i was with this guy for 8 months. he broke up with me 3 times. basically because he gets freaked out, some kind of stress-related...ejection seat or something. thing is he's totally besotted with me. he'd do anything for me.
due to final college exams we didn't talk for a month after the break up. i thought that was it. but he's begging for me back. absolutely begging. he's confiding things in me that he was always scared to tell me before, why he is the way he is, things he's never told anyone. he's giving absolutely everything he has to get me back. for some reason he thought i'd always be there. i said no. i'm a very proud person.
the day we met we were inseparable. best friends. it's a hard thing to give up such a rare chemistry like that. i don't click with ANYONE.
thing is he went through a rough period in his life, family AND college problems, and thought he should abort the relationship because of stress.
he's now offering to go to counselling and everything...
2007-06-06 23:51:21 · 16 answers · asked by Chasey Lane 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
...anything it takes to get me back.
i'm hurt though, and my sense of trust is bruised. but mainly, my family and friends will not be impressed. they may not know him, they may not know what we're like together, but they won't be happy with me. i don't know what to do.
2007-06-06 23:52:19 · update #1
When he is confiding in you, he's basically giving you all the reasons in the world to get away from him. It sounds like he's warning you of potential future problems that could come up because of his past problems.
He's probably looking to get back together with you because you were a rock of stability during a rough time in his life. He isn't thinking about the future between you two, he's trying to get through this period of his life (then he'll dump you again).
To put it simply, you are remembering the chemistry you had with the person he USED to be.. Not the person he is now. Yes, past behavior dictates future behavior, but that future behavior also includes the problems and breaking up.
2007-06-07 00:00:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Look at this, as an opportunity, to heal, and reflect on the relationship. Give yourself the two year rule before dating anyone, to search within yourself the reason/s why you think the relationship failed several times. Give him time and space to also do the same, and to go to counselling for his issues. If he's serious about taking responsibility for his own behavior, he'll do this on his own, because he knows he needs help. Fear of losing someone, is not a reason to get councelling, it is a controlling tactic because he knows you very well. He is trying to control you, and using his confiding in you as a lever or a form of control. Be careful, his behavior issues stem from somewhere and that root could be very deep. You've only dated for a few short months, and he's hidden his other side, you may not know very well. Give yourself this time, to allow yourself the freedom of new friendship/s and new experiences. You say you don't click with anyone...give yourself a chance to meet new people, get involved in volunteering your time in your community where your help may be needed you may just surprise yourself. Get rested, and eat sensible, and join a fitness class or get into routine of physical exercise, to promote good mental health, and physical at the same time. You may also meet new friends doing just that. Stay focused on a new you, a new day, new beginnings with a new attitude with positive energies. Allow your new click/s of people those with positive energies and outlooks about life. Make new goals and reach for them. If you remain focused, you never know, your life just may enjoy the new changes. Good luck!
2007-06-07 07:30:55 · answer #2 · answered by lostrebelchild 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, follow your heart, not your family. He may deeply care for you but may have had some issues with commitment before and is trying to work through that. If you really care for him that much, I say give a chance. Just take it slow and make him earn your trust back. The counseling wouldn't be such a bad idea for the two of you either.
2007-06-07 06:58:52 · answer #3 · answered by MrAnonyMuss 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How do YOU feel when you are with him?
Does it make you feel good about yourself or bad?
Do you like who you are when you are around him?
Does he make you a better person?
Aside from his issues, does he treat you the way you deserve? Is he decent to you, care about you, help you through the stresses in your life as well?
We all have issues and baggage. Some more than others. Sounds like you should approach this cautiously and tell him you will see him as close friends and help him progress through this and get better then see about having a more concrete relationship with each other when he is feeling stronger.
God brings people into and out of our lives and sometimes it can surprise you that when you thought someone was in your life because they needed you, then something happens and you end up needing them more.
Helping him through this is something you can do regardless of whether you are a couple or are close friends. Keep sex out of the mix. It just confuses things and makes you more vulnerable. Save that for the person you marry whether it is him or someone else.
2007-06-07 07:10:48 · answer #4 · answered by Gypsianna P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just listen to yourself. you said you dont click with anyone but him. chemistry is important. i can understand why he broke it off. stress can really effect you. he probably wanted to get his future sorted out first and as with the bad time with his family yeah, can be really hard to handle. he probably needed some time to think and go through it.
If a man, begs for you back, which most of them never do, take it. He must really like/love you. and its true, once you've realized what you lost, you realize how much you loved it and want it.
Trust, is very important in a relationship. its the foundation of a relationship. You would need to talk to him about everything, before starting it again. get your trust back if you really want it to work.
Theres my advice. i cant tell you what to do. but hope that makes you think.
2007-06-07 07:00:46 · answer #5 · answered by shadyfridge4 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He needs to sort himself out and he needs your help,love and assurance.
Reason am sayin this is cuz i behave the same way,i fall in love with someone then cook up a story about anything just to get rid of them then go running back to them trying to explain my behaviour while i know i will do the same thing again.
We(pple with this behaviour) are scared of losing the ones we love so we try to stop it before it happens but realise we may not survive without them so we go back with all sorts of reasons.
Its not our fault just some messed up past tha we can get over and only by ourselves and with a little help.
Good luck.
2007-06-07 07:21:24 · answer #6 · answered by mz-knw 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only thing you haven't said is how you feel about him other than you are hurt. you both realize he has issues and maybe you can help him work through it but if your heart isn't in it, then go your seperate ways. Relationships take a lot of work and people get hurt in the process of building them. It either makes your feelings stronger or weaker. analyze yourself and you should be able to see the answer.
2007-06-07 06:57:27 · answer #7 · answered by uphill climb 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why the hell would you get back with someone you have already broken up with 3 times. I see a pattern there that will continue. Clearly something doesn't work between you two.
Albert Einstein said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
2007-06-07 06:55:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
unless he's a psycho, and you really want him back, I'd have him around my family from time to time. ( Let him get "freaked out" in front of your brothers, or Daddy). Since your family means something to you, and you value their opinion, this will show them something too. One way or the other, time will work it out. Let life happen. Put it in your Creator's hands.
2007-06-07 07:00:00 · answer #9 · answered by Scorpius59 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is wrong to have a relationship with a person out of pity..you have to ask yourself and not your pride, if you really want/need him back in your life? and you have to tell this person to not be that desperate...in the way you presented this question i think that you two have that chemistry and should be back together again (but that's only my opinion, it would all end up to you)...or if you would not be together with him i think it would be better off to be friends...
2007-06-07 06:58:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋