My boyfriend has a low opinion of himself and he's constantly putting himself down. I on the other hand see so many wonderful things in him. How can I help him? I like to compliment him, but he just replies by sayin, no, I'm not like that.... though I think he's secretly pleased.
I just don't understand why he doesn't see himself more the way I do.
What can I do for him to feel better about himself?
2007-06-07 03:20:01 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
so how should I respond when he starts putting himself down??
2007-06-07 03:33:52 · update #1
You sound like an awesome girl! Here's the thing: too often people forget that a relationship needs this ingredient: respect. Too often it's all about love, love, love, but if you don't respect your man, it's not enough. It sounds like you're doing the right thing. Just show respect to him, the things he does, the things he's good at. Come up with ways to praise him that you can use ONLY on him.
Whatever you do, DO NOT berrate him for his low self-esteem. It will make him think he's failing you and drive his confidence even lower.
2007-06-14 12:22:21 · answer #1 · answered by Hitch 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to put him in situations where he can shine. Maybe throw a small gathering for him, have a few freinds get together and have a good time.
Stop complimenting him, it gives him the reason to say the things he does. Only say good things to him when its needed, like when he asks how he looks or if he should wear this or that. If he gets negative oe insecure...walk away or don't give in to it...just talk about something else. Ask his friends or parents if he is like that around them.
He may just want sympathy....
2007-06-14 08:19:03 · answer #2 · answered by Pepper 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just say nice things to him so you can build up his insecurity in himself. He evidently has developed a low opinion of himself for some reason. Try to find out why he doesn't love himself,like you love him.
2007-06-15 03:02:49 · answer #3 · answered by TAMPABAYLADY 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my case I was married to an insecure man, which led to jealousy. He didn't think he was good enough for me, and no matter what I did or said it didn't change the way he felt about himself. There has to be some reason for the insecurity and you need to find out what it is before you can help him. Find out what it is that bugs him about himself.
2007-06-15 00:46:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I definately know what you are going through. The guy I am dating is the same way. Whenever I tell him that he looks cute, or that he's interesting. He says, " should I believe you?" What you're boyfriend and mine have is insecurity. They don't see themselves the way we do. And like you said, whenever I tell him any compliments, I know that o the inside, he's really happy. I think that we need to give them time. I think that no matter what, we like them like they are. We just need to give them time. It will get to the point that they will realized that they have a insecurity problem. I don't think that you shoul say nothing right now. Just wait.
2007-06-14 18:42:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This will be difficult for you to hear... the best way you can help him is by not letting him lean on you. If you give him the affirmation he wants, you will set in place a cycle where he will continually need that and never learn to get that feeling from his own accomplishments. Honestly, he has probably learned this behavior early in his life and you are now the recipient.
2007-06-07 03:24:19 · answer #6 · answered by Ranger D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you I would complement his Humility--because he cannot turn that down (do not tell him to be sneaky). But rather complementing him on that will make him see at least one good point about himself, and perhaps he will allow you to show him others.
P.S. this advise is from guy who readily understands your boyfriends' position.
2007-06-14 23:26:01 · answer #7 · answered by agepe 2110 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does he strongly feels that he's not like that or is he just humble? I guess if its so, you may want to build up his confidence by saying" who n who complimented him that he's ...." at least makes him know that you r not the only one in the world who thinks he's good..=) Slowly i believe he will gain back his confidence!
2007-06-15 03:15:06 · answer #8 · answered by lsycinderalla 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you didnt say if he were covered in pimples, if he were ugly or what... if he is good looking, he just wants to hear about himself. he "needs" to hear it. if you are sick of it, then tell him you are fed up with having to feed him his confidence i personally need someone that is happy with themselves, it makes you happy. i know people can get in a funk and not feel good about themselves but a constant thing is ridiculous.
2007-06-14 18:25:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep pointing out the things you love about him.He needs psychotherapy, to re-build his self- esteem.
2007-06-14 09:18:45 · answer #10 · answered by Klingon 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋