Is it cold feet fear of letting another in or am I not ready?

Question

I am getting married in 24 days and the closer it gets the more I am dragging my feet. See I am moveing in with him just before the wedding because he owns his own place. And he also lives in another town and I have yet to tell my lanlord is this because it is all familiar here? He is a great and loveing guy some say I am only getting cold feet. When I am with him everything feels right when I am not I start to question everything. Someone please help!!!! Also people have been trying to place doubt in my head as for me getting married

Answer 1

You are like my husband was, you have your comfort zone and are afraid of moving from it. We went through the ups and downs in the relationship and even after he proposed and that is normal for some to go through that. I can honestly say I never did because I knew he was the one and I knew it was right.

If you truly love this guy, don't think about what you have now, think and plan for what you TWO will have together. Don't let others work on you unless the guy is abusive, then listen to them. If he isn't, tell them you don't want to hear anything negative and to please stop it.

As I said, my husband was afraid to give up his comfort zone but he has told me over and over again that he is so glad he let go those feelings and married me. Just be sure if you marry, you marry for the right reasons and you build a solid foundation for both of you to work with.

Give 100% of yourself to him at all times and keep the spark alive. Go to Google and type in romantic ideas and use some of those a few months after you've been married. Be spontaneous and do things out of the blue as a surprise for him. Hopefully he will learn to do the same thing to let you know how much he treasures you, too. If he doesn't catch on, teach him :)

I send ecards to my hubby every now and then so he knows how much I love him. Every now and then, he finds a poem and prints it up, then posts it for me to find when I'm cleaning or cooking. I put notes in his wallet so he finds it when he goes to buy his lunch and I put notes in his lunch at times when he works OT.

Go to church together and pray and read your Bible together every night so that foundation is nice and firm.

When you have a problem, sit down and discuss them ~ don't yell and scream because that is childish.

Never go to bed angry ~ always make up and apologize regardless of who may have started it.

Never keep a scorecard ~ what's done is done and if you've forgiven him for something, it needs to stay in the past.

Stay positive and be happy and lean on him if you are sad over something.

You should have no secrets except for his birthday, holidays or something special for him.

Wishing you a wonderful, love filled life.

Answer 2

I completely understand. I didn't even finish all the wedding details until about a week before the wedding. I was STRESSED. I've been married before; my husband hasn't. Plus, he is a lot younger than I am and we've had some problems with the age difference (life experience) and his family was AWFUL (his sister actually physically attacked me at my bridal shower).So I sat down with my husband to be and explained how I was feeling about everything. And it's not like he wasn't nervous, either. He was. So we talked and cried and he made a stand with his family and I decided I loved him enough to ignore some things about him, compromise on others (he's a slob; I'm a neat freak; we meet in the middle), and I was ready to be his wife.

And I never did tell my landlord. I got married in April; my lease is up June 30 and it was a huge penalty to get out early, so I have someone living in it and paying the bills until the lease is up.

You probably do have cold feet. And you probably should tell the people trying to convince you not to get married to shut it. Let your heart guide you. If it's not cold feet and you know you aren't ready, then call it off as soon as possible. It is going to be somewhat embarrassing and he is going to be crushed, but it's better to do it now than wait until the day of the wedding.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Oh hon this is TOTALLY normal. My best friends got married back in '04, and other people (now former friends) were trying to get into his head and change his mind. Those people did a real number on him. Long story short, we just reminded him of why he was getting married in the first place, and it seemed to calm him down. They have been happily married since, now have a daughter, and life is so good between them.

You already answered your own question, if you noticed. You said when you are with him everything feels right! And that is it in a nutshell. Enjoy your new lives together, and forget about that outside negativity trying to influence you. Ooo and tell that landlord to avoid some hefty extra bills.

Answer 4

Well you'd better tell your landlord soon, cause you're going to lose your security deposit for not giving 30 days notice. Listen, a little nervousness is normal. Especially if you haven't been living with him already. Its a big transition to make from an independent woman with your own place and your own bills to pay to somebody's wife and all of a sudden we have to do all this together. The fact that everything feels right when you are with him is your biggest indicator that you're going to be okay. Being scared of change is one of the things that makes us human. Don't listen to anyone else. Only you know if you're making a mistake or not. Talk to your fiance. Tell him you're scared and you need reassurance. Hearing it from us isn't going to help. He's the only one who can tell you what you need to hear.

Answer 5

Its normal to feel that way. you're just afraid of change, since you are moving into his house, in a new town. Its ok to feel that way. I'd fell nervous too. Just tell your landlord. It'll be ok.
Good luck, and have a good wedding. dont worry about it.

Answer 6

Have you discussed this with your honey? You seem to have a little more than cold feet. If you are really not sure call it off and be prepared for the huge loss of cash

Answer 7

I'd say it was just cold feet - except why are people trying to get you to back out? Is there something they know that you don't?

Better find that part out first - before you say "I do."