Anyone know any good Engineering Jokes?

Question

I'm an engineer (as in I design stuff, not drive a train) and I was just looking to see if there are any jokes I haven't heard yet.

Any clean jokes about engineers, or You might be an engineer if... statements would be good.

Answer 1

What kind of engineer are you? I work for a civil engineering firm in Dallas. If you are looking for a job or something, get in touch with me...

Here's what our receptionist put in the newsletter last week:

Top 25 Engineer's Terms and Expressions (What they say versus what they mean)

A number of different approaches are being tried.
(We are still guessing at this point.)

Close project coordination.
(We sat down and had coffee together.)

An extensive report is being prepared on a fresh approach.
(We just hired three punk kids out of school.)

Major technological breakthrough!
(It works OK; but looks very hi-tech!)

Customer satisfaction is believed assured.
(We are so far behind schedule, that the customer will take anything.)

Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive.
(The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.)

Test results were extremely gratifying!
(Unbelievable, it actually worked!)

The entire concept will have to be abandoned.
(The only guy who understood the thing quit.)

It is in process.
(It is so wrapped in red tape that the situation is completely hopeless.)

We will look into it.
(Forget it! We have enough problems already.)

Please note and initial.
(Let's spread the responsibility for this.)

Give us the benefit of your thinking.
(We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we have already done or with what we are going to do.)

Give us your interpretation.
(We can't wait to hear your bull.)

See me or let's discuss.
(Come to my office, I've screwed up again.)

All new.
(Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.)

Rugged.
(Don't plan to lift it without major equipment.)

Robust!
(Rugged, but more so)

Light weight.
(Slightly lighter than rugged)

Years of development.
(One finally worked)

Energy saving.
(Achieved when the power switch is off.)

No maintenance.
(Impossible to fix)

Low maintenance.
(Nearly impossible to fix)

Fax me the data.
(I'm too lazy to write it down.)

We are following the standard!
(That's the way we have always done it!)

I didn't get your e-mail.
(I haven't checked my e-mail for days.)

Answer 2

You might be an engineer if........

You take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room.

... In college you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.

... At an air show you know how fast the skydivers are falling.

... You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.

... You have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances.

... You see a good design and still have to change it.

... You spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.

... You still own a slide rule and know how to use it.


What's the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons.
Civil engineers build targets.


An engineering student is walking along when a fellow student arrives on a new bicycle. Impressed, he asks, "Where did you got this beautiful bicycle?"

"Well," the second engineering student says, "A couple of days ago I was just walking along when this georgeous blonde pulls up, hops off the bike, rips off all her clothes, and says 'take what you want'."

The other engineering student nods and says "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."


Top Ten Things Engineering School didn't Teach You


There are at least 10 types of capacitors.

Theory tells you how a circuit works, not why it does not work.

Not everything works according to the specs in the databook.

Anything practical you learn will be obsolete before you use it, except the complex math, which you will never use.

Engineering is like having an 8 a.m. class and a late afternoon lab every day for the rest of your life.

Overtime pay? What overtime pay?

Managers, not engineers, rule the world.

Always try to fix the hardware with software.

If you like junk food, caffeine and all-nighters, go into software.

Dilbert is not a comic strip, it's a documentary.

Answer 3

The one that comes to mind is an old one.

A lawyer, psychiatrist, and an engineer are convicted of a crime. Their punishment is death by guillotine. The lawyer is put on there first. The rope is pulled but the blade does not fall. The lawyer tells them that the law in that country says that if the blade does not fall then the prisoner must be set free. The executioners set the lawyer free. The psychiatrist is next. The rope is pulled but the blade does not fall. The psychiatrist says that making a person go thru that twice is cruel and unusual punishment, therefore he should be set free. The executioners set him free. Finally, the engineer is brought up. He looks at the blade and notices a loose bolt that was preventing the blade from falling. He points to it and says "Well, theres your problem!"

Answer 4

Sorry i don't know any jokes. but i do find it funny that you pointed out that you don't drive trains. My buddy is also an engineer and designed a spacer plate based off of one toyota already makes. when he told the parts guy his plan for the plate the kid said it wouldn't work. my friend explained to him that he was an engineer and he thought it would work just fine. the kid then said "look!! i don't think it will work. I'm the parts guy and you just drive trains."

Answer 5

Here's my favorite:

An engineer is playing golf with a doctor and a priest. They notice a group of people ahead of them playing realllllly slow. A grounds-keeper happens by and they ask him, "Hey, what's up with the group of people ahead of us?"

The grounds-keeper replies, "That's a group of blind children that the course owner lets play here once a year with a charitable organization"

The priest, moved with sympathy says, "Oh, that's just so
sad. I'm going to talk to my congregation this week to offer special prayers for these poor, unfortunate children."

The doctor, also moved with sympathy says, "Oh, that's just terrible. I'm going to talk to some of my colleagues and see if we might not be able to perform some procedures to help them regain their eyesight."

The engineer simply says, "Why can't they play at night?"

Answer 6

Engineers may not run the world, but they make it run!
... Yeah it's more clever then funny but w/e

Answer 7

cool jokes.com, jokes.com, funny jokes.com

Answer 8

sorry no