I'm getting married soon. I want to hypenate my name, my partner wants me to take his. Am I being selfish?

Answer 1

I went through the same thing last year. I don't think that you are being selfish at all. It is a tough decison. I contemplated for like a year prior to our wedding. I felt like my name was really a part of my identity and I didn't want to lose that. I suggest talking to him about it (although I am sure you probably already have), but in the end it is your decison to make. I ended up taking his last name and I am now happy with my decison. Good luck! Enjoy your wedding day- it goes by so quick. =)
*What Lydia mentioned above was something I considered in making my decison.

Answer 2

You're not being selfish, although the first answer is right on. It still causes confusion in schools when the mother does not have the same last name as the children. Also, you won't be introduced as "Mr. and Mrs. Smith." Instead, you'd be "Mr. Smith and Ms. Jones-Smith." That doesn't bother some people, but it bothers others because of the implication that the two aren't married.

Personally, I think it should be changed to one name unless there's a very good reason not to. If you're famous, for example. Or if you have a high-profile career and you absolutely must be recognized by your name in order to succeed. In my opinion, you're making a commitment to unite your lives in marriage. It's not such a big stretch to unite under one name.

Answer 3

I hyphenated my name and I am completely happy with it. I have always loved my name and I didn't want to ever change it but at the same time I loved my husband and wanted his name so just hyphenated it. I don't really understand why he doesn't like it, technically you are still taking his name and just adding it on to your own. If it is having kids that he is worried about, it need not be. I mean, my last name is Lovett-Fox but I won't hyphenate my children's names, their last name will be Fox, plain and simple, and that is perfectly acceptable. Also, even though my name is hyphenated I don't mind at all if people call me Mrs. Fox instead of Mrs. Lovett-Fox. In fact I prefer for others to verbally just use Fox. In the end it should be your decision it really has nothing to do with being selfish.

Answer 4

No...he probably wants you to take his name because its tradition...its his family and you are becoming part of it. He wants to carry on the name with your children and its totally normal that he feels that way. But, he has to look at all of those same reasons for you...its YOUR family and you don't just drop that when you get married, they are stil a part of you, of who you were and will become. To want to honor that by keeping the family name isn't selfish, its respectful to your family. If and when children come into the picture, you can give them your husbands last name, you don't have to hyphenate their names (making it a harder life on them) and that doesn't make them any less yours or his. Good luck

Answer 5

Tell your boyfriend if you hyphenate your name you are taking his. Legally you will have less issues with banking, dmv, post office etc. if you hyphenate unless you want to carry your marriage certificate around in your bag. Just because you are married does not mean you wake up and are no longer the person you were for the last how many years. I did not change my name and I am married for almost 3 years.

Answer 6

I don't necesarily think you are being selfish, I can see pride in your family now, but I don't see the point....its just gonna make things more complicated in the long run. If you were famous and your name was part of your money making plan or something I could see it, but for the average jane, I don't get it.

I am proud of my family and maiden name also, but thats why I just kept all my names but just use the new one for my last name, to me it was just part of marriage...you take his name, you become a family, and maybe its old fashioned of me but I think its ideal (if possible-and in your case it is) for everyone in the family to have the same last name.

Good luck with whatever you decide, but I gotta go with hubby to be on this one!

Answer 7

I kept my name hyphenated on all things which I put a lot of my life into before our marriage, my school diploma, I got my degree soon after we married. A few things I hyphenated, the rest I use his name.
Our child has his name.

(It was a transistion, and he let me keep the things important to me, my brother died a year earlier, and I didn't want to change a thing.)

Answer 8

I will say this...mostly everyone I know who hyphenated her name dropped that in a short time and just went with the one family last name-it's a pain...I know you feel attached you your last name, but adding his as a hyphenated thing means your last name is changed anyway, right? You won't be Kelly Smith anymore, you'd be Kelly Smith-Johnson, which isn't your last name as it is now...And I believe the whole point of a wedding is to become a new family of your own-one family has one last name...at the end of the day, you have to feel comfortable with your choice, but so does your husband.

Answer 9

not necessarly selfish but you should think of these things before deciding which way to go.

1. what is the reason for hyphenating? business? feminism?
2. if/when you have children, what are they're last names going to be? Wouldn't you want the same name as your kids/family? if you hyphenated their names, they'd have no choice to hyphenate theirs if there was ever a real reason to do so. for example. if the hyphenated name you give them is johnson-runyan and your little bobby's name is now Bobby Johnson-Runyan, his new wife has to take on a long two worded name and may not be comfortable with it... (and she shouldn't have to take on your maiden name) and if your little ashley's name is now Ashley Johnson-Runyan how can she ever hyphenate her name when she gets married even if there was a good reason for her to do so like business. She's not going to want to be Ashley Johnson-Runyan-Smith and so on, and what if her fiance's mom had done the same thing and hyphenated his name? In a couple decades, our last names would be 8 names long and there would be no more tracking of family trees etc. so yes, it is kinda selfish. no that your maiden name will always be "your name" your girlfriends from high school etc, will always know you as that name, you married name is just your legal name to put you into the same family catagory as the rest of your family. it only makes sense.

Answer 10

If you are at all planning on having children, it's best to have ONE family name. An alternative lots of women are doing now, is keeping their maiden name as a middle name, and taking your bf's name as your surname. Picture a child of yours in the future with a hypenated surname marrying someone else with a hyphenated surname - egads!!! Kids need the identity of one name for the family they are part of.