Been together for 9 years and engaged for 7. We planned 3 weddings and each time the date would get closer someone (not always him) would cause us to reschedule. We are not currently planning anything and I am starting to feel like being married is not what he wants anyway. He keeps saying that he is waiting to have that "dream wedding" and he needs to save for it. But I don't really care at all about a big wedding. He does however. So I am wondering is he serious or just playing with me? Should I just get on with my life. We are still young, but I am not getting any younger and I want to have babies soon. which again, he doesn't want until he has lots of $$$. Help. Advice?
2007-06-07 07:54:51 · 41 answers · asked by ~B~ 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Bye-Bye!
2007-06-07 07:59:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
It should only have been an extremely serious situation for someone else to have caused rescheduling your wedding. It sounds like you are getting the run around by him. Wouldnt all of the money that he says he is saving for the wedding be better spent for a down payment on a house, or car? Ask him how he feels about that. Get a simple wedding because being together is the most important thing, not the wedding. Reality will start when you wish you had the money you spent on the wedding for starting your married lives together.
2007-06-07 08:00:51 · answer #2 · answered by WE 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is he actually saving money towards the wedding? Does he have a separate account that he deposits money into from each paycheck? Does he have an end goal in mind, say, $25,000, for when he's saved enough for the wedding? If the answer to these questions is no, then he is just using it as an excuse to keep you around but to avoid actually getting married. Seven years is a long time to wait. People who honestly want to get married don't want to wait that long.
If you really don't want to break up, though, you will have to do something. Discuss this issue with him in an honest, mature conversation. Don't threaten him- it will just make him defensive. Tell him you want to get married right away (give him a date) in a simple ceremony, and he can have his "dream wedding" to renew your vows in a few years when he feels he has saved enough for it. Set up a new "dream wedding" account, and put a set dollar amount into it from each of your paychecks. Have an end goal so you will know when to stop saving.
As far as saving for kids, tell him that once you are married, together you will put away a certain percentage from each paycheck into a savings account. Once you reach a certain dollar amount, you will start trying to conceive. You will have to decide if you want to save for the dream wedding and for kids at the same time (two separate savings accounts), or which one you will save for first.
If he is reluctant to actually set financial goals for having kids, he will probably try to string you along for another seven years. Be sure to have this issue clearly settled before you get married.
Best of luck to you!
2007-06-07 08:40:42 · answer #3 · answered by I Should Be Cleaning My House 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that your dream is to HAVE a wedding. Is there a savings account set up to save for the wedding or for future children? If not then this is just an excuse. Tell him that you want a written plan of how you can accomplish a wedding that suits you both with a definate end date. If he doesn't want to do this, you might need to move on. Good luck.
2007-06-07 08:05:45 · answer #4 · answered by lovestogarden 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you wait for the "perfect" time, it will NEVER happen. There is never a perfect time. This is a HUGE red flag. Time to go shopping with your girlfriends, update your style, boost your confidence, if needed, and get out there and look for someone whose goals are more in line with yours. The writing is on the wall, this relationship has hit the end of the road. Do what is right for YOU and move on. DON'T let him change your mind. If he says, let's get married this weekend, we'll start having kids this year, etc. Tell him that he had 9 years to get on the same page as you and it was 9 years too long. As soon as you give in, you will be right back where you are now... in a dead end relationship.
2007-06-07 08:47:37 · answer #5 · answered by Proud Momma 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The point is, you're in limbo and you're waiting for him to make the money he says he needs for both a wedding and children. Time to take control, girlfriend. I think you should have a serious talk with him, telling him how hard this waiting game has been for you, and if he's not passionate about you, that you two need to do the adult thing and make a difficult decision, but ultimately it will be for each other's greater happiness, cos you can't do this anymore.
I had this talk with my beau last year. Two months later he gave me a ring. This next month we're getting married. Best of luck to you!
2007-06-07 08:13:48 · answer #6 · answered by AMY S. 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Has he had a job in the last 9 years? It seriously sounds like he just keeps putting you on "hold" and you keep letting him. He has had 7 years to save for a wedding you don't really want. If he wanted to get married he would say "screw it, lets go to Vegas" and it would be done.
Sit and talk and set a timeline for yourselves. You want to be married by "May 2008" and start trying to have kids by "Feb 2009." See if he agrees or what his response is. Give yourself an internal timeline, he does something to show he is ready to be married by "Sept 2007" or you leave and move on!
Good Luck!!!
2007-06-07 09:35:20 · answer #7 · answered by longhornfan1722 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's comfortable with the status quo. Why would he rush to change it? You need to sit down with him and give him an ultimatium. Either you run off to Vegas and get married soon (provide a month if you want) or you leave. Seven years is enough, honey, especially if you know you want children!
Also, I hope he learns that no matter how long you wait, the time is NEVER "just right" to have kids. Kids will always interrupt plans and there will never be enough money for them. Granted, there are of course very bad times to have kids. But there are no perfect ones. Don't wait for the "perfect" time, because you'll never have them.
2007-06-07 08:55:50 · answer #8 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I would think that 7 years is plenty of time to have been saving for a wedding. If he's been putting money aside, then I would still take him seriously. But if he hasn't actually been saving all this time, then that would tell me that it's something he is just imagining, and not actually planning for.
You are going to be the best judge. If you honestly feel in your heart that there is no future with him, go on and give yourself the opportunity to find one with someone else.
2007-06-07 08:04:20 · answer #9 · answered by Vix 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you've planned a nice little getaway for two weeks from now in a totally romantic setting, and we're going to have a nice, small, beautiful ceremony. Don't worry -- the parents will be there too. It'll be great!
Now, whether or not you actually plan that isn't the point. See what he says or how he reacts. Tell him you'll have a big reception for everyone else later, but let's do the ceremony in two weeks. It's all planned, it didn't break the budget, etc. etc.
See if he still has excuses then.
Good luck with whatever you decide!
2007-06-07 08:03:18 · answer #10 · answered by doggiemom 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You can only decide for yourself, really. Complete strangers on Yahoo! Answers can't answer something like this, not really. However, this rescheduling after rescheduling is ridiculous. Sit him down and say, "Look, this is gone on for too long, if you don't want to enter into the committment of marriage then just SAY IT, but stop jerking me around. I don't care about a big wedding, and, as newlyweds there are WAY more important things to spend out money on than the wedding itself. So let's set a definite date, or call it off - permanately." But, again, that's just me. Maybe that doesn't work for you.
Just as important though, is this difference of opinion regarding children. Look, as a married couple, some things you can compromise on, but some things, that should be discussed before you tie the knot, must be seen eye-to-eye. This is one of them. If you can't agree on anything regarding children - way of raising them, how many, when to have them, or whether or not to have them - this may not be your ideal match. Things like these can cause major problems down the road, so I'd sit down and think to myself, "Am I sure this is the guy for me?"
Best of luck to you!
2007-06-07 08:09:46 · answer #11 · answered by clairvoyant_dreamer 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋