I had a fight with my mother last week. She thought that I shouldn't be upset, therefore in her mind I wasn't upset. I spoke with her yesterday, after not speaking to her for a week. She tried yelling at me, and lecturing me like I am still a child. I told her that I didn't have time in my life for such things, and got off the phone with her.
Today she saw my husband and started complaining about me. She said that I said things that I didn't say, I didn't even say things remotely like the things she said I said. She told my husband that I had told her and my dad to go to hell, that I didn't need them anymore, that I had my own family now.
Why did my mother tell my husband these lies? Is there something wrong with her, or is she just trying to "go behind my back" to get my husband on her side, or turn him against me, or I don't know what??? Should I call her and say something to her? Please help! I worry that something could be wrong in her mind.
2007-06-07 08:51:27 · 17 answers · asked by Kaytee 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
She would have to join a lot of mothers around the world. I dont know why some of them get like that as their kids, especially their daughters, enter adulthood. When we were younger we had to take whatever they said and run with it because we were children in their house. Then we become adults in a sense that control is no longer there. You can say something back, pose an argument, or simply get off the phone... something that you couldnt do as a child. So they go over the line to try to regain some type of dominance in the matter, since being "mom" isnt the highest rank anymore.
My mom hasnt spoken to me since December because I told her not to have my children around her married boyfriend. Now when I was younger I had to go places with the two of them because I wasnt in a position to voice how wrong I thought it was. But now that shes not in the position to control my actions, her resort was to discontinue our communciation.
Luckily, not all mothers are like this.
Your mom may just like to have the final word, or want to always be right. And if she cant get that from you, she figures her next option is your other half.
I wouldnt say anything to her as of yet, it wont do any good. Will probably just add on. But definitely let her kool off, and the next time you have decent speaking terms politely bring up the fact that you dont appreciate your husband being bought into you and her separate conversations, especially in a negative sense. Also tell your husband he needs to politely stop her next time she has negative things to say about you, true or not. Your are his wife after all and he should have your back in any situation!
(Sorry so long!)
2007-06-07 08:59:56 · answer #1 · answered by frankee_77 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
All of this "miscommunication" is easily solved.
You don't need to get into a He said/she said...she said/she said pissing contest.
Just simply confront her and call her out on the "lies" she told your husband.
You can should be calm ,civilized and direct - You may have to be the "adult" example for your own mother and show your mother how You as an adult handle this.
Clear this up by either going to her home ( if you can it would be best) or calling her and having your husband on the phone.
If you call have your husband listen on another line ( let her know he is) and simply ask her why she said, that you said... ___________(fill in the blank) when it isn't true.
It sounds like you are an Adult and frankly if your mother is not going to treat you with basic respect then you don't have to tolerate her tirades. Tell her you Love her and you would like to have a "healthy relationship" with her...but it comes with certain boundaries.
Those Boundaries are yours to decide.Such as what "subjects" you will or will not discuss with her.
Now that you are an adult and have a husband her "job"as a "Mother" is done when it comes to disciplining you or "lecturing" you.
Hope that helps!
2007-06-07 09:06:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, of all you need to think, if she has always been this way. Or if this is a new personality. I know you have probably heard this several times, but a mother and her daughter should be more of best friends, the worst enemies. Maybe she feels angry and telling lies, which is no excuse, but might be the only way out of making you realize she needs you. You should confront her about it, but not on the phone, in person.
1. Talk rationally, and dont have a bad tone
2. Tell her you want to mend yall's relationship
3. Tell her how much you love her
4. And that you need your mother
5. And, be very emotional on the fact of her behaving this way.
Try to get through to her..
Believe me every woman needs her mother..
Try to mend things, even if you didnt start them.
GOOD LUCK :)
P.S.. You should post how it went
2007-06-07 09:06:50 · answer #3 · answered by teen♥gurl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say she is shocked - hurt - and ticked off - that you stood up to her like an adult. And that you didn't take her crap. And she doesn't know what to do now. So she is trying to undermine you and attack you through your husband. I'd let your husband know what the situation is and that your mother is handling this very badly. Then, let your mother know you won't be talking to her until she starts acting like a caring human being again and then maybe you both can reestablish a relationship where she respects you as the adult you are.
2007-06-07 09:16:42 · answer #4 · answered by Annie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There nothing wrong with your mind. Your mother sounds like a controlling person, who wants things her way when she its convienent for her. Next time you talk with your mother dont argue, whatever she asked just give a straight Yes or NO dont look for any converstion. When she ask why arent you talking tell her you dont have anything to say. If she gets upset or angry just say " Mom when you able to talk to me in a calm respectful manner we will speak again, until then have a pleasant day" and hang up.
2007-06-07 09:02:12 · answer #5 · answered by beliz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds a lot like my mother, and she only says things like that or lies like that to start drama. She doesnt know what to do if there isnt any kind of drama going on in her life, so therefore she must make sure there is something stressful going on. Good luck. My mom's been like that for as long as I've been alive, and I dont see her stopping anytime soon.
2007-06-07 08:58:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to tell you this but I think the less contact the better. Either she is sick or evil and you do not have the power to change either one. Protect your little family and devote every moment to them Your husband deserves full 100 percent attention from you and she is draining you emotionally and time wise. If it means you have to change your locks and your phone number do so. This could result in even MORE serious problems.
2007-06-07 08:59:36 · answer #7 · answered by barthebear 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
something IS wrong with her mind. call her and tell her to stop making those lies. all those things she made up will come true if she keeps doing this.
then, go to your husband and tell him the truth. if he doesn't believe in you, ask him "we've been together for so long and you know we trust each other. you know deep down i didn't do that. she's just tryin' to get you on her side."
2007-06-07 09:02:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this irrational behavior occurs often, it could be pattern that she is having mental problems. You will have to be the judge of that, since we don't know all the particulars in this case. Good Luck.
2007-06-07 08:57:29 · answer #9 · answered by WC 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your mother feels left out and is trying to punish you indirectly.
Since you are no longer her underage child this is her slightly twisted way of controlling you.
2007-06-07 09:07:02 · answer #10 · answered by m_c_m_a_n 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋