why do people look down on you for being a caring protective mom?

Question

I have 3 kids 12 11 and 8, I love my kids with all my heart, and make sure they know that, and the world knows it. My kids are my life, I'm a little over protective but I feel in this day and time I have to be, I don't spank my children as they don't give me a reason to spank them,they do get grounded over somethings, people complicate on how good they are, they've never gotten in trouble at school. I was blessed with really good kids, I feel like people think I'm just trying to be better than them, but I just really love being a mom and I have actually found when people are talking about there kids doing something wrong and I show up they stop talking, even to the point of making excuses to leave. I don't feel that I judge them. and I refuse to be a bad parent to fit in with a crowd, is it wrong for me to talk about my children help

by being over protective, I don't let my kids to anywhere, were I don't know the parent, we have a youth center we're we live and I let them go there and play. and let them go on day trips to the pool. so they don't feel like I'm smothering them, and I do honestly believe I just have children who chose to be good. I don't think I have any special powers lol.

I don't feel that I judge them. and I refuse to be a bad parent to fit in with a crowd.
I never say anything neg. to them about the way they raise their kids, by this comment I mean I don't think talking about my children is wrong, they ask questions about my kids and then ask like their upset about my answer. and they say things like your to patient, or you think their perfect. these are neighbors and family. and I've invited them over they don't come.

I wanted to add a few things: alot of the answers have been really helpful. I guess the reason I am so proud of my children is they have really gone through alot getting to where they are, my youngest 2 are in exceptional student classes at school my son due to a 30 percent hearing loss at the age of 3 we had 3 set of tubes and tonsils removed, my youngest we've also done 3 set of tubes and tonsils removed and she also having palate surgery in a mth, and my oldest was 10 weeks preemie, and had alot of catching up to do since she was preemie it put her in school a yr early and she is top of her class on the fcat testing. and my son although ESE for speech has A B honor on regular level class and has been moved out of Ese as of next yr. this is an accomplishment they choose not me. I can't help but be proud. thanks for all the input..

Answer 1

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a caring mom. In your case, the only thing you can really do wrong is be over protective.
Since your children are soon coming into the age of growing up, they will want their space. For now, you can still be close to them, but pretty you soon you will have to learn to let them live their own lives.
Also, there is nothing bad about getting into a little bit of trouble, once in a lifetime. Last year, I left the school campus with some friends to get icecream, and we got into soooo much trouble. My mom however, just said it was fine, it was experience to know the limits, and just as long as I didn't do it again.

Answer 2

I have two kids ages 10 & 7. I am the same way as you are. I love them with allof my heart and they are pretty well behaved as yours are. If my kids know that I love them they know that they can always come to me for anything. I think you are doing the right thing because I look at some other kids in stroes, restaurants, etc... and it makes me sick to see the way they are acting and being treated by their parents (most cases it is the mom) It is real easy to ignore your kids and that is why the other moms are jealous because they know that they are not taking the time to talk to their kids and that is why they are misbehaving. I applaud you and your kids because you and your kids sound like me and mine. I have also gotten compliments about them as you do yours. Keep up the good work and give them all the love you can give them cause in this cruel world we live in now they need to know that MOM is someone that loves them unconditionally regardless of what they do or don't do.
I'm so glad to hear that there is someone out there that wants to disipline but not beat their kids. I could give you a whole lot of examples but I'm sure you see it.

Again Keep up the good work and never stop listening. Don't worry about those other mothers they are just jealous of you and your kids and they resent you for that. Unfortunately, I do not know how to reverse that except try to find new friends to be around someone with the same morals you have.

Good LUck!!

Answer 3

I'm sure you are a wonderful mom, and that your children are great kids. But perhaps you are bragging about them just a little too much (Let's face it, you were bragging about them in your question!). There's nothing wrong with being proud of your children, but sometimes other parents who are having trouble with their kids can be a little resentful of this. That may be why your friends stop talking about their children when they see you coming. Of COURSE you don't have to be a bad parent to "fit in with the crowd," but you have to understand that NO child is perfect, including your own. It wouldn't hurt to occasionally share a story or two about something they did wrong, even if it wasn't recent.

Answer 4

I am pretty lucky to have great parenting skills as well. My children are gems. I do have one thing to say though... I was one of those 'good children' and it was not because my parents did good, but because they were controlling and abusive and my only survival skill was to be the best behaved child around. BUT with my kids, I am very into helping them find themselves and letting them go on their own journey. At the same time, I do not tolerate disrepsect. I sometimes look around and feel like the only family that 'has it togehter'.. everyone else seems to be in crisis mode. I think what it is, is that parents like us are quiet and happy. There are lots of us around. BUT the parents that are screaming and complianing and chasing their kids around are the visible ones because they are so loud and out of control. Sometimes I want to fit in and not seem perfect so I talk about the frustrating days or metion how my kid sassed me off and I was upset... I just dont' mention how I handled it so well and how she apologized and changed her attitude and the whole incident took all of 30 seconds... Just to fit in I'll mention those stories to show that 'I have moments too'...

Answer 5

I don't feel that I judge them. and I refuse to be a bad parent to fit in with a crowd.
That's judging.
But if your kids are happy and you are happy, then i would not worry about what anyone else has to say. But there will come the day when they have to fly away. What will you do?
I agree don't let them go to someones house that you don't know. Maybe try getting to know them. If they walk away. Then they think you are a snob. Why not invite them over?
I

Answer 6

I get critisized for being "overprotective" all the time! My son is only 15 months, but his grandmother recently got upset with me because I wouldn't let him go to Disney for x-mas parade without me. I wanted to see the look on his face too! And not to mention the dangers there and nobody can replace how I watch him you know? I really understand where you arecoming from, but my son is noangel LOL He gets into stuff and when I take it away I get bitched at for being over protective...Anyway I have noadvice cuz I'm new to this, but good luck with the situation and don't back down on your morals! If your kids are good kids, don't worry about what others say- you have done your job to the fullest.

Answer 7

i think of you're mistaking no longer being protecting with understanding you wouldnt be that stupid. you're purely approximately an person and your dad figures you have sufficient sense to no longer bounce off the proper of the stairs. in case you do it, then probably you may cope with the outcomes. i attempt to enable my young infants study, in the event that they're doing some thing that would harm a splash yet no longer harm them too undesirable, i could say, you particularly dont wanna try this. in the event that they do it besides, and it is going like i pronounced it may, thats when I say, i attempted to tell you. Now on the different hand, in the event that they're desire of help or some extreme education i'm the main protecting dad there is. Im saying if a undergo became chasing us and we couldnt get away identity attempt to make the undergo choke on me so my young infants could get away. intense i understand yet Im making a factor. mothers tend to overreact via fact they cant stand to think of roughly their toddlers getting harm. Dads dont like it the two yet all of us understand getting harm now and returned is an portion of existence. What doesnt kill you at present and returned makes you greater.

Answer 8

Are you crazy??? Seriously, why should you apologize for being a good parent? If you have wonderful children then that's great and you shouldn't have to hide it. What are you gonna do, yell at them for no reason just to look like a bad parent? Of course not! So just let the other miserable parents stay miserable and don't let them effect you. Keep on keepin on girl!!!

Answer 9

It is easy to tell you sincerely love your children and that they have benefited from your love. It is also easy to tell how much fulfillment you get from being a mother. Were every child and every mother so lucky.

I think there are several possible answers to your question. First, all parents know the ideal hoped for in raising children. They want healthy, happy children and they want to feel the fulfillment you seem to have found as a mother. When they look at their own situations and find their children's behavior or happiness wanting or have challenges appreciating their experiences as a parent, they may feel some resentment of your success and happiness.

Another explanation could be that they look at your children with less loving eyes and find your children more flawed than they think you realize. This would lead them to see your enchantment with your children and enjoyment of motherhood as misplaced, unfounded, and perhaps see you as deceiving yourself. This makes them uncomfortable around you because, if you saw what they seem to think is the reality of your situation, it would be devastating to you since they see how important your children are to you.

And, third, the other parents could be right. Their assessment of your children as being far less than perfect is closer to reality than you know. They see you as oblivious to what is obvious to them and that your inability or unwillingness to see the truth is harmful to your children and perhaps their own in associating with them.

Unfortunately, my own experience falls into the latter category. I have a neighbor who is so enthusiastic about her children and being a mother she can hardly contain herself. However, she is about the only one in the neighborhood who believes her children are as wonderful as she sees them. This makes it hard for people to associate with her because when she talks so glowingly about her children and her life as a mother it is uncomfortable because others don't see things the same way she does. They don't want to be mean or unkind and contradict this mother's view of her world or they feel it would be useless to even try. So, it is easier simply to avoid her.

My hope for you is that you do have an honest and realistic assessment of your children and have every reason to feel the fulfillment of being a good and loving mother. It's what we all want as parents.

Good luck.

Answer 10

It sounds like you have met up with a group of commiserators. Those kind of people are so unhappy with their lives that they need everyone around them to join up so they can feel better about themselves. I worked with women like that and I can't stand them either. They tried to make me feel bad because I was happy. Keep your head up and do not let them bring you down. Misery loves company and you don't sound like a miserable person. Find a more positive click.