Ok I'm one those of those Independent Woman who dousn't like "Labels"in a relationship. Am I fooling myself.

Question

I'm a commitment-phobe in that I don't like the pressures accompanied within Exclusivity ie, role-playing and expectations but I met someone whom I've been seeing for approx a month now which for me is Huge bc I haven't given anyone a second call back in over a year.
So How do I chill and relax and take one day at a time??? How do I Not Sabatoge a Good thing??? How do I create that Balance between my Him and the Assumed Pressure I Fear and Dread??? Perhaps its in both our best interest if I walk away now before I hurt him/me...I think so:<

Answer 1

Oh, wow.. why do you think you should walk away? You have just started this thing.
I think you should give it a chance.. try being yourself and have a good time. Talk to him and explain him why you feel the way you do.
If you care about him than do yourself a favor and do not ruin smth that could be good.

Answer 2

No. No, no, no, no. Just NO. First of all, if that were true then there would be no single mothers OR single fathers, no need for child support, no deadbeat parents and no absentee parents. Children don't cement a relationship - EVER. The only way to "cement" a relationship is for the two people involved in it to completely commit to each other, forsaking all others, to share mutual love and respect, and to have no desire to ever be with anyone else ever again. A child is a blessing, and the icing on the cake. Besides, any woman who gets pregnant for the sole purpose of keeping her man around is getting pregnant for the WRONG reason, and the child will be the one to suffer for it. Perhaps a decent guy will stick around out of duty to the CHILD, but certainly not out of duty to the woman. And why on earth would you even WANT a man who only stayed because of the child? Why wouldn't you want him to stay because of YOU? And not everyone sees having a baby as a "lifelong commitment". I personally know a woman whose husband left her when she was four months pregnant, came back after the baby was born, got her pregnant again and then left again, at four months pregnant. He has since signed over rights to his children and has never made an attempt to be in their lives again. The world is unfortunately full of people exactly like him.

Answer 3

There is nothing wrong with wanting to maintain your identity, but don't shut yourself off from every potential relationship because of it. Your independent spirit is probably what attracted him to you in the first place. If he is someone that you feel comfortable and happy being around, why in the world would you end the relationship? There is nothing wrong with getting to know him and taking things slow. There is nothing wrong with allowing yourself to be vulnerable and in love... Maybe you just need to sit down and share all of your insecurities and fears with him. We all experience what you are going through friend- you just need to take things as they come. You are only a "commitment-phobe" if you allow yourself to be; so take control of your fears and enjoy the happiness that an intimate relationship can bring. Good luck and stick around to see what happens with this guy.

Answer 4

Wow, you sound EXACTLY like me a few months ago! I did the same exact thing! I met this guy, & I am very big on my independence. I told him every other day that I wasn't his girlfriend. At the beginning, I was labeling things & it ended up eating me inside, but I realized I just needed to take things one day at a time & just let things flow naturally. You can't worry about or think about labeling, otherwise you will miss what's in front of you.

Something else that I learned & hopefully I can pass on to you... I thought, "I'm so young, I should be single right now, " blah blah blah..... No. If you find the right person, you should want to do things in life WITH that person, not without them. That's the situation I am in.

I was also afraid of hurting him at the beginning. But because I just stopped overthinking & just let things happen, I ended up falling in love with him.

I am very happy I did not get rid of my guy... I have never been happier. Day by day girlfriend... just let things flow naturally.

Answer 5

It is always a great idea to work on our personal issues prior to establishing a relationship. We tend to drag unnecessary baggage with us into all our relationships which dooms it from the start. Focus on solving your personal problems before creating problems for someone else. During the meeting process you can also communicate your issues and see if the person of interest wants to face your problems with you or give you time to get yourself straight. Hope I Helped!

Answer 6

the good thing is that your relationship is still new, you can set the tone for the kind of relationship you are looking for before anything gets established. just make sure you are open with him about your fears and approach things as they come up. even if it doesn't work out in the long run it will be a very good learning experience for you to find out what works for you in relationships and what doesn't. good luck!

Answer 7

Why walk away when u are obviously having a good time with this man? STOP thinking so much and enjoy having fun. Do not think marriage or babies or commitment. Think about having fun.

Answer 8

You're with a guy for a month and you're afraid of the "commitment"? Did he ask you to marry him or something? If you enjoy each others company, why not just keep on enjoying it?
It sounds like unless you get over yourself, you're doomed to your dilemma forever.

Answer 9

You need to be completely open with him and talk to him about ALL of your feelings. Only then will you know enough to make the right decision.

Answer 10

yes, I am afraid so. If you don't like the ideal of role playing and expectations in a relationship. Then what is your expectations from your partner and what role would this person play in the relationship? Please send me an answer, thanks....