Help My Matron of Honor is Pregnant?

Question

OK so I now this sounds bad but my Matron of Honor is pregnant and due close to the wedding. When I first asked all my girls to be in the wedding that if any where planning on getting pregnant before the wedding please let me know because there can be health concerns with being pregnant and standing up there to long. (I got that information from a dr and a friend who was in a wedding while pregnant and got shin splints from standing up so long with a flat shoe) She has not purchased her dress yet and I am thinking it will be more expensive then she thought. They do not have alot of money. I need some advice to talk to her. Oh and hear is the worst part she is my fiance sister but we are not real close and I was going to ask her to be a book attendent instead so she would not be on her feet so long.

I might have forgotten to add that she had been trying since before I got engaged to have a baby, also my Maid of Honor is my sister and I was trying to include his sister since mine lives out of state. I only found out that they had been trying being engaged for 4 months but she was not yet pregnant. I asked all of my wedding party when I got engaged 7 months ago if there was any baby making let me know.

Also I have a son so I have been pregnant and I remember what it was like to have to be on my feet. Though I worked at a desk I remember at 8 months I would not have felt like doing it.

Answer 1

Well I was going to say that if you care about her and want her to be in your wedding, it shouldn't matter if she is pregnant. But since your focus is her health and not the way she looks, I would advise that you just talk to her. Ask her if she still wants to do it and if not, let her know you'd still like her in the ceremony in other ways.

Answer 2

I stood up in an August wedding and the maid of honor was due 3 weeks after the wedding. She was probably around 120 pounds before pregnancy and she was at least 175 by the wedding. So, she was ALL belly. When we ordered the dresses, the bride took into consideration her condition and wanted to make sure that the dresses would flatter her first, because they would be alright for everyone else. We kind of had like an open A line dress in the front, and they ordered I think 3 or 4 yards of extra material. I don't remember how much they used of that, but you have to order that when you order the dresses so the dialets match. All in all, her dress probably cost an extra $125 - $150 then the rest of ours because of the extra material and alterations, but she looked fabulous for eight and half months pregnant. Oh, and they also had a chair at the front of the church (off to the side) so if she got tired she could sit. But she made it. And instead of going bar hopping after pictures and before dinner she went home and took a nap. Everything worked out fine.

Answer 3

I had a similar situation when my maid of honor got pregnant, she was 8months along at the wedding. We were able to get her dress altered so that was not a problem. For the wedding, we did get her some flats to wear, and also put a chair, which we added a cover and accents to so it didn't look out of place or create an eyesore during the ceremony, near the bridal party during the wedding so that if she did start to feel uncomfortable during the ceremony she was able to sit down. Now, my situation was a tiny bit different in that my maid of honor was my sister, she would have been hurt and I would have been disappointed if she was unable to participate. For you, I would at least discuss it with your fiance, and see what he has to say, as this is an occasion that is supposed to help in bringing not only the bride and groom closer together, but also the families, and to start off by unintentionally hurting someone feelings would be terrible. If you decide to go ahead and and include her in the bridal party, there are things that you can do to accommodate her and not disrupting the ceremony by planning ahead. Good luck with everything!

Answer 4

Congratulations on soon being a bride, wife, and aunt! You should just leave your wedding party as is. I stood up in a wedding while I was pregnant (near delivery for a friend who is a nurse) and had no problems. Pregnant woman can stand for long periods at a time - there are many women that have standing jobs their entire pregnancy (up to delivery) and do not develop shin splints (not a symptom of pregnancy) maybe just experience normal symptoms of pregnancy - sore feet and some swelling. If your matron of honor is having any problems her doctor will let her know in advance what precautions to take. Would you be willing to work with this - maybe have chairs for the wedding party for her comfort and so everyone at the service can have a better view of you and your groom? The thing is when people of childbearing age are getting married and asking friends and relatives of childbearing age to be in the wedding party there is a higher chance of pregnancies. Enjoy this moment - you can always share your story with your niece or nephew about how they stood up in your wedding.

Answer 5

it's good that you are concerned for her health, as well as her finances. i would focus on the health part, though, especially since you aren't super close to her. (your fiance may have some good ideas, too, since it's her brother.) but start by asking her how she is feeling physically (depending on how soon the wedding is) and tell her about your concerns. maybe suggest she talk to her doctor to get additional input?

depending on how formal you are, and the setting where you are getting married, you may be able to tastefully offer a place for her to sit if she needs to during the service. (we had communion at our wedding, and had chairs for the entire wedding party off to the side; maybe you could offer that so she didn't feel singled out? one friend of mine planned an hour long service, and there were seats for the entire wedding party.)

you can also consider letting her know that if she thinks it may be too much to do to just let you know and you could find another way for her to participate. but i would keep the focus on her and her health, and i would not bring up the book attendant part unless she says she wants an out. the last thing any of us wants, pregnant or not, is for other people to make presumptions and decisions for us, so conversation is best. i imagine she will appreciate you for it, and it may actually help bring you two closer.

as for the dress cost, could her parents help out? just a thought. or, since she's the matron of honor, is there another, less expensive option if that really seems like a problem? since she's the matron of honor, wedding etiquette does give flexibility in that department.

in any case, the wedding is one day and you are really planning the beginning of your marriage, which will include her as a new part of your family. so try to relax and have fun and not stress over one day. hope all of this helps! best wishes to you!!

Answer 6

She's a big girl, and the ceremony is, what, half an hour long? She can decide for herself whether it will be uncomfortable for her. Lots of women work as cashiers, teachers, etc. when they are pregnant and are standing much longer than that every day. A lawyer friend of mine was conducting a trial -- standing for days on end -- well into her 8th month. (She and baby are just fine, by the way.) I think it's ok to ask her if she's worried about standing that long (mentioning that friend of yours), to give her a chance to back out if SHE's worried and just doesn't want to let you down. However, if she's fine with it, you should NOT yank her out of the wedding. If you are just concerned for her health, that's very nice of you. However, I really, really, really hope you aren't just worried she won't look pretty enough for you bridal party -- that would be very Bridezilla. Weddings should be about love and family and friends, not princessy dresses and a big show -- too many brides forget that. And I wouldn't bring up the "you're worried the dress is too expensive thing". Again, she's a big girl and can decide for herself.

Answer 7

Are you asking her to relinquish her position as Matron of Honor because you are concerned about her health, or perhaps are you concerned that she will not blend into the line of attendants at your wedding and you would prefer someone with a "slimmer" profile? I think since you have already asked her to fill this position that you should not yank it away and say well, you can sit at the book! You could say that you are concerned about her ability to stand at the wedding (of course, she could be seated in a front pew after the procession down the aisle). Ask her if she has any concerns about processing down the aisle and standing there as your attendant. Is she having a normal pregnancy, any problems, or any reason to believe she would have a problem with this?
I am concerned that she will have the same reaction to your change of heart as I did. That she will simply think that her pregnant profile will spoil the look of your wedding and she will be hurt (she would never get over being angry or hurt over this slight). Since she is your fiancee's sister she will be your family all during the marraige. This change of plans might also turn other people in his family against you for your attitude. Please realize that a pregnant bridesmaid or Matron of Honor is simply a display of the blessings on marraige. Pregnancy has everything to do with marraige and should be celebrated joyfully. If you are afraid of "how it will look" in the wedding photos, etc, please reconsider. Hurting her feelings might be something that you pay for all during your marraige. If there is a real reason for wanting her to be seated because of your concern, let her be the judge of what she wants to do. She might welcome the chance to sit down and not be in the spotlight, but then again, she may be thrilled you asked her to be Matron of Honor and would just think you were awful for reneging on the invitation. Think before you act.
Kathy

Answer 8

I am married to a Dr and I can tell you they usually do not want you to stand on your feet for like 9 hours at time.Plenty of women work til the day they deliver these days.I do not honestly feel 30 minutes will give her shin splints.Its your wedding so you can decide.But is it proper to ask someone then change what they are going to do?NO!Maybe she didnt plan on being pregnant either.I would give her the option and explain it might be bit more money and let her make the decision.So no ones feelings are hurt because since she is family she will be around for long time ...
She may be relieved you offered.Take the book instead of matron.

Answer 9

I was once in your Matron's shoes.
Ask her if she still feels comfortable in the Matron role and mention the medical concerns.

If she would like to walk down the aisle and may not be able to stand during the ceremony, have her walk down the aisle and then have a seat waiting for her in the front row to sit down if she needs it (this is the same thing you might do for a grandparent who also wanted to be in the wedding.)

As for dresses, depending on your colors she could try David's bridal or Isabella Oliver maternity (both have dresses for until $200), she should have more flexability in style than the other members of the party so that she can find something that fits.

Answer 10

I think that since you have asked her to be in your wedding, you don't want to ask her to step down. You may consider having one of your other bridesmaids act as a Co-Maid of Honor so that they can share the duties and then neither your future sister-in-law or other friend will be overwhelmed. This also ensures that if your Matron of Honor ends up going into labor early, has complications, or just finds that this is too much for her, she may feel better knowing that someone else will already be ready to help you through your day.

As for the dress, many good bridal shops are very experienced with dealing in expecting brides, bridesmaids, and maids or matrons of honor. They will be able to educate you both on the best time to buy a dress, what size, and how to fit it. Another option is to allow your Matron of Honor to shop for a similarily colored dress in a maternity style. Some bridal shops even offer that! Some brides go for different styles for their bridal party in a consistant color, that may be one way to help her feel more comfortable. Not to mention a way to keep the price down, since mainstream dresses are often less expensive then dresses specifically designed for a bridal party.

As for the medical risk of being in the wedding it depends on your service. Are you having a long traditional Catholic wedding, or perhaps a standard "Do you _____ take _____ to be your wife?" wedding. An option would be for your bridal party to have the opportunity to sit (groomsmen as well?) during the longer portions of the ceremony. In my wedding, which was Catholic, during the gospel, and longer traditional parts, my wedding party sat while the priest talked just to my groom and I. I am sure that if she is going to be that pregnant, your guests would understand.

I think the most important aspect is that if you really want her as your Matron of Honor, or in your wedding at all, that you find ways to work with her to make it work. If you just focus on how to get her to step down, there is a pretty good chance someone will end up getting stepped ON.

I personally would consider it a GREAT honor to have been asked by my brothers future wife to be in her party, and would probably NOT want to step down. I would however, appreciate the consideration on ways to make it easier for everyone to feel better about it.

Good Luck, and Congratulations (to you and your future sister-in-law!)

Answer 11

Talk to her-tell her congratulations and then tell her what you wrote out here. Let her know that you worry about her health for standing so long, worry about her simply being uncomfortable being that pregnant, and that you think the cost of a maternity dress and alterations might be more than she was planning for. She might be upset, might worry, which is why I think that suggesting to her that she be a book attendant is a great idea. She can save money and still be a part of a wedding. If she insists on being a bridesmaid be fine with it-don't rock the boat with your finance.