How do you tell your children no,they?

Question

They are 31 and 32 years old respectfuly,we pay there rent buy gas for there car and both finsh collage and one is working and the other is not looking

Answer 1

Sounds like you should have asked this question 30 years ago! I don't understand what your question is! It sounds like you are complaining about what you created! Deal with it! Your a mother, there are ways for you to get your point across. Stop paying the rent!!!!! They are big boys and you not letting them fail for once in their life is only cowarding them!!! Let them fly the coop mom! It will be ok, and besides you all ready raised them are you saying you didn't teach them to be men? Let me guess, you have forced them to go to college on your dime right? Maybe they are trying to send you a message!! Is it just that you and pops' are short on money?? Tell them or they will never respect you!!! Tell they the harsh reality that life sucks! Stop sugar coating it for them!! Remember how hard it was for you and your spouse in the begining? That tought you the foundation of marriage? You are taking that from your boys.

Answer 2

You have got to be kidding me. You are asking for advice at 31 and 32 years old. I have never heard of anything like this. I bet you make thier lunches and do thier laundry too ( I am not trying to be disrepectful, just realistic) I know an exact situation like this but with only one child almost 30 years old. You really need to get the whips out girl, you are being taken advantage of and that is just wrong. Tell them that you did not raise them to take advantage of people and to shape up or ship out. Let them get a place together and duke it out on thier own. Hell, pay first and last months rent for them just to get them out and change the locks girl. GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 3

You should have taught them that word when they were infants. At this point, they are certainly going to take it the wrong way--but it's the price you have to pay for not doing your parental duty sooner. Just tell them that you aren't going to support them anymore, both are mature and should be self-supporting by now--in fact, they ought to be thinking about helping their dear old parents out, saving for that possibility. If you (you and your spouse) are wealthy and the kids expect to be supported by you, set up trust funds that they are entitled to at some point or upon your deaths but not before (talk to your estate planning lawyer). When you cut them off, you may risk having your kids "divorce" you--but that only proves that you've been buying their "love" all this time. You really aren't doing them any favors by providing for them; some day they will have to do for themselves so they need to figure that out now while they still have you around to turn to for advice. Even my teenage nieces and nephews, as soon as they got cars, have had to earn their own gas/maintenance car money & spending money (parents include them in the homeowners' insurance though, until they are too old to be covered). My parents provided for us through college (but we all worked summers and I worked part-time to help out on the college fees) but anything after that was on us completely. It's part of growing up and taking responsibility for your own self and your own expenses. If mom and dad are well-off, they might be able to help out in a crisis or maybe "co-sign" (not sure that is the correct term for what I'm describing) a first loan with the stipulation in writing that you aren't responsible for paying for the loan if junior defaults. Be brave; it's for everyone's good that you tell your grown kids to grow up.

Answer 4

Tell them both - because you love them & believe in them- as of next month they are responsible for themselves; and therefore you will no longer be helping them out financially. Then, next month you need to stop all financial help. You can be there to encourage them- but as of now you are actually preventing them from being independent by creating this co-dependence. Maybe they will have to get a job or two- have roommates, sell their cars & use public transportation, take out a loan (by themselves-DO NOT COSIGN ANYTHING)- whatever- let them figure it out. Whatever happens - at least you will no longer be enabling them to be irresponsible.

Answer 5

How can you not say no? As a parent it is your job to teach your children to be independent. You go to work and pay your bills, so should they. You are not doing them any favors by continuing to allow them to act as children. It is time for a family meeting and tough love!

Answer 6

I think that it's time that you let go of them. they are grown and educated you did your part when they were younger and if you continue then they will never grow up because they are always going to say mommy or daddy will take care of it.

stop paying their rent let it be late and when they come asking tell them NO and mean it. I bet you them that they will start looking for employment.

Answer 7

its simple ... say no ... period. why should they change as long as someone is footing the bills. there is no incentive to go look for a job. of course, they will whine and complain at first, just dont give in. that will be the hardest part, getting over the guilt of saying no. it will be the best thing for both of you.

Answer 8

Well, you have managed to raise 2 very self centered individuals. Let me ask you, was it easier to give in to everything that they wanted than to teach them no.

It is past time to kick them out of the nest.

Answer 9

Time for you to learn to accept the fact: they are grown adult. Your duty is done. You've no obligation to continue feed them like once use to be.

The older the get, the harder for them to readjust those habits and dependency personality and will be your fault. Hard for you to do it but you got to do what your got to do for their own good.

Answer 10

Cut them off. You are not doing society any favors by giving adults financial support.