be thoughtful and give gifts that were modest, but useful. Of course everyone has their own ideas of what that means. Closer friends and family got "better" or more personal gifts, than those not as close.

Don't believe everything you see on TV. Not everyone is a bridezilla.

Answer 6

I totally agree with you. I am usually shocked when I go to buy a gift from a registry and everything is over $100. Most of the weddings I attend are of people in the same financial class as I am and I would never even consider asking for something expensive because I know most of them cant afford it. I invite people to my wedding and reception because I want to celebrate my day with them, not because I want any gifts and the only reason I even registered is because I know my family and friends well enough to know they would feel bad if they didnt get me a gift no matter whether I said none were necessary or not. So everything I registered for was no more than $25. I also dont understand these destination weddings where the couple ask their attendants to pay for an airline ticket. It is going to cost them enough to buy a dress and rent a tux. I definitely think maturity has a lot to do with it.

Answer 7

I was just going to ask this same question.....I am getting married in July and while I do have registries, I don't halfway expect everything, or even half of what is on it. I dont expect anyone to go broke trying to get the most expensive thing they can just because I'm getting married. It makes me sick to see greedy, materialistic brides (and grooms) who only care about gifts, money and how pretty everyone in the party is. I am having a nice, small, modest wedding and can't wait to marry my groom and be with our family and friends. You are right...the wedding industry is a joke these days....much less about the joining of two people in love, and much more about gifts, money and acting like fools.

Answer 8

I agree with some of the people that brides do get out of control these days but a couple things to keep in mind.

We registered for things that we wanted that were $300 because we want them and if 10 people chip in for it then great- if not the store will mail us a coupon for it later. So we registered for some larger items we need in hopes of getting them but will prob buy them ourselves with the coupons!!


2. You should have a wedding you can afford but if you can afford a nice wedding people shouldn't make comments about it. I can't tell you how many people have made nasty jealous comments about my wedding because it's going to be formal. I won't make nasty comments about a modest wedding so why do people get to do it to me? I don't expect fancy gifts if that's what they are worried about! And I do agree that gifts are not required and any gift even a card should be recieved with class and kindness. I would never comment badly about a gift..... That's just in poor taste.

Answer 9

I completely agree with you. I would never spend more than I could afford on a wedding! I certainly don't EXPECT people to bring me a gift, let alone one that cost $300. I wouldn't actually think the average wedding guest would have that kind of money to spare on a gift.

Answer 10

I completely agree with you. Have you tried looking for information on a small wedding before? It's impossible. Everything in the wedding industry is aimed toward 400 people weddings that go for $50,000. How many normal people have that kind of money? It's horrible that so many people expect their parents and family to empty their wallets just so the bride can splurge. A wedding should be about celebrating love, not showing off.