What's the proper etiquette for requesting no wedding gifts?

Question

My fiance and I are planning to be married in December. It's his third marriage, my second; he's 40, I'm 39. We both feel it's in poor taste to register somewhere for gifts. We don't really need anything. Is it proper to state on the invitations "your presence is your gift" or something to that effect? We are only having a private ceremony with a celebratory reception the following day for well-wishers to attend if they like.

Answer 1

It's not only proper, it's quite refreshing!

By the way, Miss Manners constantly (and correctly) says that one should not dictate what guests should bring for a gift, or request that they should bring money instead of gifts. After 10 years of reading her column, I have yet to see her say that it is rude to say that gifts are not necessary -- perhaps it's in a book I didn't read? Can someone provide a citation? For what it's worth, the updated Emily Post says that it is proper to say "No gifts please." And, if anyone cares, Miss Manners does state that it is completely an etiquette invention that the gift should pay for the dinner.

Answer 2

Choosing to elope doesn't automatically mean that you forfeit the right to gifts if people want to give them to you. There's no etiquette rule that states you get gifts only if you throw a wedding and invite a lot of people to attend. I tend not to like gift registries in any circumstances, but they are traditional. If a bride throws a "delayed wedding reception," which is clearly what this is, many people will probably feel that they should get the couple a gift, and a registry will make things a bit easier. What she CAN'T do is demand gifts or be angry if some people decide not to give them to her. As for eloping in general, I think it's a mistake to view it as some sort of faux pas. Saving money on a wedding is actually an intelligent decision, and some people may have valid reasons for feeling that a wedding involving all the relatives might turn out to be more trouble than it's worth. I will never judge someone who decides to elope. It's too personal an issue.

Answer 3

Etiquette wise, ANY mention of gifts at all in the invitation (or written down anywhere else) is heavily frowned upon. That information needs to spread via word-of-mouth only, and not by you. Check out the website www.etiquettehell.com for some great wedding etiquette guidelines (go into the forums). Expect some people to give you gifts anyways.

Edited to add: obviously, other people are not agreeing with me about this. I want to stress that this is not my opinion, and you can look it up in any etiquette guide. You can certainly do what you want (many, many people do), but if you want to know what the correct etiquette is, I'm right.

Answer 4

"your presence is your gift" is fine but then you could also include a card in the invite with an option to donate to your favorite charity. pick a cause you and your hubby to be feel worthy and ask family and friends to donate your gifts there - if they arent financially stable enough to give, its more relaxed and they won't since you two arent expecting anything at all. weddingchannel.com has some instructions on how to register for this idea!!

Answer 5

Traditionally, it's considered tacky to mention gifts in the invitation. However, in this case, instead of a business sized card stating where you're registered, I would print some cards up (you can buy blanks at Staples and use your own printer) that say something like "Gifts are not necessary. The honor of your company is present enough." (Tailor it to your needs.)

Answer 6

I just recently received an invitation to an 80th birthday party and it stated that in lieu of gifts the person wanted meaningful pictures or a story that could be put into a scrapbook. That might be something to think about. That way you will be getting something that is meaningful to both you and your guest.

Answer 7

That is your wish, and desire, cool.

However, I as a guest would want to bring you something, because I take into account the plate will be $30 to $40, the reception, drinks, and entertainment. I would give you a gift anyway whether it be cash or a gift card.

Could you just mention that gift cards at Home Depot or Costco would be cool. You could use them in the future, you know.

Answer 8

It's never appropriate to mention gifts, even if you're requesting that they not be given. You can get the information out via word of mouth, but it's not appropriate that it come from you. Most people will still bring a gift anyway because they're afraid that they'll be the only one to take you at your word.

Answer 9

that's the whole reason we went to the JP - both on 2nd marriage and we avoided it all cause we only had 4 people there.
there is a site i had run across when i was looking for invitation cards originally - it talked about wedding ettiquette like you are asking... you'd have to do a search cause i don't have the site.
personally, i feel your idea is fine. or put something like in lieu of a gift, please just bring your best recipe to add to our collection. recipes always come in handy anyhow. good luck

Answer 10

well, dont register for gifts...but you really shouldn't tell people not to buy you anything. if your family and friends want to buy you something in celebration of the happiness you've found, let them! i am sure that the people who know you best (hopefully, the sort you invite to a wedding) will know that you don't need a new toaster or a kitchenaid mixer.