divorced dads do you pay "extra" for things that should be covered under "child support"?

Question

What i mean is if you pay the max the court ordered(child support,daycare,and medical expensives) plus have joint custody 50% do u pay for extra things like sports fees,toys/clothes for your ex's house ect?My husbands ex will have thier son call and ask his dad to pay for these things and he allways does.Now money is very tight for us and his ex is not hard up.Now i'm not an evil stepmom(i love my stepson) and my hus is not a dead beat dad i just feel these things should come from the child support money my hus is allready paying her.i feel his ex is taking advantage of my husbands love for his son as this happens often.Should i just let this go?I have tryed to talk to him about it but he just get defensive.

Answer 1

whether you are an evil stepmom or not, you can not get involved in this. especially if your husband gets defensive. i am sure that he feels guilty about not being there all the time (not 50% of the time, all the time) and this helps him to relieve some of that. also, he must do what he has to in order to keep the peace. if she asks for something you can not afford, then your husband should just say we cannon afford that. if he is asking for money for clothes and money to join sports, then he should. i mean its his kid! and obviously it is between your husband and that family. he wouldn't be gettting defensive if he agreed with you. just let it go.

do you want to be right? or do you want there to be peace?

you have to make the choice.

Answer 2

I suppose it depends on how much the court-ordered support is, and how much his wife makes. Things like sports fees are extra, but toys and clothes are NOT. My boyfriend has to pay $550 a month of child support, and $300 a month for "special expenses", which is what child care costs are considered in Ontario. So, his ex-wife gets $850 a month for one 2 1/2 year old, and she makes over $70,000. If, according to Canadian law, the parents financially support the child equally, then a 2 year old costs $1700 a month. I don't buy that at all, but that's the law. I don't mind that he has to pay, but I am glad his ex has the good sense not to ask for money for clothes and toys when she's already getting a ton of support. I do wish, however, that there was some sort of accounting for how support money is spent. I doubt that every custodial parent spends it how they are supposed to...

Answer 3

I know it's weird but I can answer from both sides. I am a step mom and my husband pays cs. I also receive cs from ex. I believe if you receive cs you should pay for extras. In other words my husband pays cs if my step daughter decides to play soccer this summer it should be moms responsibility to pay for it(he also has 50% of custody). Just as for my child if she wants to have an activitey during the year it is up to me to pay for it. My advice would be keep all reciepts to show the court that your husband does more than just pay cs. Show the courts that ur husband is very active in sons life. Maybe cs will be lowered. Concerning your husband getting defensive.. well more than likley he feels guilty that he is not with his son 100% of the time and that his son goes back and forth partent to parent. He may also be worried about the mother using money to distance the son from the father and your husband knows it and doesn't know what to do about it. Sit down with husband and show him the bills. Make him do the bills each month and let him see what you have going out and coming in. Show him that the extra money going out is ok just not in large amounts. Just don't corner him and tell him that all extra money going to son has to stop then you will have battle on hand. Ok I'm done with the book now lol

Answer 4

That's a ruff situation. I am the "x" by the way. My sons dad does help me out with things like his private school tuition and asthma meds additional to support. He has gotten nasty about it a few time because of his girl and I was hurt. I felt that she was not taking into consideration how much it cost to raise a kid. Also my son has learning issues such as sensual integration problems and he needs special teaching tools such as the Barton reading program that costs 200 bucks a lesson and there are ten. What he pays for child support does come close to half of what I shell out. And I think we should both be paying for stuff so please don't think me a leech. Maybe when she asks for clothes, if you feel the money isn't going to the child which is not cool, you could buy some from a consignment shop and give them to her. And do that with other things she asks for as well. My "x" requested that am being as though I was pure in my spending I had no problem doing that. Just some thoughts... Good luck

Answer 5

I can absolutely sympathize with what you are going through. my fiancee's ex is the same way, except she does not work. She puts his son in the middle, tells him inappropriate things, and we are expected to pay for EVERYTHING. She wants more child support, and we have him over 50% of the time. We are looking into getting a mediator. Nothing can be decided amicably, so we have to bring someone in from the outside. There has to be a line. You don't want the child to suffer because of the problems the parents have, but sometimes it is unavoidable and it may get more difficult before it gets better. Sorry if this is no help. Hang in there, and know that there are other people going through the same situation. We are miserable too!! Focus on the good things in your life. Find the bright spots and it will make it a little more bearable until it all passes.

Answer 6

It depends on the father. If he wants to pay these extra things then let him. I wish my son's father was like that. Or at least wanted to see him. I think extras should be covered by child support and if it doesn't cover it all then either take the child out of a few activities or spilt the cost with the mother. It's her child too. When I get my son's support I always buy him clothes or something he may need for school. I also pay bills with it. But I always make sure he gets something from these checks because it's for him and not me.

Answer 7

Okay...I work in Child Support...here's my say in this:

Usually extra stuff that your husband pays for (for example, sports equipment like you metioned) is not included with the child support. His current child support amount is based on his income, medical that he pays, and daycare expenses.

He can refuse to not pay for extra things for his son...but take a look at the actual order, and see what is actually ordered. Few people actually look and see what ordered, besides the actual child support amount they have to pay!!!

Also, current child support is based on his income and her income combined together...you get a current child support amount, and then his share of the combined income is what he has to pay. (Or her share is what she has to pay if the situtation is reversed).

Your husband can ask for a modification, but sometimes that is good or bad. The child support can modify upwards or downwards-you have no idea until all the financial information is sent to the caseworker.

It seems to me that your husband is a great guy, and wants to pay for extra expenses his ex asks for. If he gets defensive, it's probably because he wants to help his son. I'm not saying that to be mean, I hope you understand. I seldom see something like that happen in my office!!!

Good luck!!!

Answer 8

Unfortunately it is not really up to you. Not to be mean, but just from you saying he gets defensive, if you keep at him about it it could actually strain your relationship with him. And what if ex finds out, do you think she would now have a problem saying, well since your step mom doesnt wanna pay you cant do such and such. It is a touchy subject, but it is his to deal with with his ex. You have told him what you want to happen, but until he is willing and able to put his foot down, it can only back fire on you. He may think that you dont care about his son but only about the money. I know it sounds harsh but I dont want you ruining your relationship with either him or his son. You should be grateful he is willing to do what it takes to raise his son and hes not just worried about the money. He loves his son.Good luck.

Answer 9

If your husband has 50% custody, there should be no money exchanging hands other than 50% of school and medical fees, plus any acivities the parents AGREE UPON TOGETHER.

Your husband's ex is turning him into the bad guy, saying "You can be in ______ only if Daddy will pay for it." Then if dad says no, he looks like the bad guy. Yur husband should put a stop to it, sit down with his ex and decide what activities they can afford together.

Answer 10

I feel that child support is for basics like food, housing, clothing, daycare etc. Things like special school field trips or sporting goods etc. should be a shared cost between both parents. The issue with the toys that are housed at the mothers house.. well thats just silly.

Now if he has custody 50% of the time.. he shouldnt be paying child support in my opinion.. but I guess it depends on the court.

My daughters father pays child support but only half of what the court was going to order him to pay. We both felt it was way to high. He doesnt pay medical either. I never ask him for a dime more than what he pays.