My partner had a one night stand with one of his friends 2months before he and I started dating. ONe month into our relationship I found out she was pregnant and I decided to support him when he told me she was going to keep the baby and he wanted to be apart of the childs life. It has taken awhile for the reality of the situation to sink in and now I am freaking out! I'm not sure my partner realises what he is getting in to either and I wonder how the four of us (baby, mother, my man and myself) will work it all out. Are there any books about theses types of situations? All the book I have found are about divorced parenting or raising your child when you are in a happy relationship... I can't find anything relevant to our situation. Does anyone have any advice??? (PS We are all in our early 20s)
2007-06-06 19:15:43 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Hi again, um.... I think i should point out that I DON"T WANT TO MARRY HIM!!!
2007-06-06 20:06:29 · update #1
You shouldnt just marry this guy because he has already a kid. Think it further, the kid isnt yours, it is somebody else as a result of his one night stands with another girl. You can still be with him but marrying him will not solve the problem and yet might create future problems. Both of u could take care of the child without a marriage. As for the biological mother, i doubt about her. Is she going to abandon her child to both of you or she is going to take part in it. It would be a confusion.
2007-06-06 19:28:43 · answer #1 · answered by Mike P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is brave of you to be living under the same roof with your partner and his ex. It is really a weird arrangement if I may say so. If it were me, I don't think I can agree to such an arrangement where I will always feel insecure and always wondering if anything goes under my nose that I am not aware of. If you love your man very much to the point of sacrificing your life and your peace of mind, go ahead. Make a mess of your life. If not, tell him frankly that you can't continue living in that kind of arrangement. Either you go or the mother and baby goes. He can always be a part of the baby's life even without being with him all the time. He is the biological father and nothing can erase or undo that truth. He can give child support and visits him/her if he wants to but not at your expense. If he loves you, he will consider your feelings and how the situation is affecting you. He must look for a solution that will make everybody feel at ease.
2007-06-10 17:03:32 · answer #2 · answered by annabelle p 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to be a good partner & stand by his side. It will not be easy but you will get throught it. Your partner & the mother should set down some ground rules first before the baby comes along. You dont want to be kicked to the kerb and all alone in the decision making. Work out when you can have the baby over & how often you partner can visit. Whether you are going to set up a room in your house for the baby there as well, & what your role is going to be. You really need to be committed to this relationship if it's going to work. Good luck and hope it all works out.
2007-06-09 16:59:22 · answer #3 · answered by Donna 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
keep i mind that you're not just making a commitment to him. there is a child involved. I don't know about books, but the best thing I know to do is sit down, have an adult conversation with all three of you involved. state the purpose of the conversation. "hey, I'm with him. and if he decides he wants to take part in this baby's life, I'll be there too. we want to get this out of the way now." you say you don't want to marry him. that's great. don't marry him to help him raise a kid. if you love him, then it's time to have that conversation. don't jump the gun so you can help him raise this child.
raising a child whose parents are not married is not a big deal. he'll have to pay child support and things like that. but your part is easy. and it's easier helping to raise a child from the beginning than it is coming in when the child is older. look at it this way. you won't have to deal with the "you're not my mom" thing. you will be... lol
just think about what you want. and remember that it's a commitment. your commitment to him, and the child. his commitment to you and the child. if it's in your heart to do this, then do it. if it's not, get out before it's too late.
2007-06-10 18:19:46 · answer #4 · answered by flgalinms 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've been dating less than a year. Wait and see how things go before you marry this fellow. You can wait until the child is a year or two old, so you'll have more information then about how it works out.
2007-06-06 19:19:12 · answer #5 · answered by Katherine W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋