Has anyone had this happen to them?

Question

You had a good life, your still young, 17-20, your in school, things are going good for you it seems like, but you either accidentally got pregnant or you wanted to become pregnant and start a family so you did. How did it change your life? Did your partner stay with you to help? How did your parents react? I'm 19 and I want to start a family with my bf but I'm pretty sure my parents would flip out, especially since I've got everything going for me right now school-wise. My mom had me at 20 and she said she doesn't want me to go through what she had to go through, but it would be different, bc I WANT to do this as opposed to her accident. I was just wanting to hear some stories about what happened in this kind of situation. Thanks

Answer 1

ok well i was 19 when i had my first baby and i had just started college and i had never had a real bf before that. Man was that a surprise to my mom. i let her down big time. and my dad flipped out too. it was really hard at first my mom wouldnt even look at my sonograms. i really hurt her and made her feel like she did something wrong u know. my bf stayed and was excited but we were young and he didnt know how to grow up although i had to. it was really tough and a up and down road and we split up more than once. then i got preg. again a yr and a half later and figured it would get better but it didnt. we split up. i went through so much stress and tears. mom got over it after i had my first baby and loves both of them to death now. it just took her some time. i hope it all works out for u but i would wait and get ur life together and make sure you are both ready. although u may think u are he may not be. its had to be single mother. your parents can only help u so much. good luck again.

Answer 2

I got pregnant on purpose both times. I'm married and 21. Although it is a wonderful thing no doubt about it, to become a mother, I do not suggest you to do this right now. I can't really say I wish I would have waited.. because this is my life now and I can't imagine any other way with out my kids. But I will say that it is very hard. I mean if you plan on getting through school and having a child. You will be so stressed. You wont want to leave your baby for school. You will have to find a baby sitter all the time so you can go to school. You will be broke all the time. I spend over 100 a month on formula alone and over 100 a month on diapers. Then you have insurance, co payments which are at least 20 a visit. and babies have to go every couple of months. You have to buy clothes, toys, all sorts of things. It really puts a strain on your relationship. I just really feel like younger people should have as much life experience as possible before jumping into parent hood. Go to school, parties, date sleep in, shop, hang out with your friends. Get all that out of you system first because you don't really get to do that when you are a mom. Also you want too make sure you are financially stable. Otherwise it is hard to really enjoy being a parent when yo are always stressing out about financial issues. Oh and definitely get married first. You should make your wedding the "Next big thing" in your life. Just take things one step at a time. Good luck to you!

Answer 3

I had my first child when I was 25, married, had a good job, husband did too and it was hard, both mentally and financially.
Are you ready to give up your social life almost completely? Can you afford to stay at home with the child or can you afford day-care if you have to work...and without an education to help you get a good paying job, will your job pay enough to cover day-care? Will you be able to have a child with no outside help...welfare, WIC, foodstamps, etc? Do you have any medical insurance to cover your needs and the needs of your child once it is born? Are you mature and patient enough to handle the constant needs of a newborn, even when you have no idea what's wrong with them or why they are crying (you don't have the patience to wait a few years to have a child..hmm)? Are you ready to be tired and worn out constantly for the next two years? Are you prepared to handle the unexpected like (God-forbid) birth defects or serious newborn illnesses that will need special care and extra finances? Will you be able to provide a home for this child or are you planning to live with someone...his parents,etc? Are you absolutely sure this is what your bf wants and is he going to stick around after the baby gets here? What will be your back-up plan if he decides to leave? Will you be able to support yourself and your child if you were to happen to be put in the situation of being a single parent?

If you notice, most of the people here are telling you to wait, finish school, then have a child. It's not because we want to torture you or make you unhappy....it's because most of us have been there and done that and have gained the knowledge that regardless of how great you think things will be, life and people and circumstances can be very unpredictable and become very hard. It's a good idea if a person prepares and gets themselves to the best point possible before having a child. A lot of girls and women look forward to having a child but they choose to wait and finish school so they can make the child's life as good as possible....which really is the most important thing.

Answer 4

did u just call urself "an accident"?
first of all, as much as it seems like "oh yes, my bf will stick around and help out and blahblahblah and b a good father" (which im not saying he wont) but what if he doesnt come thru? then he up and leaves u and u r stuck with a little baby, in highschool, ur parents completely disowning u...
so where do u go then?
who do u turn 2?
there r 2 many cases in the world where young couples (such as urself) say "we want the perfect family blahblah and we r going 2 have a family" but in the end it ends up the wife is a mother and has 3 kids running around the house and the father is out doing who-knows-what with some other girl
lets face it
men r stupid
even if they r sometimes cute
he will prolly just leave
sry 2 burst ur bubble
but i have seen many cases where couples were gonna start a family and then the bf left the gf with kids and no job and no support

Answer 5

You are also forgetting that times were A LOT different back when your mom had you. She probably didnt have as much going for her as you do now. Regardless, you should wait. Every girl wants a family, but there is no reason to rush that at all. Babies are great, and having that special person in your life is great, so its only natural to want to start a family with them. But you have no idea how much work it is to raise a child. Not to mention the financial aspects of it.

Go to school and just take the time to be with your boyfriend and have fun. You wont be able to do a lot of things if you bring a baby into it. Wait until you are married, thats a REAL family!!

Oh and another thing, my friend had her first kids at 23 (twins by the way) and she wishes everyday that she could have a life like she used to have.

Answer 6

avarage europian girl give the first birth at age 29.
having such decisoin will close many opportunities for your future, i'm not saying it's a bad thing, but in your age, you need to define your life path first, that requires mobility and only few responsibilities.

20's usually not a stable stage of life, you may find your self in "you're on your own" situations, ALOT!.

how about having your family without children as "phase 1" and have the maximum fun and opportunities.
and leave the child "phase 2" to the late twenties, because then you will probobly had all the fun you shoud have, and all the opportunities you might found "a stable life".

before you decide having a child, put your self into common everyday life situations:

-job interview.
-having 2 jobs at the same time.
-have to stay late at work.
-you are at school
-some day you may have a scholarship opportunity.
-you want to have a wild party and get drunk overnight and so.

list goes on and on.

you know stuff like that, there is bills need to be paid.

take a moment thinking about getting a dog instead, and you still can stay with ur BF.


another thing, family still family no matter what you do, they will NOT give up on you, ever.
may be they'll get mad for sometime and its because they're affraid that you can't handle it by yourself.

Answer 7

Well I am 30 yrs old I had my first son at 18 he was planned I have him 3 1/2 weeks after graduation.
I have started school 4 times and had to stop all 4 times I am still looking at going back and every time I try I have to stop becasue of something to do with my children.
Financially it is still rough Now i have 2 children. It is not easy every day is a struggle.
Please think about your future you have the rest of your life to have children. Get your schooling done, get married then think about having children
Another suggestion if you are having the baby syndrome is what I always call it start a babysitting service that you can be with other children.
This will help change your mind FAST!!!!
Good Luck!

Answer 8

look honey you need to wait on having a family this soon in your life,baby because that is what you are to me go to school and get your life started then find you a man that want the samethings in life as you do and you and he should get good jobs and get married save lots of money enjoy being married before you start bring kids in this old ugly,mean cruel world.If you start having babies this early in life No your boy friend will not be there like you think he will.Please hold off and don't make your parents flip out my situation was a lot like your moms and my boy friend at the time left us and I was only twenty years old with only a high school education he had alway said if by any chance that we get pregnant I will be there for you and our child because I love you girl you are my world baby you are my rib well I fell for all of that sweet talk and we got pregnant and I had my baby and by the time I got my six week check up he was gone and I was left to raise our baby alone it was hard but my family and I did it with the help of Jesus of course without his help I know that we wouldn't have made it I went to college and got my degree and I met my husband that I've been married to for the last twenty- six years and we have a twenty- one year old son that is college and his girl friend is wanting to start a family early because she feel that it will be different with them but that is only a dream that will not come true sorry but that is how it is honey I don't know you baby but you really need to wait until later on in life.look out for yourself first before you start bring others in to this world because being a mother is a big thing and you must be a responsibile person to be a good mom. A planed pregnancy is sometimes harder than an unwanted one because are not looking for your childs father to leave but you know that things happen. And if you family are not close net then you and your child will have to get into the system,but if you wait until you get your self in order even if the father walk off or whatever you can stand tall and hold things together and move on because you have a good paying job and can take up the slack.Please wait Please.

Answer 9

It hasn't happened to me, but I can tell you the story of my friend. She was a smart girl doing good at school when she accidentally got pregnant at 17. She got married to the guy and that was the worst thing she did. They guy hit her all the time and called her names. She had a misrable life till she got divorced. Now she's a single mom with no good education and therefore no well-paid job.

I don't think you should do it because you need to study and since you are so young you don't know what will come of your bf in a few years time.

Answer 10

I'm glad your asking this question - most people just jump into doing something like this, and it causes TONS of trouble.

This year, I'm 33. I am currently 33 weeks pregnant.

I have a 10 year old daughter - who I had when I was 23.

I was married when I had my daughter, however it is beyond comprehension to explain how it impacted my early 20's. My friends were in college, were taking trips, were exploring all kinds of things - and I was home with my daughter. Her dad and I divorced when she was 3 because he was cheating and irresponsible.

I didn't 'mind' so much, the time with my daughter, as looking back now, I can see how much I truly traded off being young with being a mom. My daughter is awesome, however, at 33 - there is a tremendous difference in my being better prepared for feeding a baby every 2 to 3 hours, and changing diapers every 3 hours, and the costs associated with all of that.

Maternity leave, when I was in my 20's was stressful - I had a full time job, with 'decent' maternity, but I had to go back early because financially we needed ALL of my pay to make ends meet.

Now - I'm looking at 'how much extra time to take off' because our financial situation is different. MUCH different.

I would suggest that you try to figure out WHY you are wanting to start a family early. Is it because you feel you will have unconditional love from your baby? Is it because you want to cement your relationship with your boyfriend?

Most people go around thinking about why they think they want to have a child - but never go about thinking if THEY are a good choice to HAVE a child. Are you emotionally, financially, physically and mentally ready to have a baby? Or are you using it to fill in a hole somewhere you think with a perfect baby sized opportunity.

Enjoy your life - enjoy being young, and wait til your married, til you've gotten your job and are financially stable to take care of your child. You will have the opportunity to ENJOY your baby more if you take the time.

Good luck, regardless.