My brother had an affair with my girlfriend while I was in Iraq? What do I do?

Question

I have just recently found out about this. When I told my brother to look after my girlfriend while I was gone, that is not exactly what I meant.

Answer 1

Firstly, my condolences, Im sorry it must be very painful for you.
I think you should work out whether or not you can forgive and forget. Will you be able to take her back and carry on?
If not then you need to finish it and give yourself time to get over it.
There are obviously things you need to say to your brother, if i were you Id stay away until you are able to say it reasonably calmly - despite the fact you may want to rip of his head and - you know the rest of the statement.
If you do something vengeful it will only get used against you.
You need to weigh up what you stand to lose if you end the relationship, if the losses are small, than it may be time to move on. If the loss will be big it may be worth fighting for.
And lastly I recommend that you ask her for some answers, when you are ready, 'talking' is always the best policy.
But the most important person is you. Be gentle with yourself and do not blame yourself.

Answer 2

You should indeed be very disapointed with your brother and let it be known in a calm proffessional way so you don't look like the bad guy. However, your girlfriend should be gotten rid of at once. If she did this while you were gone there is no excuse even if your brother is a **** it is her that should have remained loyal. Save yourself from future heartache and find another girl. I know this sounds cruel and it may piss off some people , but it is an honest answer. I have seen this happen more times than none and it is not always the girl's fault...in the future, just tell your girlfriends to steer clear of your bro.

Answer 3

wow...

I live in a community with a high number of men who work in the merchant marine, and are gone for long or regular periods of time. Some of these men take up this work because it is the only way to feed their families, and they have established and committed marriages...

Some women can be left behind, and some women cannot.

Even they do not know who they are until they are tested, and it has little to do with love or devotion to their mate... I have seen some of the best go down in flames.

What you know about her is not that'she will aways cheat' or that 'she does not love you' but that she cannot be left for long periods... And that unfortunately your brother is someone she cannot be left with, and you are stuck with your brother.

There are a lot of details left out of this one that you need to consider before you decide what you will do:
1. Some guys can never get over infidelity - if you are one of those guys, drop the girl.
2. Do you expect to have to leave her for a long period of time again? if you do, can you live with the idea that she will probably sleep with someone while you are gone? - if not, drop the girl.
3. Was she emotionally waiting for you, even if she did not manage to physically wait for you? If she was not emotionally waiting for you - drop the girl.
4. How much lifetime and emotional energy have you invested in each other?

If you have a lot invested in each other AND she was emotionally waiting for you AND you do not expect to leave her alone again for an extended period AND you can truly get over this...

Have a nice long talk with her about a nifty catholic concept "the occassion of sin". This is the concept that if you put yourself in a position to sin, you are accepting temptation, and so inviting sin into your life... If you do not allow "the occassion of sin", then you do not have the opportubnity to sin. It is easier to keep sin at the doorstep than to deny it at arms reach.

Next move on to another nice, but antique, catholic concept: "the appearance of the occassion of sin". This is the idea that in order to avoid misconceptions, and honor your husband by avoiding potentially upsetting allegations to reach his ears, you eliminate any possibility that you have allowed an occassion of sin to occur, and are therefore blameless.

This applies to other sorts of sins as well, and is recommended so that you may retain a good reputation.

If she can accept that you will not accept the appearance of the occassion of sin, quite appart from jealousy, then maybe you have some basis to continue.

Love is not easy, marriage is harder. In 30 years *most* people cheat at least once. Trust issues other than adultery will arise between people over the course of time...
Without an understanding of what a basis of trust looks like to each of you, honesty is more important than mistakes in the long haul. Remember that when this occurred, she was not yet your wife, and had not given up her option to waver and/or doubt you. Make sure that if she chooses to make the promise of marriage with you, she understands the difference.

Answer 4

First, thank you for your service. My husband was in Iraq, so I know a little bit about what it's like. About the girlfriend, I say let your brother have her. She's not really a keeper. She knows nothing about selflessness or committment or loyalty, which are qualities you have displayed and qualities you deserve in a partner. As far as your brother goes, I think I'd keep my distance from him too, at least for a little while. You are an honorable man, and he isn't.

Answer 5

I feel so sorry for you - you have been betrayed by the two people you love most. This happened in my family and my brother found it easier to forgive his wife then his brother- however it has taken many years and they do speak now- but only just. Only you know in your heart if you want to stay with your girlfriend but personally i don't think most men would-if you have to go away again you won't be able to trust either of them. Do what your heart says.This is not an easy one to solve honey- but i wish you all the best. Libs.

Answer 6

I would drop the girlfriend and distance myself from my brother for awhile so he could think about what caused your separation, now that you are back. You have to have faith that the people you leave behind can be trusted. If they prove they cannot be, you need to find someone who can. A relationship has to be able to pass the test of time. Yours sadly did not.

On another subject, I'd like to personally welcome you home. Some of us are very glad you made it back!!!! Hope things go better for you in the future. You earned it. I am sure it was no picnic over there.

Answer 7

Im sorry to hear that brothers are having affairs with their brothers girl friends,mothers are sleeping with their daughters boy friend what's the world comming to? One hand can not clap by itself,you can always find a new girl friend,but a new brother no,try to forgive him and don't ask him to look after your gf next time.

Answer 8

You can not pick your family, but you can pick your friends. I think I would get rid of the girlfriend, trust is such a hard issue. And keep an eye on my brother with my next girlfriend, maybe he wants to be like MIKE??

Answer 9

A betrayal like that from your brother must be a very heartbreaking thing for you! I feel for you !
Your 10 times better than both of them! You deserve better and so much more!
Chin up!

Answer 10

Break up with that girl if she cheated on you once, it might happen again. Your brother isn't really a brother if he did that to you.
But if you stay with that girl your going to be thinking about your girlfriend and your brother doing the things they told you they did.
so break up with her. and talk to your brother, depends on your personality
if it was me i would of beat MY BROTHER's ***!