How do I ensure that my second cousin does not bring her infant to my wedding?

Question

I have a second cousin who had a baby last year who she insists on taking everywhere. The wedding invitation was clearly addressed to my cousin ONLY on the inner and outer envelopes. She has since mentioned that she will be bringing the baby to the wedding. There are no other children invited, although I did not put "Adult Only" reception on the invites because it is considered poor taste. Any advice on how I can casually and politely tell her that her baby is not welcome at my wedding?

Most all wedding etiquette books state that announcing "Adult Only Reception" is in poor taste and not recommended.

Answer 1

I would give her a call and say
Sally, I thought I heard you mention is passing the other day that you were going to bring Jr to the wedding and reception. I'm so sorry that the invitation wasnt clear, but unfortunately the event is adults only. I do hope that getting a baby sitter wont be a problem for you, but I completly understand if you would need to change your rsvp from a yes to a no because of this.

If she proceeds to argue (which is such bad manners, so she shouldnt) you should say that you have had to turn away other children as well and it wouldnt look right if you made a special exception for her baby. And that no one esle seemed to have a problem with this, they are all looking at it as a nice excuse to have a good dinner and dancing date without the kids.

But to be honest, with some people they will "yes" you to death and do what they want anyway, so be prepared for that baby to be there.

Answer 2

As a bride to be myself, I truly understand your quandary. That being said, you truly have one here. First, you did not address invitations as "Adults only" (and yes, I can understand your point about looking tacking, but this is the best tactful way of addressing this issue to begin with). Second, it sounds like you are already aware she is planning on bringing her child, and failed to previously address the issue.

I read all the answers on here to this point, and I think you have some tough decisions to make. As much as you say others are not planning on bringing their children, it's already been pointed out that some may, as again, we go back to number one above. I can completely understand you wanting this to be adult only and not wanting to deal with the distractions of children at your wedding. (By the way, do you have a flower girl and ring bearer???) Weddings are about families, gathering and traditions, but they are also about ones that you INTEND to start as a new couple, and those are different for every bride and groom.

That ALL aside, this is your wedding day, and it should be how YOU, the bride and your GROOM wish it to be. If you want no children there, then you do have some options- none of which are easy. If you change your mind, you also have options. Hiring a sitter is one. Perhaps where you wedding is to be has a small room where the children can be, hire a sitter or two? Someone else already mentioned that others may bring children as well, and I am thinking that you may need to face that. (I HEAR your point about the addressing of the envelopes, but people and couples with small children may take for granted that the invitation INCLUDES their children with that key line “Adults Only, Please” missing!)

You need to make some decision together, and I do think that no matter what those decisions are, they will not be easy for you or for those that they affect.

You, as an expectant mother, may look back on this one day and ask yourself “what was I thinking?” You may look back and say, “wow, I miss the fact that the children in our lives were not included.” You may look back and thank yourself for sticking to your guns about your day. Children change our world, our views, our everything- that much is true. But, handling children at wedding, especially unwanted ones creates a very large issue, as you already see.

The best advice that I can give you is to THINK CAREFULLY before you SAY ANYTHING! Perhaps discuss some of the answers posted here with a trusted friend or relative who knows you and your fiancé, the situation and all involved before you make a phone call- but, rest assured, it is a call you will HAVE to make, no matter the decision.

I wish you luck- this will not be easy!

Answer 3

If the wedding is at your church, you might get a nursery worker to keep the kids. This works so well for adult functions where kids interfere. If out of town folks will be present, it would be a very nice gesture, so they could have their children travel with them. Think about how much more gracious this would be than telling her that her baby cannot come to the wedding.

Answer 4

Are you hosting the wedding or are your parents (who are the RSVP's going to)? If it is your folks, let them make the call and break the news; it will sound better coming from them and your cousin won't be able to hold anything against you. If it is you, did she already tell you directly the baby will be coming? If you just heard it from someone else, give her a call and say "I'm sorry, I just heard you may have misinterpreted my invitation...". If she mentioned it to you already and you kept quite, you may be stuck with a baby at the wedding. You may want to consider hiring a sitter anyways in case others show up with kids.

Answer 5

Have a babysitter on call on your wedding day.

call her up and ask her if she has found a babysitter to let the baby be home or you could arrange on for her. If she gets upset, then tell her that it's her choice to reconsider her attendance if she would like, but the fact that the wedding will be an adult only affair is not negotiable.

Good luck

Answer 6

If she must travel to the wedding, and you don't want the infant there, then you (yes you) must find a babysitter. It is impossible for an out-of-towner to find a reliable babysitter for a one-night event.

I travelled to a wedding 1,000 miles from my home with a 1 year old and had to use a sitter from the service recommended by the hotel. It cost a fortune ($75 to join the service, then $100 for the night). I didn't mind paying, but I would have preferred a friend of the bride's sister, who worked in a day care. The bride wouldn't make the call.

You can explain that the party is adults only, but you have arranged for the neighbor's kid to watch the baby in the hotel (or a room at the facility that you have set aside)

You were so worried about poor taste that you have to do something more distasteful by telling her the child isn't welcome.

Answer 7

You can just tell her i am sorry but there is no kids tell her you had others ask and declined so you must do the same for her and hope she will understand and if not then her loss.although if the baby is only 1 yrs old you don't have to pay for a plate and seating will be on your cousins lap. good luck

Answer 8

Why don't you go ahead and hire a sitter for her? Takes the pressure off and then she can't really argue with it, can she? Just call her and tell her you found a sitter for the wedding date and weren't trying to step on any toes, but didn't feel it was a child friendly/appropriate celebration. If you sound upbeat about it and don't approach it like you've done something wrong, she'll be less likely to get defensive. Be honest about the fact that you didn't invite any children to the wedding and you want her to be able to mingle with the other guests and enjoy herself without having to worry about the baby. If you spin it like you're doing her a favor instead of giving her an order, she might respond a little more positively. Its not always what you say, its how you say it.

Answer 9

Just say nicely "oh did you find a babysitter for the day of the wedding??"

Like you never even knew she was planning to bring her baby... and see what she says... then if she says no tell her u do remember this is an adult event .. or insist that she need a rest from her baby

Answer 10

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