Coping with a death of a pet?

Question

My chihuahua had epilepsy had I had to leave her behind with my mother when I moved to the UK, I didn't want to but I knew she was safe and well taken care of. Last month I returned to the US for my wedding and the day after I arrived my dog suddenly died. I was so crushed and all week I had to stuff everything down and pretend I was happy and smile for the camera. No one understood how hurt I was and kept getting angry at me for not wanting to go out and have fun.
Now that I've come back to the UK I've been extremely depressed over my dog. I missed her a lot before and now I'm beyond lonely. I can't even look at other people chihuahuas because I get so depressed. Every time I see my mother inlaws dog I think why couldn't he just have died, no one but her likes him anyways... and then I feel even worse for thinking that.
I was just wondering how other people dealt with their pets dieing and any advise that'll help.
Thank you.

It's unlikely I'll be able to get another dog for a few years because our apartment doesn't allow pets.
My husbands idea of making me feel better is having a baby but he doesn't realize my dog was my baby and it won't make things better.

Answer 1

I lost my chihuahua on 5/6/2006 from Liver Failure. I had him for over 10 years and he died in my arms in the car 3 minutes from the vets office.

It was the most difficult time of my life. Far worst than any other family member or friend that I have lost. In order to help ease the pain, I had him cremated and his ashes along with his pictures are on his urn in my home, so I know he is always with me.

In addition, I didn't want to do anything. I became very depressed and blamed everyone for his death until I started blaming myself. One day I realized that it was my GOD that has taken him to a better place and I found great relief just knowing that he is safe and will be there waiting for me until my time.

DON'T GET ANOTHER DOG UNTIL YOU ARE READY.... AND, YOU WILL KNOW.

Your beloved one will be more than happy for you to get another one as he know that you are not replacing him and will never try to. However, he is happy in heaven knowing that you will give another animal like him the same kind of love, care, and attention that you gave him.

There is no easy way to deal with, but as time goes on it will get a little easier. Its been over a year and I am able to progress more, but some days are harder than others. When that happens, I just go to his urn and talk to him. I have no problem letting him know how much he is loved and missed. And, yes, i still cry some days too, but it has gotten a little bit easier.

When he passed, I had two chihuahuas and only have one left now. However, I couldn't get another one right away, but I will start searching in the upcoming weeks. My little one was really sad too, but he will be glad to have company again.

It also helps to talk as much about him as possible. Those that don't understand or don't want to hear it, DROP THEM, BECAUSE THEY WERE NO GOOD FOR YOU ANYWAY. Any real human can understand the lost of animal is the same as losing a member of the family. If they don't understand, then they may need help.

Lastly, it helped me to go the library and read books about what happens to our pets after they pass. They are really helpful and will help you to think about the wonderful times that you were blessed with and not about the bad so much.

He/She wants you to remember all the good time you both had together. That will keep thier little tail waggin in heaven until your arrival, where you both will meet again!!!

Best wishes and take care...... You are not alone!!

Answer 2

Yes it is true that getting a new pet can help you move on from the death of a pet, as long as you dont try to "clone" your old pet for eg getting another tortoise and calling it by the same name lol. It is probably best that you dont get another tortoise as that just might remind you of your last one that you loved so much. I think that if you are going to get another pet it should be something completely different. This way you can still have a pet and feel better about it, but also have the great memories from your last pet.

Answer 3

I have a cat that i just found out has a tumor the size of a lemon in his stomach. I cannot afford surgery also there is a chance he will die during the procedure. So i chose to let him live out his last days here at home. I feel so guilty. But i do know that he will go to a much better place. Hes been on this earth for about 9 years and he has had a wonderful life. It gives me some peace to think about it that way. Maybe it will help you too. I wrote him a poem i will share with you.

I heard the news today; That you will soon be taken away;away on a angels wings;your soul will shine on;In my memory and my heart;there will always be a spot;always a spot for you;Ill let that light shine on;A trusted companion;with a shining heart;I promise ill do my part;to let your light shine on;God wanted a shining soul;to accompany him in heaven;heaven now awaits you;so your light can shine even brighter;your light will shine on;your eyes will brighten;when you see his shining face;a face that you will reconize as his amazing grace;God will let that light shine on;That light will never fade;and the wind can never blow it out;that light shines on forever;and forever ill do my part;your memory lives on ;youll always be in our hearts

I wrote this the day i got the news and my cat was right beside me. it absolutley broke my heart. Ive never in my life been this close to a pet. so i really know what you are going through. i hope the poem gives you a piece of mind. sorry if its hard to read. i tried to separate what should go on differnt lines with colons,because when i tried to write it line for line it just put it all together when i posted it. Also their may be some typos because the spell check wouldnt work lol.Have a nice day and remember your dogs soul will shine on, keep him in your memory and remember the good times

Answer 4

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It is never easy to let go of the ones we love. Comfort yourself with the thought that she passed away while you were here. She knew you were close and it was safe to go. Living with epilepsy is never easy. Be glad she has gone to the Rainbow Bridge and is healthy and happy and waiting for you.
You have a new life to concentrate on. When you get yourself settled and you feel the time is ready, the right dog will come into your life, and it will be with her blessings. In the meantime, take the time to think of all the good times you had with her. Don't beat yourself up over doing what you had to do... whatever time you had together was special and I'm sure she loved you and appreciated all you did for her.
It was very brave of you to keep a happy face for your wedding, even though you were greiving. As time goes on, it will make your memories all that much more special.
I've lost many special animals, and it is never easy. And their memory never fades, but it becomes easier over time to think of them without the sadness.
Blessings to you and your new husband. Enjoy each other and build your life together. Take the time to mourn her loss and have patience with yourself, and give yourself time to heal.

Answer 5

Consider speaking with a grief counselor about your depression. You got hit with a lot all at once - wedding, moving, new culture, new country - and the death of your pet. No wonder you're in a funk.

I'm so sorry for your loss. We had a rescue doberman named Ida who had epilepsy, wobblers and displaysia. A real mess of a dog - but she was the apple of our son's eye and we loved her tremendously. Sadly she was struck by a car (even though we lived way, way out in the country with a square mile of open land for her to run in - she still got hit by a car!) That was a dark, dark, day for us.

We debated a while before deciding to rescue another doberman. This time a big red male named Loco - who should have weighed 85 pounds - he weighed 35 pounds. Skin and bones and covered head to foot with a staff infection that no amount of antibiotics would clear up permenantly. Loco turned out to be a wonderful pet - not Ida, of course, but just as wonderful in his own sweet way. He recently passed away quietly at my parents' house. He too is missed terribly - especially by my mother - who, ironically, doesn't normally care for dogs very much.

I guess what I'm trying to convey is that our pets come and they go. What we can take comfort in is that they all go to heaven. Remember, mankind is the only one of God's creations who was stupid and foolish enough to disobey God's orders. So, dogs never left God's good grace - so they have a direct ticket to heaven - complete with the pillows and parks and all the chew toys they could ever desire.

Answer 6

Stop 'beating yourself' up for the way you feel, your feelings are perfectly normal as your dog was obviously a big part of your life. Other people never seem to understand ... but for most people their dogs are as important as any 'human' member of their family. All your feelings are a normal part of the grieving 'process'.
You are maybe feeling a little guilty because you left your dog to move to the UK ... don't be, he was obviously well-loved by your mum (my 'dog' lives with my mum and loves us both just as much!) ... I would treasure the fact that your dog saw you before he died ... at least he died happy (sorry that sounds silly but I hope you understand where I'm coming from).

Answer 7

I'm so sorry for your loss.

What your feeling is entirely normal. I also had a dog that had epilepsy, I'd had him since he was six weeks old and he left us when he was 14. He was my best friend and companion for many many years and losing him was devastating and life changing. I often thought like you, about the dog that had been chained up for years never off his chain in my neighbors back yard, he had no life why did Bently have to die when he was spoilt rotten and so loved and needed, and their dog who was ignored and neglected left to live a miserable life.

We don't know why. And its sad, and so hard. When Bently passed, the vet performed cpr on him for 30 minutes before I was able to let him go. We buried him in a pine box in our back yard.

Life will move on, whether you want it to or not. Losses like these seem to become us without us even acknowledging them. It changes you, but you will love again, I know it doesn't feel like it now, but there will be another dog, and while that dog wont be the one your missing, it will have its special traits and personality. And you will be blessed to love him.

Answer 8

In the years I have had pets own me; I have lost two cats and one dog. Mourning a pet is no different than mourning the loss of a human loved one. The important thing is to go through all the phases of mourning; don't skip any and eventually; as the cliche implies; time will heal. You of course will never forget your pet; but eventually the loss of the pain will subside and you will be able to get over the depression you are experiencing. My time to "heal" is approximately 1 - 1 1/2 years. I still become weepy if I think of my dearly departed critters for too long or too hard; but I can actually speak about them without crying now.

The mourning process is as individual; just as every human is.
There are some basics to the process and there are no "rules" as to how long any individual will go through each phase or how many times they will bounce through the phases.

Shock is the first stage of numbness, disbelief and unreality.

Denial is thoughts or words such as, “I don’t believe it -- It can’t be!”

Bargaining involves making promises such as, “I’ll be so good if only I can awaken to find this hasn‘t happened”
or “I’ll do all the right things if only…”

Guilt is a hard stage and difficult to deal with alone. This is a normal feeling characterized by statements such as, “If only I had…If only I had not…” done or said or thought something. Guilt may ultimately be resolved by understanding that all of us are human beings who give the best and worst of ourselves to others. What they do with what we give is their responsibility.

Anger is another very difficult phase, but it may seem necessary in order to face reality and get beyond the loss. We all must heal in our own way and anger is a normal stage along the way. However, you may feel guilty because you are angry at the person who died or because your life is continuing while his or hers is not. If you don’t feel anger, don’t manufacture it!

Depression may come and go and be different each time in length and/or intensity. Give yourself time to heal.

Resignation means you finally believe the reality of the death.

Acceptance and Hope come when you finally understand that you will never be the same, but you can go
on to have meaning and purpose in your life.

I am SO sorry for your loss.

Also here is a great poem that was sent to me after I lost my dog a couple of years ago:

"Rainbow Bridge"

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

Answer 9

I'm so sorry to hear of your pet loss.It is hard, very hard when we lose a pet.

When and if you feel up to it introduce a new dog into your life.Remember they are not going to be just like the previous dog but you can find new "things" to love about this dog.Maybe get a different breed.I had a Papillon dog that was wonderful! she was more friendly to all people not so much a one person dog.

You can find sites on pc that deal with pet loss also.Good Luck and know you are not alone.

Answer 10

I feel your pain. I have had 2 dogs that I have had to put down because of old age. My oldest dog ever was 3 months short of 18 years old. She was the sweetest dog and my best friend. She was as much a part of my family as I was. We were all very sad that it was her time. We had a funeral for her in the backyard and buried her with her favorite blanket and her ball. She was loyal and devoted to us and loved us too. One time she ran away and was gone for a week. We found her at the animal shelter. Anyone that says a dog doesn't feel love and pain is dead wrong. My dog was so relieved to see us, she was rolling on her back and peed uncontrollably as she whimpered and whined at the sight of us. You should have seen her get in the truck. Man she was ready to go home! That dog loved us too. My other old doggie, Vienna Sausage was 14 and suffering from liver failure. She was sweet. She nursed a litter of kittens once for 3 months, and cleaned them and gathered them up when it was time for bed. Dogs are the coolest.