Me and my girlfriend are expecting our first child a little girl this september. And our family is excited and they are ready and willing to watch her over night, but we don't want her to stay over night we said we would come visit, they say no. Is this ok for first time parents and how can we get out of this mode?
2007-06-07 02:01:05 · 17 answers · asked by jrmess052001 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Goodness yes, its natural to be "stingy" with your new baby!!! You are waiting so long to met the baby that you want to get to know him or her!! You won't be able to get enough at first.
Tell your family that eventually you want to take them up on their offer (there will be time when you will need a break or date night), but that you will have to play it by ear.
In the meantime, if they are insistant, make sure you do allow time to visit with family with the baby that will make your family feel "special". If you need to shop or run errands, plan it during nap time and let family watch the baby. If mama wants to sleep in, have a family member come over to relieve her in the morning. Once they feel you are letting them bond with the new baby, they will back off.
This will pass, trust me. Everyone will get over the issue when the newness wears off and eventually, you will love having free baby-sitters!!
2007-06-07 02:24:45 · answer #1 · answered by divineblue_tigerlily 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, of course it's normal to not want to already talk about giving up your not yet born baby overnight!
Shame on your families for making this about them.. it's about you. They should be asking you what they can do to help, not what can you do for them so they can have what they want. Having your first child is a life altering experience, your family should respect the fact that you and your girlfriend are building a family and help, not hinder.
Gently remind your family that you would love to have someone come to the house and help out... even just by holding the infant so your girlfriend can shower and make dinner, would be a big help. But an overnight at this point would be ridiculous. Don't get out of the selfish mode. This is the single most important thing either of you has done up to this point, cherish it... don' t worry about how often your family gets to see the baby, trust me, it's a baby, they will come to you.
Also, if your girlfriend is planning on breastfeeding (*which by the was is about $100/week cheaper than formula, not to mention the amazing intellectual benefits for your baby) your child won't be able to be taken overnight for the first couple of months.
Good luck! And congratulations on your first guilt trip as new parents... there are tons more coming!!!
2007-06-07 09:18:53 · answer #2 · answered by Katie C 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes! It is sooo normal! My son's 20 mos and my husband and I still hate going anywhere without him. Set the guidelines now (before birth.) I simply say what I just told you. "Sorry, but we're hoplessly in love with her and will miss her too much." The fact that they're already trying to put dibs on your kid may be part of the reason you feel stingy. They need to back off just a tad, not you. That said, later on you'll be really glad if you've set up regular, unsupervised visits to the grandparents' during the day. Give them this inch, but don't let them take a mile. Trust me, if everyone's pawing for your child as soon as she's born, then you're gonna feel really jealous and less than polite. So will your girlfriend, especially during the postpartem period. I still hate to have anyone between me and my son...and I don't tolerate those who try to take him out of my arms. You guys are normal, loving parents!
2007-06-07 10:13:21 · answer #3 · answered by mamasonny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perfectly normal. It was a full year before I left my first baby even for a few hours. I got better with my second and third. But I'm still "stingy". It's completely normal. Don't worry about getting out of the mode. You'll know when you are ready and don't make your girlfriend do it before she wants to. If your family really wants to see the baby, they'll be happy and willing to do it your way. It's your baby, not theirs. Best wishes!!!
2007-06-07 09:16:21 · answer #4 · answered by Kymr 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it is ok for first time parents. just let your family members know that your baby will need time with her mother and with you to get some bonding time in. if your girlfriend is going to breastfeed then the baby has to be with the two of you. and tell them maybe sometime when she gets a little older but right now she is new, and experiencing new things. i think your new baby girl would feel kind of lonely without the two of you when you first go home. a baby knows their parents when they are delivered. they try to teach breastfeeding right off the bat. they did with our son but he never got the hang of it. tell them you would like to keep her over night and you and your girlfriend will take turns feeding her so your girlfriend can get some much needed rest as well. anothering thing that helped me is sleep when baby is sleeping. i did for the first few months and it helped out a lot. i hope this helps.
2007-06-07 09:10:31 · answer #5 · answered by queenhughes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not being "stingy" wanting to keep your baby with you! My oldest was 5 or 6 before I would let her spend the night with ANYONE....even my babysitter (whom I loved and am still good friends with over 15 years later!) didn't keep her overnight. And she lived around the corner from us. I am sure they think they are being wonderful and nice offering to keep the baby for you so you can enjoy a night alone etc. But I still don't sleep very well if one of my girls isn't home. I don't know what I will do when my girls start off to college.
Your best bet is to smile, nod and back away slowly when they start to talk about leaving the baby with them. Just explain that you love then for offering, but you just want to keep your precious with you for now, maybe when she is older.....
Good luck & best wishes!
2007-06-07 09:22:58 · answer #6 · answered by Barbiq 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations first of all, its so exciting isn't it! I am sorry, I don't mean to be rude.. BUT, that is ridiculous. I can not believe that your family would even think of having your new born overnight. Is your girlfriend going to breastfeed? if so she would not be able to leave her in any case. Tell your family straight.... there is no damn way you are going to let your newborn stay any where with out you, If they want to help out and see bubby they can come stay with you or you your girlfriend and bubby can stay there when you are ready. Obviously your family is trying to help and are just as excited as you, I know mine are!! but let them know that's just not going to happen you have every right and trust me when your bub comes along you will know exactly what your going to say if they ask again and it will be be loud and clear NO!! trust me you wont want her out of your sight. good luck with every thing wish you the best.
2007-06-07 10:03:16 · answer #7 · answered by myksgurl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that is pretty normal. My mom is waiting for me to have my first child (since I'm her youngest child and only girl) and my fiance's parents don't have any grandchildren at all so it's going to be like that with my first child. I already said NOBODY but the father and I is holding by baby the first 3 months.
2007-06-07 10:04:27 · answer #8 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it is fine for first time parents to want to stay very close to their first or even second or third child. To leave them for a couple of hours with someone you trust a lot will give you a break but overnight for a new baby could be frightening and confusing.
2007-06-07 09:08:31 · answer #9 · answered by ncgirl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its your child and you can do whatever you like with her. I am expecting my first child in November and I really don't think I will be comfortable leaving her with anyone over night especially for the first few months or so.
Good luck and congrats on the little girl:)
2007-06-07 09:06:55 · answer #10 · answered by Skye 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋