Should I be allowed to visit my spouse of 17 years in intensive care?

Question

If they are unable to make health decisions on their own, should I be allowed to do so on their behalf?

If they are incapacitated and can no longer care for themselves, or make decisions for themselves, should I be allowed to take them home and provide care?

If my spouse dies, should I be allowed to keep all property that we have purchased together, in addition to inheriting any property they have only in their name..assuming no one else is named in a will?

Oh yeah, I am gay...my spouse is another guy....we are unable to legally marry...

While we can go to great lengths and expense to hire attorneys to draw up the appropriate documentation to protect us in such cases....most times courts will side with a blood relative over a non-related person in these matters...even when there are legal documents present.

So, my question is...out of basic decency and humanity, why wouldn't you support some sort of legal recognition of our 17 year relationship?

Answer 1

I would and do 'respect' your long term relationship ... and I think it is 'criminal' that you can't get the same 'respect' in the legal and governmental systems in the U.S. ... but I will 'fight for you' until the day I die, if necessary. I am a 56 year old woman, I am straight, and I am happily married to a 49 year old man ... who AGREES WITH ME on this subject.

Answer 2

Actually there are ways to make it a legal right for you to have the ability to be involved with his critical care......the ability to make the decisions he could not.......and the legal right to all ASSETS!! First, you would have to go to a lawyer and have some documents drawn up. Doesn't matter what you sexuality is. If you have these documents there are legal and can SAY who has the rights and who gets what! Second, he would need a living will....as would you! Third, a medical Will....that would state in it that if such and such has happened you have the right to act as his medical attorney in fact to say and make the decisions necessary for care!! Fourth, a Last Will and Testament to decitate who gets what when your partner does pass. You can also have other documents drawn up that say you are to be allowed in ICU and the long term wing to be with your partner. Sounds like a lot, but hey it works. I hope that this information really helps you out. I don't think it is right that you are not intitled to the same treatment as others. I think in the light of this situation things should be viewed from a different stand point. It is apparent that you are the one they depend on after having been there for 17 years. I believe there should be some kind of rights out there that allowed this to be something that was offered to the ones CLOSEST to the individual. Good luck!!

Answer 3

Yes you should. Everyone should have the right to visit spouses or long-term significant others (of either sex) in the hospital and be able to make legal decisions that impact the partner and the relationship.

This is a basic human rights issue. To not treat everyone the same is discrimination pure and simple and in the 21st century when we should be above all that, it is a shame to see that it still exists.

Answer 4

Yes yes yes yes. Your relationship is JUST as legitimate as any heterosexual one. You should have ALL the rights afforded to other couples. And I personally think that it really, really sucks that some people want to legalize discrimination.

P.S. - if you're actually in need of the services you mentioned, there are several lawyers who will work pro bono to assist you. You should be able to find one in your town through a local GLAAD organization or something similar.

Answer 5

>>most times courts will side with a blood relative over a non-related person in these matters...even when there are legal documents present.<<

I couldn't find evidence of that. There is no legal reason in the United States a gay person with no legal spouse and no children cannot leave everything to his SA.

http://wills-probate.lawyers.com/Wills-and-Probate-FAQ.html#thirteen
http://money.cnn.com/2000/05/01/senior_living/q_retire_wills/
http://finance.yahoo.com/retirement/article/102040/Preventing_Squabbles_Over_a_Will_With_No-Contest_Clause

Answer 6

Then they can't be your spouse, it's the law.

Can you wait for the day when you Spouse sues you for divorce and takes 25% of your paycheck for say, 12 years.

That's the flip side of the coin.

He get's the house, the car, the dog and you get the bills.

It's called LAW, a double edged sword.

Answer 7

I support you!!

What some folks don't know is that these "defense of marriage" amendments will sometimes invalidate any legal contract you and your spouse have created, such as wills, trusts, and medical directives.

Answer 8

you do have the right ,at least at my medical center!!!! that is if there is no family member to mess things up! if there is no other close relative then you should be able to make decisions - I know , that is stupid!
I am sorry for your pain and your spouses suffering!

I hope that all goes well for you both!

love - thoughts and hugs to you!

Answer 9

I suspect because people who oppose same sex marriages are on a power trip and need to feel that they have some say over other individuals.

Besides, since when are religionists known for humanity? Think about how they love their little god who condones mass murder. I would not call that "humanity" or "decency".

Answer 10

I guess FISH is right. But you know you could get a "Health and Finance Power of Attorney" in which he can appoint you to act in his behalf if he can no longer take care of him and his finances, and viceversa.