I have been dating a guy for about 6 months. He will tell me that he loves me sometimes. But a few days ago, he asked if I was "in love" with him and I said maybe (I was caught off guard). I asked him if he was "in love" with me and he said no. He said he wasn't sure if he ever has been and whether or not he could be (in love with anyone).
When I brought this up a few days later, he said he thought I was rushing things and that it sounds like I had been thikning about the future. He said he cares about me and likes spending time with me and getting to know me. And then wanted to know if I was in love with him.
The more I thought about what he said the more it bothers me.
Can anyone explain this behavior and what they think the difference between being "in love" and loving someone?
And what they would do in this situation?
2007-06-07 07:29:57 · 23 answers · asked by *Rumer*Severin* 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
This person did ask me to date him officially and said he was ready to make that commitment to me. His "in love" question came after him bringing he thought we were not intimate enough (close enough, not sexually) and that he wanted to get to know me better and a long talk about our ex's and getting hurt. I seriously doubt that he wants to break up with me and I just cant figure out his behavior.
2007-06-07 11:52:08 · update #1
You can love your mom, but it'd be weird to be "in love" with her.
"In love," as best as I can tell, is deep romantic love, as opposed to a strong caring for someone like the love you have for your mom or brother.
It sounds like he either has issues with commitment, or he doesn't want to commit to you. His question was to gauge how strongly you feel for him.
In any case, this is a bad sign, it shows that _he_ is the one looking into the future; and not liking what he sees there.
As for what you should do: ask him directly what it is that he wants out of your relationship. Is he looking for love, or just a steady lay? If he answers outright, you'll know what's up, if he tries to dodge the question, then he probably isn't looking for love.
2007-06-07 07:41:29 · answer #1 · answered by Kaze 3 · 8⤊ 0⤋
I think I understand. You can love someone very deeply but the love may not be reciprocated. That is why the term in love is followed by the word "with". It becomes mutual.
It is also possible to love someone and not be in love with them.
In some ways loving someone is very much deeper than being in love, as being in love requires (to me anyway) the presence of very deep passions, an almost physical drawing towards the other person and constant thought of them - Your man has a lot of stuff deep down inside him you should try and understand. Remember Prince Charles' famous line when asked if he was in love and he made the comment "whatever that is" - he was not in love with Diana - I doubt he really knew how to love her because he knew she wasn't the "keeper" he needed. I do not think you are the "keeper" for your man and I do not think he is your "keeper" - but he could be - if you are able to discover what he means by love - because I do not think he knows what it is; and if he does have an idea of what it is, it is definitely not the same definition as yours. In your situation I would think this had the makings of a long term friendship and no more. There is the bacon but there sure isn't the sizzle!
2007-06-07 07:59:10 · answer #2 · answered by pwwatson8888 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have had this discussing with several people and we have all generally agreed that when you love someone you have a general sense of caring about the person. You like spending time with them and you want the best from them. But loving someone does not have to be romantic or long-term. You can love your friends or parents. But being "in love" usually involves a romantic connection that you want to keep for the long haul. When you are in love with someone you want to work through any difficulties the relationship may encounter. You want to commit to this person. You see them as a possible life partner. That is the difference between "loving" and being "in love".
As far as your particular situation goes and the squirrelly behavior of this guy you're a dating, I believe he is not ready for a committed relationship. He seems concerned that you may have more serious feelings for him than he has for you and he is trying to make sure you are not expecting a commitment that he is not ready to give. In truth, it's a good thing that he is checking in with you about this. It sounds like he likes you and wants to continue to see you but he doesn't want to get trapped in something that he is not ready for. If you feel the same way, I say "rock on". If not, it's best to talk to him and get it all out on the table now. Hope it works out.
Peace
2007-06-07 08:14:01 · answer #3 · answered by lady d 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Some guys make a distinction between "I love you" and "I'm in love with you." The guys that do make that distinction are usually trying to obtain an advantage of some sort (maybe just to get into your pants) by saying they love you (not that they are in love with you), usually tell most girls they know the same thing, and only point out the distinction when they want the girl to break up with them. This particular guy seems to be screaming for his freedom--so I'd cut him loose and let him fly. When he asks if you're in love with him, tell him you'll let him know after you get to know him better b/c isn't that what he wanted....just to get to know you. He's playing you--so let him go and toy with someone else.
2007-06-07 07:37:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The word LOVE is in the BIBLE. " For GOD so LOVED the world, that he gave his ONLY begotten son. Not for suffering but for the result of everlasting life". LOVE - means that you will do whatever it takes to maintain that love spiritually, physically, mentally, etc. By LOVE I mean it as a NOUN being your love, the one you love.
Most believe it is an emotion stemming from an over abundant feeling of mixed emotions that are seemingly indescribable. When its probably endorphin release from feelings of euphoria.
.
When I LOVE someone, I will say it whenever I feel it has the most surprising approach. There were boyfriends that I has long term relationships with and never once told them I loved them. When they asked me why...we broke up because It was evident that It would forever be non existent.
i could go on but...not in the mood
2013-12-07 11:59:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
In love is to be as we say crazy about someone. To miss them when they are away. To think about them and can't wait to see them. It appears that your friend is correct in what he says. He is not in love; he can take it or leave it. He is trying to be carefully. He is not ready for marriage or anything else except what goes along with dating.
It appears this relationship is going nowhere because it is not based on anything solid. It is two people that like each other but that is as far as it goes. When a man loves a woman he let it be known that she is the one. If you are not getting this message, I would suggest that you move on.
I do not know if you are sexually active, but I would suggest if you are to stop. If a man does not love you enough to marry you, then what is the point of dating; and it seems to me he is not ready for anything serious.
Let me suggest you read 1 Cor chapter 13 for what love does. Then I believe that you will see the different between love and in love.
2007-06-07 07:50:48 · answer #6 · answered by I Wanna Know 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm... I think he figures being "in love" with someone means you're in it for the long haul, while "loving" someone is more about the present. Maybe he's not ready to step into that full commitment of thinking about a future with you. Sometimes people have boyfriends or girlfriends just to have boyfriends or girlfriends. But sometimes they're looking for and interested in finding someone who they could possibly spend the rest of their life with. It sounds like your boyfriend is in the first category for now.
2007-06-07 07:34:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is'nt that weard how "Man kind"has given a name to something thay can't define the meaning of. All we know is that some kind of feeling,emotion has come over us.We may not know what it is ,but it feel's good and so we akcept it.Then we realise there are other feeling's and emotion's thet come with it.Bad one's ! And it's our natural instinkt to back away from thing's that hurt us.So now we have to deside if we are brave enough ,strong enough to akcept the bad with the good..Being in love mean's your open to all other emotion's aswell.To just love something mean's the feeling does not go deep enough to be hurt by it. (These are just my thought's)
2007-06-07 09:17:40 · answer #8 · answered by lkayj4 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Loving someone is accepting 100% them for who and what they are.
Being In Love is a temporary state in which you're affected emotionally and physically by someone else. You usually see the other as the best thing since sliced bread and cant think of anything or anyone else all day.
The situation itself seems like he clearly loves you but he might be scared by commiting to a romantic relationship with you.
This is quite normal for men.
You might try to give him some space for a short while but if he doesn't commit to you, he's just not worth it.
2007-06-07 07:40:00 · answer #9 · answered by Fittype101 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
He wants you to be in love with him, but he wants to take it slow.
Love is when you're with someone (or not) and you care about them but you're nothing more than that -- boyfriend and girlfriend.
Being in love is when you can picture yourself with that person when you're older, married, with kids. When you WANT to marry that person and have kids and grow old together.
When you're in love, you just know you are. You don't take a quiz or ask anyone "This is how I feel, am I in love?" you just know. :)
Good luck!
2007-06-07 07:35:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋